Being different on so many levels has it's good & bad points..

[KIDD]

These days I'm just doing what I have to do to make it in the world. It's hard being different but it feels like I'm only on a certain level & everyone is still at the bottom. I don't want to sound like I'm saying I'm superior to people or anything.It just seems most people are so ignorant when it comes down to something that's not in societies norm.

 

Ok today at my job an obviously gay couple walked in holding hands. They had t-shirts with gay pride & everything like that. As I watched, I noticed the customers & my co-workers reactions & I just thought it was so funny in a sense. I mean so what?!! They're gay & their in love & so what if they want to express it? I don't understand what is the big deal? Just go about your daily routines.

 

On top of that today, I had a lunch break & it seemed like all of the male coworkers got together to talk about women & sports LOL Of course I have no interest in women or sports so I was bored out of my mind.I wish I could let them know I'm gay & they could just accept me for who I am but I know that's impossible. Saying that I am gay at work will have rumors flying left & right. Not only that, but I would seriously have to deal with the homophobic ones... especially the guys! Basically saying that I am not into talking to girls or into sports.. they may already classify me as being gay or at least being a nerd.All they talked about were the sexy women that walked by the store.They say "Oh she's so hot & I'd do her!!" type comments & they talk about the different women they cheat on & play! I just think it's so immature & childish. I was a littler edgey when one of the guys said, "Did you see that chick just look at you!!?" You better hop on that. I basically replied with a that's alright type response. Then they basically were like what is wrong!? I had to lie & say I have a girlfriend. They got on me about being committed. Ugh... people these days..

 

I give up on finding other guys like me off the internet. They usually have hidden agendas & they want SEX from you. I'm trying to stop talking to a guy now I met & was talking to. What bothers me so much is that he lied about looking for friends & he even sorta led me on to believe he liked me too. He basically played with my emotions because I sorta developed feelings for him & I'm still trying to get over him. I found out that he meets different guys off of the net almost everyday to have sex!!! Which is so disgusting. Being sexually promiscous like that will probably get him an STD if he doesn't already have one. I'm so turned off by him & he treated me lke crap at the end so I'm trying to cut ties with him now. It seems like no one wants a stable relationship anymore. Everyone just wants one night stands & meaningless sex?? I mean am I the only one who's REALLY LOOKING FOR THE ONE???

 

Right now I'm a little annoyed with society. I can never really be myself & I can never really do what I want because of people's ignorance.Straight people have it so much easier than gay people. If you see a cute guy or girl, all you have to do is talk to them & if they turn you down, you move on & get over it. We on the otherhand have to worry about getting knocked out or getting looked at weird just because I wanted to talk to another guy. Then 9 times out of 10 he's most likely straight so you never had the chance anyway.

 

Things are rough as always but I guess they'll get better with time. I was just thinking about how messed up this world is. If we could all just come together, there would be less violence & suicides. I'm basically just examining people & I'm watching people & it just seems sad sometimes to me how people are.

[Dako]

Another wonderful post.

You're right about being straight being easier, but I'm sure in time your intelligence and character will find a niche in the world. I don't know how serious gay couples meet, but the couples I've known appreciate being in a solid relationship. I really hope to someday read that you've found someone deserving of you.

[Jinx]

They got on me about being committed.

 

Isn't that nice. To think some of these people are probably ones who fret like nothing else over the fact we'll be in committed, long term relationships someday and possibly even married. Hm. What standards.

 

It seems like no one wants a stable relationship anymore. Everyone just wants one night stands & meaningless sex?? I mean am I the only one who's REALLY LOOKING FOR THE ONE???

That I agree fully with. At your age and mine people a lot of people say they'll last forever with their partner, well needless to say, if that is true I've been through a lot of forevers in my life. Then others just want to live the moment, get as much done as they can in their youth because it is like they believe there is no life after commitment and marriage.

