It just hurts again and again........

[temujin]

Hi,

 

Probably my previous thread did not give a good indication of what I had tried to do to move on....

 

 

1) I had basically accepted the fact that I will never see the person again.. never ever..

 

2) I wont take her back even if she comes crawling back

 

3) I have done a lot of things to better myself.... swimming 30 laps (1.5km) every 2 days, going to the gym, getting in touch with my family again, getting in touch with old friends, going out having fun, on the verge of finding a job with much better pay and prospects than my last job which means a new career move.

 

But... why does these thoughts keep haunting me? Its always this hurt when they come and i will always start crying in the middle of doing something.

 

It just goes this way

 

"Why must she betray me in this way, why must she tell me all the lies and cheat on me? She was the person I gave all my trust to....."

 

Sometimes i am so tired dealing with these thoughts after so many months that I just wish the whole thing had never happened.....

 

Is there a way to forget faster?..... I am really not shutting myself up at home and I am doing everything I can to better my life.. but everytime these thoughts surface, my day will be utterly rotten...............

[CluelessGuy321]

I don't have much experience, but I've read a lot and thought about such issues. I think you need to distance yourself emotionally from her or just stop thinking about it.

 

Then go out with new people. You will eventually find a nice/sweet caring person and forget about that last chick.

 

Easier said than done though.

[kellbell]

Hi there,

 

You are doing everything right. You getting your life back, doing what makes you happy and getting into contact with old friends.

 

You dated quite awhile and it has not been that long since you two broke up. Plus, the circumstances that brought about the breakup were hurtful as you found out she starting dating somone whom you know a day after you broke up. That stings and it makes you wonder what happened behind the scenes. Betrayl is not an easy emotion to recover from. It can take some time.

 

Go easy on yourself, you are in better shape than you give yourself credit for. As long as there is air in your lungs, you are getting out of bed in the morning, and putting one foot in front of the other is a great thing. Hang in there...you will feel better in time. I promise.

[Bethany]

 

It just goes this way

 

"Why must she betray me in this way, why must she tell me all the lies and cheat on me? She was the person I gave all my trust to....."

 

Sometimes i am so tired dealing with these thoughts after so many months that I just wish the whole thing had never happened.....

 

Is there a way to forget faster?..... I am really not shutting myself up at home and I am doing everything I can to better my life.. but everytime these thoughts surface, my day will be utterly rotten...............

 

What you have to do is think "It doesnt matter anymore why she did this or that. It's over finished and I'm moving on with my life."

 

Don't sit down and dwell on your thoughts, keep working and keep walking despite having them. Accept them, they have become a habit because of your over emotional state which is easy to understand after all you have been through. Don't allow yourself to be overcome by them, chin up, accept them and keep going and before you know it, she will be a distant memory of bad things past.

[temujin]

thanks I guess i got to keep faith that someday it will be better

[thursday]

Hm, that sucks dude!

 

When I was in NC I learned a couple of things from the documentation of an interesting computer program.. I don't know if I'm allowed to post the name of it, if you want to I can PM you the name.

 

Well I did the following whenever a memory of 'us' was in my head:

 

1) Mentally I drawed this picture of us into black/white

(making it seem far away, the past)

 

2) I made the picture unclear by adding a blind effect to it.

(making it ugly)

 

3) I drawed a huge red cross over it

(meaning it's not coming back)

 

4) Mentally kicking this image away

 

 

I don't know if it really helped, but at the moment I was feeling quite better. Actually I now realise if I stayed in NC a little longer I might have been able to not think about her that much as I'm doing right now. Planning to get back to NC and absolutely never coming back to check how she's doing etc..

I won't handle it that fine as I would think..

 

(For more information check my other threads.. I'm writing all this blegh in order to help other people out which might have had similar experiences..)

 

Thanks for reading, hope you will follow my advice as I certainly think it had some very good effect on my happiness levels even during these days you think it can't possible get worse and give up trying to feel better..

Things will work out Good Luck!

[permasmile]

Not bad advice at all. There is a technique called NLP that I imagine you may have read about. Another technique is to disassociate yourself when picturing the memory. This means that you are not picturing the thought in first person, but from a distance.

[temujin]

yeah.. actually i tried doing this for a while... then it got really draining emotionally to fight back the thoughts... my recent postings is due to the fact that i have given up on pushing these thoughts away and just letting it go when I feel bad.........

[blemished]

I'm going through this a little now (except he didn't leave for another person). My ex still wants to retain LC, and has not fully respected my good-bye. I just ignore him and ignore my thoughts about him.

 

When I met him, I had a photo in my wallet of my first love. We (the first love and I) had parted several years before (now 6+ years) and I had kept a photo of us in my wallet to help me get through hard times (because he meant a lot to me). When I met my last ex, I removed the photo of my other ex and put it away. 3 years later, I put it back into my wallet and am under the impression I never met my last ex-- I am back to searching for my first ex's replacement. That little thing helps me. Maybe it will help you-- think back to a time in your life when you lost someone else close to you, and got over that loss and were ready to move on. Go back to that time, and consider yourself still looking for what you did not find. Wipe out the memory of this last mistake.

[ut_longhorn]

temujin,

 

keep doing what you're doing. especially the exercise and hanging out with friends. in the end, its really alot about time. for me it took about 4 1/2 months before the pain became bearable and not so intense, but. all you can do is keep chugging forward. keep pushing yourself to do novel things. in time you will get better. i know it feels like sometimes that it will never go away, but be patient. it will slowly start to lift.

[temujin]

Yeah... i am also trying to convince myself that this may be a blessing in disguise....

 

a little glad that I had finally seen her true colors, how she never really admitted to cheating and lying to me.

 

Yeah i do deserve someone better............