Her parents. What to do.

[Casket]

I went on my first date with this girl yesterday, she is almost 15 and i am 17. I really like this girl and i dont know why. She is the first person ive ever met that when she tells me something, i believe 100% that shes telling the truth.

 

I wanted to take her into the the city to see a movie (we would have to catch a train in and out). She loved this idea but i was sure her parents wouldnt let her even know she ensured me that they would. This 17 year old bloke whom they have never met wants to take their daughter into the city to see a movie at dark.

 

So needless to say i wasnt the least bit surprised when she told me that it couldnt happen, however i was when she told me her dad forbade her to go out with me, but at the same time i could understand 100% why.

 

Her dad let her go to the movies with me, but only down to the local cinema and he picked her up as soon as it was finished (he checked the finishing times). So anyway, we went and we had a great time, i loved it.

 

So when i get back she messages me and told me that her mum and dad spoke about it and they said it was OK if we went out on another data, but only after i met both the mum, the dad, the brother and the brothers gf. I said ok and told her to tell me a time that suited her parents etc.

 

Then i find out that if i am approved that we can go out, but only in the local area and at day. I like this girl, but what is a boy to do? How long must i wait to be able to take her to the movies past 5pm? What can i do? I cant wait 2 years just to be able to take someone to the movies.

 

I know they think i want sex, if i hear the comment "i was 17 once too" im going to throw up. They may have been 17 BUT THEY WERE NOT ME AND HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE ME. Ok, most 17 year old guys only want to get into a girls pants, but thats not me. I only want to be held and loved and know i mean something to someone.

 

So, on top of this i am going to america soon for a month. Her mothers bf (her parents have split up) asked if she was impressed when she told him and acted like a complete * * * *. I made this decison LONG before i ever met her.

 

I feel like ive been weighed and judged before ive even had a chance to do anything.

[Beyondthesea]

Well, she is only 14...that's pretty young to be dating, let alone someone who is 17 years old. I can understand their concerns.

 

When you meet them, just be polite, kind and respectful. Don't hang all over their daughter while there, offer to help with dishes if you have a meal, etc. Just try your best to address any concerns they have.

[nicorette]

hmm, youre going to have to deal with arrogant people liek that. i can somewhat understand where her parents are coming from, but i think theyre taking it to the extremes. if you really liek the girl know that this is what you are getting into, and if shes worth it, then go for it. meet with the parents, let them know how mature you are and that youre a gentleman. they cant be that bad. just meet up with them and be extremely polite. let us know how it went.

[Casket]

Believe me i can understand fully, i really can.

 

So how would i address any concerns, would i just anwser the questions asked thruthfully or would i initiate them or what? And i most definatly wouldnt be all over her, infact i would probably keep a distance from her. Id be afraid of even hugging her goodbye.

[Beyondthesea]

Exactly just answer any questions they fire truthfully. They probably just want to make sure you are a gentlemen to them and their family.

 

If they bring up concerns about your age/her age, be sure to say you understand.

 

Be sure that you tell them you will respect their wishes about her curfew, etc. They could just be worried you are going to 'get her into trouble.'

[Casket]

I believe their primary concern is about me taking her virginity and then leaving her hurt and alone.

 

So i should just be a gentleman and be very polite and gentleman like and anwser all question truthfully. I will be extremly nervous =]

[Ians Mommy]

Trust me, I know what it's like. Except for it's the opposite way around. When I was 15, I was going out with my current fiance (we're waiting 2 years to see if we're really meant to get married) and my parents didn't know. They ended up finding out about it when my dad found a pregnancy test in my trashcan. My dad threatened to press charges on him for statuatory rape because I was under 16 (I'm in the US) and forbid me from every talking to him again.

 

See, what you're saying is that her parent's are afraid that you are going to take her virginity and leave her is basically the opposite of what happened to me. My dad FORCED me to break up with him and that's how I got hurt. My dad caused me to get hurt. In the end, I am with him now and my parent's know I am completely in love with him and that it wasn't a mistake last year and my dad has even apologized for all he had done to me and him.

 

When you meet her parents, if her mother and father ask about the sex issue, just be like "I do not want to have sex with your daughter until she is ready. I'd never force her to do anything that she doesn't want to do." If you straight up say that you won't have sex with her ever, they'll be put off probably even more.

 

Plus, be really really nice to them and answer questions truthfully, unless they ask if you drink or something just say no (I don't know if you do or not). Tell them things to make them trust you. and do things for the girl to make her trust you, that's the biggest one to know.

 

Yeah, here I am 16 and giving a 17 year old advice lol.

[avman]

I can understand where the parents are coming from. I would be equally as protective of my 14 year old until I really, really got to know her boyfriend and trusted him.

 

I know this seems like a real pain but if you take the time to build trust with her parents then they will ease up the restrictions gradually. They aren't judging you necessarily. They are just being cautious and wary. If you act impatient and get defensive I can promise you the restrictions will get harsh and they may forbid you from seeing her again.

 

Just be a decent guy. Follow their restrictions. Get to know them and be patient. It will come around. If they see that their daughter is very comfortable around you and they know that you are being good to her things will change.