 

Honestly for myself, I think that is just a better step up in life and sign of being stable and mature. Not many want to look at it like that then again. I've actually softened a deal about the idea of marriage (gay or otherwise) and thinking it is a step I'll probably take eventually if the law somewhere will allow a future partner and I to do so. It is me just growing older I think that has helped, thinking more towards family and what is to come eventually.

 

I don't strive to live all my youth and have all the experiences now. I think I might need to allow all experiences to come fluidly and enjoy life. Nonetheless, it isn't a popular thought pattern it seems these days. Yet neither of us are ruining our lives like others are with such behavior. Building up towards alcoholism, addiction, contracting an STD, so forth. They still have that sense of adolescent immortality that they cannot be burnt. Well I presume with those individuals its going to take a huge smack over the head with the reality stick in order for it to click in that This isn't the land of fun and games where no one gets hurt.

 

Then 9 times out of 10 he's most likely straight so you never had the chance anyway.

I love your points in that paragraph but for lengths sake I'll quote one sentence. It is true. I was out just the other night to an event where I was receiving a Scholarship honor. Dressed in a suit, that itself made many people turn their heads at whatever angles to look. Some you could see were whispering to each other as I looked for my table.

 

I am trying to be myself but it really is a downer when you can't dress in what is comfortable for you because of stereotypical profiling. While yes I am a lesbian, what about the woman who is straight as can be and just thinks it is more comfortable wear? She gets labeled too.

 

I could tell the women in this room had already made their decisions. The men were more open. Came up shaked hands, couple hugs, pat on the back. General stuff. The women for most part wouldn't of touched me with a ten foot pole hadn't it been the husbands and sons came to congratulate me here and there. There was but one woman who (I knew already) came up and approached me easily. It was a sad affair.

 

Some just treat us more like nuclear waste than fellow humans.

 

It is true about the flirting. You'll see, even at this event I was at, they mingle and see a man or woman who they haven't put any stereotypes to and will approach. They converse merrily without problem and no one cares. I or a gay man approach another in such a manner we have to stay on guard to make sure we're not going to get hurt over it. I can't even approach some women just for casual conversation because they get the jitters that I'm trying to 'seduce' them.

 

Unless my words and tongue are one heck of a persuasive seduction team that leaves the woman fretting that she is going to come along with me through sudden temptation, they really have nothing to fear. Furthermore, one night stands are not appealing to me, no seduction needed in that case anyhow.

 

I was just thinking about how messed up this world is.

 

Mmhmm. Just keep watching, it gets worst, progressively. I spend a deal of my do nothing time just watching others converse. One part of gaining social skills and understanding others is watching interaction but I will say a deal of it is disturbing. Way people treat another and the basis for which they do or make assumptions on in order to accept or decline.

 

The bad part is how many become fellow outcasts because of labels being thrown around like confetti, constantly. We are not alone in that.

[FoxLocke]

These days I'm just doing what I have to do to make it in the world. It's hard being different but it feels like I'm only on a certain level & everyone is still at the bottom. I don't want to sound like I'm saying I'm superior to people or anything.It just seems most people are so ignorant when it comes down to something that's not in societies norm.

 

I completely understand. Sometimes--at the risk of sounding elitist--I feel like I have surpassed my family, and former friends, intellectually and emotionally. They seem to be stagnant, and now I just feel bored around them. Which is sad to say sometimes, but it's true.

Being gay you really have to be introspective and thoughtful...Because you're trying to figure out where you fit in the world, which leads to more philosophical thinking and etc...

Be proud of yourself kid. This is progress...

 

Ok today at my job an obviously gay couple walked in holding hands. They had t-shirts with gay pride & everything like that. As I watched, I noticed the customers & my co-workers reactions & I just thought it was so funny in a sense. I mean so what?!! They're gay & their in love & so what if they want to express it? I don't understand what is the big deal? Just go about your daily routines.

 

It is something that they don't understand so they fear it. I actually think it is BRAVE for a gay couple to walk hand in hand. I see straight couples kissing and groping in public. Public displays of affection physically repulse me, yet it is tolerated because it is seen as "the normal" thing to do.

