why am i so easily annoyed by him?HELP!!

[TrappedScaredAlone]

Hello everybody. PLEASE READ this WHOLE THING, I NEED ADVICE ASAP!!! I am hanging out, not dating but having sex with this guy for about 2 weeks now. You see we met in December 2004, dated until June 2005. We didn't see each other at all from the end of June 2005 until May 2006. I told him that I still loved him and he claims he is in love with me, still. Even since the first day we hung out after not seeing each other for so long, in May 2006, at the end of the night I was already getting annoyed by the way he laughs. It's like a forced fake laugh that really irritates me. I must sound mean or something, but Im really not and this surprises me why just this one person annoys me so much at little things he does. Things that probably come natural to him. The way he does things and says "ok" while he's doing it and UGH it just really in a way, disgusts me and turns me off. I don't know why I feel this way, it never bothered me when we were going out last year. Well we're not going out, but we tell each other we love each other and we occasionally have sex. He is really nice to me, maybe too nice, if that is possible? I think it might have something to do with that we are both Cancers(zodiac sign), which means we are both really sensitive. If I'm not laughing at everything he says, he always asks me if Im ok or whats wrong? It feels suffocating along with being really annoying. He always interrupts me when Im talking too. He always points out "sluts" and stares at them when girls are walking on the street. That REALLY gets to me. But my main problem is, why does his air laughs annoy me so much? It sounds like he's forcing out a laugh and then he blows out air after....It sounds kind of funny but it REALLY annoys the heck out of me and turns me off. All I can think of why he annoys me so much is I think he's too attentive to me at times like when I don't laugh at things he says he always thinks something is wrong and then when I try to talk to him, he interrupts me with "look at that S L U T" and when I say , "excuse me I was talking," he tells me to say it again but I hate repeating myself and Im tired of doing it ALL the time!! We never fight and we seem to get along, but I have been keeping all these annoyances inside of me and I don't think I have a right to tell him that I think the way he laughs is annoying, or the way he always says "ok" and "alrighty" while he's, let's say, cleaning tables....He'll spray down one table, say "ok", wipe it down with paper towels and say "alrighty" and do an air laugh and then do the same thing on the next table and so on. WHY does these little things annoy me soo much? I may not love him, but besides that, nobody else annoys me like that, it's just him and he is so nice to me except for the things I mentioned above that I don't like him doing which I've already talked to him about and he still does it. Well except for the pointing out and staring at "sluts" on the side of the street, as he calls them, I havent brought up that fact but I think him calling them "sluts" might just be an excuse so he can stare at them and check them out in front of me!? I can't stand when guys do that and he does it. I KNOW we're not dating, but if he really does love me, he shouldn't be staring as much as he does!!Especially since he always tells me how he thinks he's ugly and he supposedly thinks Im hot. It's mostly the little things he does that really annoy me. OH, another thing is everytime I try telling him the right way to do something or even if I try telling him what I've been told is right, he always insists that the way he knows is the right way, or whatever he says is always right. It's really frustrating. I have an idea of whats wrong here, we seem to just be more opposite then we were when we first dated, maybe growing apart is the right term? I just feel like he ignores me unless he wants sex from me...WHY are all the guys I've dated like this? Is it just the age or do I just attract the wrong kind of guy? The only things he ever wants to talk about are "sluts" on the side of the street as we're driving, or "sluts" on tv, or guns, or kicking people's butts, or his ex girlfriends, or having sex with me, or smoking cigarettes. THAT is ALL he talks about with me!!!!!!!!! Another thing, before we started seeing each other again, he lied to me and said he was quitting smoking cigarettes, he claimed he only smoked one every week or so, YA RITE. Then he changed it to smoking a pack a week and now he smokes at least 2 packs a week when Im around. He knows I HATE it but he still smokes around me. He doesn't call it lieing, he calls it "stretching the truth." Which is what he did just so I would come back with him and have sex with him. He told me he was only smoking one cigarette every other week and the more we talked about seeing each other again, he slowly changed it to more and more cigarettes until I hung out with him and really saw how much he is smoking. I just hate the fact that he had to lie to me just so he could get what he wanted. He claims he has no friends but he has strange numbers on his phone and he has access to a car, so I am pretty sure he is seeing somebody else. If he is or if he isn't, he is constantly talking about one of his ex girlfriends or another (he had like at least 10) EVERY DAY. Who wants to hear about that? definitely not me! I brought that up and he still talks about it. He always complains to me that he doesnt have any friends, but all day while we're driving around, he'll see like 5-10 people each day that he claims are his friends. I don't know if he has something wrong with him or what. But I need people's advice ASAP so I can figure out what Im going to do with this guy because I can't keep being this stressed out all the time! So what the heck is going on here and what should I do? Thank you all for your time, advice and support!

[Meow18]

Well, you are right. You can't tell him to laugh a different way.

 

But the fact that he does interrupt you, and doesn't seem to care about talking to you about anything other than sex is a problem.

 

why are you still with this guy? You aren't "official", but you love each other? If he really loved you, you wouldn't just be sex buddies.

 

I don't know if you really love him, only you know that. But honestly, there's something wrong with this picture. If I were you, I would just get rid of him. If you've already talked to him about things that bother you, and he doesn't seem to be trying to do differently, then he's not going to change.

 

And the fact that all these little things really bother you just proves that it's not going to last. I mean, can you picture being with a guy like this forever?

[Meow18]

You asked why all the guys you date are like this.

 

Do you always have sex so early in a relationship? Cause, when a couple isn't ready for that step it can really ruin a lot of things.

