A whole lot of mix up

[Tranquil_feel]

Hi, some advice please?

 

This has been getting at me for a while now..

 

I'm from Australia, I've been dating this guy who is on the other side of Australia for 1 and a half years now, but we've known eachother for about 2 years before that, and I can honestly say it's doing pretty good. He's come over twice and has stayed for over a month in my house.

Now I'm 15 and he's 19, please dont get all freaky on the age gap, I already get enough of it..

Anyway, he said he's going to come over here and live with me soon, my mum said it was all okay and the family absolutely loves him.

 

Now.. I haven't met his family yet, and I'd be happy to meet them, my boyfriend asked if I could stay over there for a while and they said, no.

They say that it's too risky to have an "underage" girl in their house, I understand where they're getting at, I don't have a problem with it. I would love to meet them, but unfortunately mum is too protective over me and won't let me stay in a hotel alone or anything.

Well lately my boyfriend's parents have been trying to get him to break up with me, they assume that because I'm 15 (young) that I'll probably grow tired of him and just dump him just like that, and that I'm too young to be serious right now and that I'm taking up all his time and stuff, when in reality, me and my boyfriend really only talk on the phone for a couple of hours a day and its usually at night. They're threatening to ring my mum and tell my mum to end it. They think I'm distracting him from his studies even tho he got HD's on all his exams at uni.

They're also telling him that, if he moves they wont support him and they won't let him go, even tho he's 19 and legal to do anything he wants. He really wants to come over there because he finds that, over there he's really depressed all the time to the point where he's thinking of ending his life because he can't stand up to his parents coz they hurt him, but lets not go into that.

They're judging me before I've even met them, do I just sit back and take it? My boyfriend says they like me but this doesn't seem like they like me at all. It's just really upsetting and stressing me out. I need help, please? I want to help him, but should I back off?

 

Sorry for the long post.

[jessicadon]

All I think you can really do it sit back and try to not take it personally. They are just concerned about their son. You don't deserve to be treated like that, but you don't want to make him feel like he has to choose you or his family. He is an adult, and if he really wants to be with you, he will find a way.

[Sir Ulrich von Lichtenstei]

I agree with 'Jessicadon'.

 

They are stereotyping you with the average 15 year-old girl who loves boys the same way she loves her favorite stuffed animal. His dating you is not their decision to make, and if she wants to call your mom and try to tell her that it is, fight back and tell your mom the facts. He's a big boy. He can take care of his studies AND have a girlfriend at the same time.

 

(they probably said all the same thing about any other girlfriend he might have had)

 

p.s.

Your avatar is 100% ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE!

[monkey1]

I think his parents may be just thinking you are a regulary 15 year old, however ....

Now I'm 15 and he's 19, please dont get all freaky on the age gap, I already get enough of it..

Anyway, he said he's going to come over here and live with me soon, my mum said it was all okay and the family absolutely loves him.

 

This concerned me. Is he going to move in with you and your family?

 

If so, I can see how his parents might not be totally cool with you. I mean you're still super young and you're gonna be living with him and your family? I don't know, that's kinda odd to me. Their son deciding to move accross the country to live with a 15 year old and her family? Yeah, I wouldn't want to pay for my son if he wanted to do that. Just because, well he needs to be an adult and if he wants to move in with his girlfriend, whatever age that may be, then he needs to save up and support himself. It's one thing if he's moving accross the country to go to school, then I'd say ok to help him out financially, but to live with his girlfriend who is probably having her mom support her too financially? Living together is like being married.

 

Doesn't really ring well with me, and I can see parents having a problem with it.

 

I don't know ... maybe you can shed some light on this ...

[Tranquil_feel]

You don't deserve to be treated like that, but you don't want to make him feel like he has to choose you or his family. He is an adult, and if he really wants to be with you, he will find a way.

He is an adult, but he doesn't realise it for some reason.

I'm not pressuring him with his decision, well atleast I hope I'm not! =(

 

They are stereotyping you with the average 15 year-old girl who loves boys the same way she loves her favorite stuffed animal. His dating you is not their decision to make, and if she wants to call your mom and try to tell her that it is, fight back and tell your mom the facts. He's a big boy. He can take care of his studies AND have a girlfriend at the same time.

 

(they probably said all the same thing about any other girlfriend he might have had)

 

p.s.

Your avatar is 100% ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE!.

That's exactly how to describe how they're stereotyping me!

I told my mum that they would try and call and she said she would fight back, she thinks they're being a little unfair too.

 

P.S. Thanks! =D

 

 

This concerned me. Is he going to move in with you and your family?

 

If so, I can see how his parents might not be totally cool with you. I mean you're still super young and you're gonna be living with him and your family? I don't know, that's kinda odd to me. Their son deciding to move accross the country to live with a 15 year old and her family? Yeah, I wouldn't want to pay for my son if he wanted to do that. Just because, well he needs to be an adult and if he wants to move in with his girlfriend, whatever age that may be, then he needs to save up and support himself. It's one thing if he's moving accross the country to go to school, then I'd say ok to help him out financially, but to live with his girlfriend who is probably having her mom support her too financially? Living together is like being married.

 

Doesn't really ring well with me, and I can see parents having a problem with it.

 

I don't know ... maybe you can shed some light on this ...

If he does decide to move over here, he will be moving in with me and my family.

Oh and sorry, I should of made this clear! He was going to move over here anyway, before he met me, to study, because the University's where I live are more qualified. He just wasn't sure if he could live on his own, so we offered our support and his parents seem to object to that, they'd rather him stay alone or something.

Oh and his parents decided they weren't cool with me, well before he told them he might move over here.

They just always use the excuse that "I'm too young". I know I'm only 15, but I'm really mature for my age coz I've been through a lot, people mistake me for being 19 even.

It's just upsetting to have your boyfriends parents hate you.

 

 

Thankyou so much for the advice! *hugs all*