But if we show affection we risk being physically violated. It is so ridiculous.

But, to be fair, not all straight people are that ignorant and intolerant. There are many people out there who are pro gay and lesbian, and that want civil rights for gays.

 

On top of that today, I had a lunch break & it seemed like all of the male coworkers got together to talk about women & sports LOL Of course I have no interest in women or sports so I was bored out of my mind.I wish I could let them know I'm gay & they could just accept me for who I am but I know that's impossible. Saying that I am gay at work will have rumors flying left & right. Not only that, but I would seriously have to deal with the homophobic ones... especially the guys! Basically saying that I am not into talking to girls or into sports.. they may already classify me as being gay or at least being a nerd.All they talked about were the sexy women that walked by the store.They say "Oh she's so hot & I'd do her!!" type comments & they talk about the different women they cheat on & play! I just think it's so immature & childish. I was a littler edgey when one of the guys said, "Did you see that chick just look at you!!?" You better hop on that. I basically replied with a that's alright type response. Then they basically were like what is wrong!? I had to lie & say I have a girlfriend. They got on me about being committed. Ugh... people these days..

 

This is why I only hang around other gay people or really scholastic minded straight guys. lol.

If I have to sit through, "Yo man, did you see the ___game last night? ___scored this many___" or "Yo man, I would totally ___her brains out! I wanna hit that!" or combinations, "I would totally do her and then watch the football game!"

Having to be subjected to those kinds of people is an exercise in patience. I salute you, kid(lol). Oh my god, I often want to drive a nail through my skull when I get in that kind of bind. Then you either have to pretend to be straight or just excuse yourself for some reason or another.

 

The irony of it is that they accuse gay men of being overly promiscous and etc....Yet, some straight men lead equally, if not moreso, carnal lives.

 

 

I give up on finding other guys like me off the internet. They usually have hidden agendas & they want SEX from you. I'm trying to stop talking to a guy now I met & was talking to. What bothers me so much is that he lied about looking for friends & he even sorta led me on to believe he liked me too. He basically played with my emotions because I sorta developed feelings for him & I'm still trying to get over him. I found out that he meets different guys off of the net almost everyday to have sex!!! Which is so disgusting. Being sexually promiscous like that will probably get him an STD if he doesn't already have one. I'm so turned off by him & he treated me lke crap at the end so I'm trying to cut ties with him now. It seems like no one wants a stable relationship anymore. Everyone just wants one night stands & meaningless sex?? I mean am I the only one who's REALLY LOOKING FOR THE ONE???

 

Kid, I think what you need right now is affirmation. It seems like you are totally in predicaments where people look down on homosexuality and gay people. You need to be around people, and do things, that will affirm you. Speaking on enotalone is the first step.

Since coming out I've been going to PFLAG meetings, professional counseling(when I can get the cash I goto my counselor, haha), internet, and devouring gay literature...Infact, I am going to give you a list of gay oriented books I have been reading. Perhaps you can get them from the library or order them online...

 

A Place at The Table by Bruce Bawer(this is my favorite!)

 

Positively Gay: New Approaches to Gay and Lesbian Life

by Betty Berzon.

 

Free Your Mind: A guide for Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Youth(even though it says "Youth" it is universal. Any aged gay person can relate) by Ellen Bass

 

Now That I'm Out What Do I do? by Brian McNaught.

 

These books have really helped me, among others. I hope you are able to find them for yourself.

 

 

 

Right now I'm a little annoyed with society. I can never really be myself & I can never really do what I want because of people's ignorance.Straight people have it so much easier than gay people. If you see a cute guy or girl, all you have to do is talk to them & if they turn you down, you move on & get over it. We on the otherhand have to worry about getting knocked out or getting looked at weird just because I wanted to talk to another guy. Then 9 times out of 10 he's most likely straight so you never had the chance anyway.

 

I understand you. I love, love, love, looking at cute guys. It's just said you have to be careful to make sure that no one is looking so that you can look. I've become quite good at averting my gaze in the nick of time. I sometimes even wear dark shades just so I can look...lol.