 

I would suggest holding off on the sex until you and the guy really know each other. Cause then if a guy is planning on using you for sex, he will just leave if he's not getting any. That way you get rid of the jerks before getting too attached.

[robowarrior]

Love should be 'unconditional' you should love him for what he is, not in what you want to force him to be so it fits inside your world. Personally i think you are the one who is being immature into looking for some 'non existant perfect guy' , and you don't deserve a guy like him to begin with. your a typical 'either my way, or the highway' kind of girl. This is why you have compatibility issues, show some 'flexability' ok it annoys you, but since you can't have a perfect guy, you will have to look in a different way. Put all the positives and negatives together and look at the picture, if the picture is more positive then negative you should keep him. And if you put up your standards any higher then that, be prepared for searching a needle in a haystack, mr.perfect doesn't exist , my advice is that you 'lower' your standards, and accept him for the way he is. You know another big problem of yours is.

 

You are making your heart a murder hole. A relationship is a continues investment of love and light into the other persons life. He didn't step into your life so you could make his life miserable, and you didn't step in his life for the same reason but to make eachother happy right? So don't pour droplets of darkness and hatred into his life, you see Good couple's complain to eachother to what is bothering them. They 'communicate' and you still have a lot to learn when it comes to relationships. You see a good relationship is about being together, but still letting eachother being able let to do their own thing. Freedom within boundries, so to say. In the brain sound is linked to emotion so it might not be that strange you get irritated. So just say it to him, can you please stop that irritating sound when you do a table? If he is unwilling to stop after your request you can always stop seeing him on the basis of irritance, and i don't get your point, you two are in love with eachother, so its only natural that he gives you attention. Or are you one of those girls that rather have a jerk that hit and beat them showing them all corners of the house and turning their faces into sirup? Really ,appreciate and enjoy what you have in your hands here. I mean that's the alternative if you leave him, if you have a great and nice guy now, don't expect anything 'nice' to come next if you get someone else. Its your choice tho.

[TrappedScaredAlone]

Wow I really like your outlook and perspective on holding off on sex MAGGIE18. It is really hard these days, especially with me being such a nice, subsmissive, shy, quiet and sensitive girl I am. I think I get guys that take advantage of me or use me for sex, because I am vulnerable and guys see that. He never forces me to do anything though, which is nice, because he knows the crap I went through with my last (abusive & controlling) boyfriend. Im turning 21 next month and it is really hard to find a nice guy who doesn't wanna have sex right away, but it is even hard for me sometimes to control myself if I am really attracted to that person....you know hard to hold off on sex when you first meet them. But now that I think of it, it will be for the best and ensure that I won't end up with a guy who just wants me for sex. And if he is a great guy, when we finally do get to that stage of having sex, it will be incredible I bet! How long should I wait to have sex with someone? What is fair and practical for people my age do you think?

[TrappedScaredAlone]

Well you didnt have to be so rude....maybe if you read what I recentely got out of, three weeks ago, you would of been more understanding. Here it is:

[Meow18]

Actually, those nice guys who want relationships are EVERYWHERE! You just have to know how to find them. And honestly, by holding off on the sex, you see who is in it to be with you and who is in it for the sex.

 

I once had this "friend" who had a thing for me. He would always ask me if I wanted to have sex with him. And he was cute, but I had that feeling about him that he wasn't really into getting to know me. Well, he would always pretend like he wanted a relationship with me. And even then I still rejected the sex invitation. Eventually he told me that he just wanted something physical and if I wasn't going to have sex with him, then he didn't want to be with me.

 

Honestly, if a guy really loves you and really really cares about getting to know you, he would be willing to wait forever. He might not like waiting, but if that's what it takes to be with you, then he would do it.

 

In my opinion, when you are really in love, it is the best. Me and my boyfriend waited 1 1/2 years before we started having sex. Maybe that's too long for you, and that's just fine. I mean, even making them wait a few months can help you see who the good guys are from the bad ones.

 

Here's what you do. When you start dating a guy, and the topic of sex comes up, just tell him that you aren't sure when you will be ready to do it with him. Tell him you really like him, but you have rushed into it in the past and just want to develop a strong relationship with the guy first.

 

If he has a good reaction to that, then he's really into you. If he isn't understanding and hates the idea, then he's a jerk that you should dump right away.

[Beyondthesea]

Hon you just got out of that horrible relationship 3 weeks ago...I don't think right now is the best time to jump back into the fire, especially with this guy.

 

To be honest, he doesn't sound very loving or good to you either. Just because he hasn't physically hit you doesn't mean he isn't being abusive. Personally I don't think he is good for you, and you shouldn't be with him.

Being lonely by yourself is a thousand times better than being lonely with someone else.

 

He is very rude to you...I would drop him.

 

Hugs darling, I know how hard you are trying.

[TrappedScaredAlone]

Thank you everyone for the advice.........any other advice because Im still confused. I want to make sure Im making the right decision. I don't love him but Im wondering why I still have all these feelings of annoyance and other stuff for him?

[Meow18]

Maybe you just care about him a lot. But he's not the person you really want to be with. Maybe your annoyances are just trying to let you know that you need better.

 

Or maybe deep down you really wish he would be in a committed relationship with you, and that's just messing with your thoughts.

 

It could be anything really. Of course there probably is a real answer, but you might never know what that is.

[TrappedScaredAlone]

Well we're done for good now. I think I deserve better than to be ignored for sluts walking down the street...to say the least. thanks everybody!