SAMRA2 Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 i've never had a real orgasm with any of my boyfriends, and becoz it takes so long for me to get excited and touching me down there must be in a very specific way, i am afraid it will just drag on the sexual mood and it would be just tiring instead of sexy. SO, i fake it all the time. i know its wrong but i do it so as mybf wouldnt feel inadequate. (and he isnt). so any of u guys know a way to make the clitoris more sensitive to touch? i even thought of taking pills that highten the sex drive maybe it would help in achieving an orgasn faster and it wont need so much time? i know u may think its stupid but i think its a real problem for me. Link to comment
bebecole Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 try giving yourself a orgasm first, or experienting with yourself. Link to comment
Meow18 Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 The important thing is to not fake it. Honestly, I think your boyfriend would feel worse knowing that you have been faking it.. It might make your boyfriend feel inadequate, but he will get over it. It's just something you need to say is about you, not what he's doing. For me, it took awhile. Maybe you just aren't relaxed. Maybe you don't wait long enough before you end up faking it.. I think your main problem is that you are too worried about taking too long. If you are busy worrying about little things, of course you won't orgasm.. You just need to clear your mind and relax. I don't think your boyfriend will think it's unsexy. He probably enjoys every minute of it! But definitely talk to him about this. THat always helps. Link to comment
SAMRA2 Posted June 7, 2006 Author Share Posted June 7, 2006 thanks maggie18, i know what ur sayin is right and that i shouldnt fake it, but takin too long just kills the mood and i want him to know that i am happy regardless of havin an orgasm o0r not. i want him to feel that he can please me likei please him. i just dont want him to get tired and bored while doin it. Link to comment
Meow18 Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Tell him that. Seriously. He will appreciate hearing it, and you will no longer have to fake it.. If he's aware of this problem, you can both work together on this. I'm sure that when you tell him that you worry that taking too long kills the mood, or makes you unsexy to him.. he will tell you that he loves it. But by faking it, it's like lying to him. After awhile, it's not going to be enough for you. And if you wait too long, he's not going to appreciate the fact that you were fakign it the whole time.. It's just better to work on this sooner than later. Link to comment
eleanorrigby1 Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Sex is a two person activity, dont just lie there waiting/expecting your boyfriend to give you an orgasm, experiment, wiggle around try positions where his pelvis is pressing hard on your clitoris. Oral, introduce sex toys. I have a friend who uses a vibrator eveytime her boyfriend goes out because she is too afraid to tell him that she can't orgasm with him! its sad! My boyfriend says Im a pain in the *rse sometimes because it can take me ages to get 'there' but I wouldnt fake it, if I don't orgasm, he knows and he doesn't feel inadequate, he just sometimes feels knackered! ha ha Link to comment
nottoogreen Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Hi SAMRA, Concur with maggie's posts. You are not relaxed, so it won't work. Many women can not orgasm by pure intercourse. Suggest he takes care of you oraly, but you have to relax and enjoy yourself! Do you have any worries - getting pregnant, STD, relationship issues, trust issues,...? Link to comment
nottoogreen Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Sex is a two person activity, dont just lie there waiting/expecting your boyfriend to give you an orgasm, experiment, wiggle around try positions where his pelvis is pressing hard on your clitoris. Oral, introduce sex toys. I have a friend who uses a vibrator eveytime her boyfriend goes out because she is too afraid to tell him that she can't orgasm with him! its sad! My boyfriend says Im a pain in the *rse sometimes because it can take me ages to get 'there' but I wouldnt fake it, if I don't orgasm, he knows and he doesn't feel inadequate, he just sometimes feels knackered! ha haOnce had a gf on top rubbing her clit on my pubis and it hurt, my eyes were watering when she finally finished. I hurt for two days. Guess it was my worst f*k. I have never used toys and vibrators and am against them for fear of overstimulation doing damage and causing insensitivity. Relaxing matters and patience matters Your bf seems to get good excercise Link to comment
jabele Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Samra, I'm SO glad you brought this topic up! My clitoris is not really sensitive to touch either, and I'd love to hear suggestions about ways to increase excitment or things that can heighten touch sensation. I know that, even when I touch/play with myself down there- nothign happens. In fact, I've never even given MYSELF an orgasm that way-- and use a semi nontraditional approach. If I can't touch myself that way, how the heck can I expect anyone else to. Suggestions also appreciated Link to comment