But I feel your pain. It is universal.

 

Things are rough as always but I guess they'll get better with time. I was just thinking about how messed up this world is. If we could all just come together, there would be less violence & suicides. I'm basically just examining people & I'm watching people & it just seems sad sometimes to me how people are.

 

Very well put. However, I am optimistic that changes will come. Just hang in there it will get better.

[KIDD]

Hey Dako,Foxlocke & Jinx!

 

I really think I'll go to the library & check those books out! The one problem I'm fearing is running into someone I know at the library, & then they ask me a whole bunch of questions as to why I'm checking out these type of books. Reading will definitely take my mind off of things when I come home from work! Thanks Foxlocke... I really hope they have these books at the library! I have a feeling my mother will have a problem with me buying these for some reason & then again maybe she won't.

 

Like I've mentioned before redundantly.. It's hard to know where you fit in in life when it seems the people around you are so close minded.It's the isolation & the loneliness that gets me all of the time. My friends & family all seem to think about the wrong things. Some want to party,some want to have sex & some just want to go wild & crazy! I'm a very laid back guy & alot of people will think I am a lame guy because I'm not into things most people in the world are interested in. It's hard to make friends with people without them classifying you as something.

 

I can't relate to the straight people & I can't even relate to alot of the gay people, well except in here!! That's what I love about this place! I think this is the only place that can really make me cling on to sanity! Which is a little sad I know...

[UT]

Great posts everyone and I'm glad you're bringing things like this up although I'm afraid I disagree on a point or two. It's not that I think you're wrong and should change opinion. It's merely my point of view and how I see things.

 

Thakid001, when it comes to finding someone off the Internet maybe you shouldn't give up quite yet. I think the problem with finding someone online isn't that there aren't any monogamous people out there looking for a serious relationship, but that you're simply looking in the wrong places.

 

Maybe a place where you put up name, gender and sexuality isn't the best place to start for someone in search of a possible boyfriend (not a possible 'roll in the hay'). In places like that are the playground for "sexual predators" (I'm not only referring to people who are out there to use minors or to find someone to rape but everyone who is in someone way only after one-night stands, going like a predator from one pray to the next always looking for something more) and one should be careful there and practically never really trust what they say unless then can prove it.

 

A good was to find someone would be through interests. Talk to people who likes the same things that you to and see how it goes and since it's the net you can be quite open. That was the way I met my boyfriend. Well.. Our problems kind of brought us together. We met here (eNotAlone) and fell in love over MSN. You could say that I hit the jack pot. I wasn't really looking for anyone. I was here to help people and he was looking for help. After a while of talking I was deeply in love with him and I still am. He's an absolute angel and I love him so much.

 

Another thing I'd like to add something to is the marriage thing. I'm pretty young and he is my first boyfriend but I'm pretty sure I want to spend the rest of my life with him. We have talked about moving in together and even considered marriage in the future. To commit has never been a problem for me (UT stands for undertaker… hehe I am the undertaker so undertaking something is no issue. I meant undertaker in both senses of what that word means) and that he's the most wonderful guy in the world makes it a lot easier. In stead of experiencing as much as possible before committing I want to experience as much as with him. It's much more fun with a second person. Someone you can hold and who can hold you.

 

There were some other stuff I was going to say but I have no time. Sorry.

[phantomwolff85]

There are definitely people out there that want to be monagomous. I wouldn't give up on the internet in helping you find love and depending on where you live it may be the only viable opition.

However, if you've never been in a relationship before make sure to take it slow. This is definitely easier said than done however, distance made my former relationship very difficult initially and it forced us to be together sooner than we were ready for.

Also just because you think you might want a relationship doesn't mean that you are ready for one. I love my ex boyfriend but we were so different and there were so many things I wanted that he didn't and vice versa that things were very difficult. If you aren't willing to be introspective don't get in a relationship.

I hope things work out well for you.