She is confused and I dont know how to approach her

[Armyguy3682003]

I have been seeing this girl for almost 3 months now. We hit it off great from our first date and she gave me two letters after our first date. The lettes stated that she really enjoyed being with me and was afraid she would fall in love. Well, guess what. She is falling in love with me and I am falling in love with her as well. The problem I see here is she is afraid to be with me at times becasue she is in love with me and I can read it on her face. She is a nanny and will be going back home in 8 months. She told me that she feels this in not her becasue she was dating before me and feels that all she wanted to do is date different people since she wont be here for good, in the US. I can understand that and told her my feelings, saying I understand and asked if she wanted to stop seeing me. She said no. I cant stop thinking of her and vise versa. She sends me text messages and leaves messages on my phone saying "I miss you a lot and love ya". Especially when I went away for miliary training for 3 weeks at the beginning of our relationship, 2 weeks after I met her.

 

I feel that she is confused, is young (22) and doesnt know what she wants. Her mind says no, but her heart says yes. We get very intimate with one another, but she wont have sex, but I feel she does by the way her body reacts. She says she always loves being with me and loves my poems I write her, I cook her dinner, etc. I feel at times I might be giving too much to her as well. I even told her that I dont want to smother her and give her space, since I learned from my last relationship.

 

So any thoughts on this and what I should do, cause I guess I am confused what to do. Thanks for any advise and sorry about the length of this.

[nicorette]

well, i dont know what you should do. however, if i was in your position, i think id just go with it. its another 8 months right? ANYTHING can happen in between now and that time. maybe seh wont decide to move. something could happena nd for some resaon you guys may not be together in eight months. i personally think you should just go with it, but if you do that, make sure you know the consequences that if in 8 months you two are still dating and she does leave, that you will be able to have a logn distance relationship if thats what you want.

[Gracelove]

Just relax and be yourself.

If you feel it is right, have a conversation with her expressing you feelings and concerns.

Do you want a serious relationship with her? If she leaves the U.S. will you be willing to keep up correspondence with her?

What type of relationship would you like to have with her?

It's understandable that she still wants to be around you. I'm sure she deems you to be a wonderful friend.

And I can understand why she may not want to get too close, she is probably concerned about saying "goodbye", when the time comes to leave the U.S.

Goodbyes are hard enough without having to break off a relationship in the process.

[spookylittlegirl]

I have to agree with Gracelove's comment that perhaps this girl doesn't want to get too close, thus making saying good-bye that much harder. If things are good the way they are, you have a great time together, you share a bond, and communicate, then don't put the added pressure of wanting more from her if she's not willing to give it.

 

But I also have to agree with nicorette in that 8 months is a long time. Think where you were 8 months ago and how things have changed since. In 6 months time you two may have lost interest or on the other hand she could be ready to think about making her stay in the US permanent.

 

Slow down, Rome wasn't built in a day and neither are great relationships. See how things progress for the next little while and then revisit the possibility of making a more committed step. You may not feel like you have the luxury of time, but make the time you do have well worth it. Live for now, not in anticipation of her departure.

[Armyguy3682003]

Thanks for the reply all of you that replied:

 

I understand what you are saying. I try to take things one at a time. I am also realizing that she has a hard time communicating her feelings. She said that to me last night. We went out last night with her friends and had some beer. She probably had a little too much and said she wanted to go either to her place byherself, to her friends or mine. So I said its up to you, being the gentleman that I am. I guess I didnt realize she was saying she wanted to come back to my place, but I was trying to be the nice guy that I am and let her decided becasue I didnt want her to think I was trying to get her drunk and take her back to my place. So she said well, I have given you two chances already and you only get three strikes. That pissed me off. Here I was trying to be a gentleman and it comes back and slaps me in the face. I guess this is what I hate about some women, they play games. I have said before that I wanted here to stay the night other times, but she said no. So now I let her decide and she says that I had a chance and lost it. She told me that when she says no, it means yes sometimes. Grrrrrrrr. Cant she just say yes! So I dont know if this has hurt or hurting our relationship. I just found out that she doesnt like to show affection towards me when we are out with her friends as well. I felt like I was being blown off when I was out with her playing pool yesterday. So, these are my problems and need help to get through them.

[Alpha J]

Well from your last post, she is playing games, at least with that whole "no means yes". I dont know how far you want to pursue her, but I hate it when people do that because us men, we dont read minds. And especially with society today, when a man hears "no", to be safe that means NO. Tell her that if she wants you to do something or if she wants something she needs to tell you Yes if it means Yes. All the mind games arent healthy for a relationship.

[JustNormal]

She is 22. I personally wait till a woman gets kicked in the head by the world before I entertain dating them. 25-26 seems to be the age when they mature.

 

Auto insurance drops.. USAA is half price, all kinds of nice stuff. Get the good loan rates and .. Oh, they don't screw with your head. Which I like. That's the clincher for me really.

 

Here's the thing. If you sleep with her, odds are you'll be closer, yes. But closer to what? She's playing games with you in this situation, which means she doesn't get it or doesn't care.

 

I detect cultural issues here by what you said about her friends. If you are crossing a racial divide here, you can't do that with a teeny-bopper. It doesn't work. She has to be a real grown-up. And not only that, but she has to be strong- which means she would not give a squirt of p*** if her friends saw you together. But, that isn't the case.

 

I don't know man. What do you want to do with her? You could get married, which makes people grow up quite a bit and is very hard to hide. Or you can have a quicky and let her mature elsewhere. Or you can cut bait and let her mature elsewhere, and come out clean. Up to you soldier.