nottoogreen Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Samra, I'm SO glad you brought this topic up! My clitoris is not really sensitive to touch either, and I'd love to hear suggestions about ways to increase excitment or things that can heighten touch sensation. I know that, even when I touch/play with myself down there- nothign happens. In fact, I've never even given MYSELF an orgasm that way-- and use a semi nontraditional approach. If I can't touch myself that way, how the heck can I expect anyone else to. Suggestions also appreciated Hi jabele, My gut feeling is that one has to be aroused to be really sensitive there. Relaxation is important too. Someone doing it is much more exciting! I hope the semi nontraditional approach does not include vibrators, which can cause insensitivity or other forms of aggressive stimulation. Girls would be able to explain this better lie down, relax and give yourself a breast massage and follow your nipples errect and your arousal rise slowly. Then keep one hand on a breast and move the other hand down, circling the out lips, sometimes touching the clit, follow your feelings... Link to comment
jabele Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 I hope the semi nontraditional approach does not include vibrators, which can cause insensitivity or other forms of aggressive stimulation. Haha, nope. No vibrators...though I know a lot of people use them... I mean, I've touched down there when I do feel excited, but I guess I don't know how to do it right- and usually get frustrated and go back to my usual way... I usually don't even want to be touched down there when I'm hooking up/kissing someone, because I know it probably won't work so I figure- "why bother?" Link to comment
nottoogreen Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Haha, nope. No vibrators...though I know a lot of people use them... I mean, I've touched down there when I do feel excited, but I guess I don't know how to do it right- and usually get frustrated and go back to my usual way... I usually don't even want to be touched down there when I'm hooking up/kissing someone, because I know it probably won't work so I figure- "why bother?" OK, so your hardware should be alright then.. May I ask what is your usual way? Me thinks you are in your own way - we all are at times please relax breathing deep and try to make yourself feel good with breast massage and move along from there... Link to comment
Ash Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Samra, you'll very likely get more sensitive as the age. I wouldn't worry about it a great deal. If you enjoy sex, then all is good. Don't fake it, it's not something that's easy to explain if/when he figures it out. Anybody particularly experienced at being with a woman who orgasms won't be fooled for too long as it's very hard (impossible!) to fake some of the involuntary responses like the upper body and facial flush, and the rippling tummy muscles that often just precede a strong orgasm. How long is a long time? It takes my partner the better side of an hour to orgasm. That's perfectly okay with both of us. She doesn't always orgasm, but she still greatly enjoys the whole process. Oral sex can often cause more sensations then fingering. Also, is your clitoris hidden away behind it's hood most of the time? You can carefully expose it more and see if more direct stimulation helps. As other posters have said though you generally have to be sexually aroused before your clitoris becomes sensitive and hard. Until that point it can be quite tricky to feel a lot from having it touched. Link to comment
jabele Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 May I ask what is your usual way? Totally an embarrassing thing to talk about, but I guess you could say I rub again something.... Link to comment
Ash Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Totally an embarrassing thing to talk about, but I guess you could say I rub again something.... Heavens, don't be embarrassed about that. It's very normal! Link to comment
nottoogreen Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Totally an embarrassing thing to talk about, but I guess you could say I rub again something.... Nothing embarrassing, no problem as long as is not too tough (toothbrush), my gf uses pillow btw. Anyway, try relaxing and concentrating, and be gentle... Edited: forgot, sorry - moaning helps too. Seriously, only very experienced women can have good orgasms without moaning and even them have to be rather noisy to have a great orgasm. As I mentioned often, a female orgasm should lead to a black out and feeling extremely fatigued. Link to comment
truthbetold Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 I usually only orgasm when fingered or he goes down on me. I mean I feel really good when we are having sex, and I get close, but it just never seems to come. We talked about it once before, he had said something about I would never be able to fake it with him, and it sparked my interest. I was like why? He goes because you can feel when you orgasm, your muscles all tighten up on me. I said I'm sure I could fake that and then he started getting paranoid and asking if I was faking lol. I told him that sometimes I can't get off, and I told him the positions I like that get me really going. We've worked on those positions and added in some more touching of the clit while we're having sex, and only yesterday I was able to get off without being fingered or having him go down on me. We just had what I consider awesome sex. Usually I stop him when I get close to orgasming, but he told me he wouldn't stop yesterday, and he didn't! He kept going at it until he knew I came then he stopped for a minute and I couldn't even open my eyes right away because it was so intense I snapped them shut and arched my back and the whole ten yards. It was great. I don't know if anything like that would work for you, but it did wonders with me. The only problem was it still took a long time before I got off like that. Link to comment
Dubzuk Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 i think that faking it would make him feel worse, just try explaining to him that sometimes u take longer and get him to experiment with u. Link to comment
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