A question for those who fight (or have beaten) depression

[Proactive Paradigm]

Simple enough: how did you win (or if it is ongoing, how do you keep going)? Far be it from me to demand your secret tactics, but I am running low to the ground on options as to what to do anymore.

 

Bearing in mind my brain isn't wired up properly (AS), the drugs I have tried to combat it just don't work, and I have a feeling conventional therapy won't either. But if they did for you, please tell me how.

 

As you can probably guess, being stuck with it forever would not be happy news, but honestly it has been so long now I think it could well be. Is that something worth soldiering on with?

 

So yeah, I humbly beseech you: please help me.

[sir sirloin]

1. Cut all heavily processed food from your diet. This is the stuff with weird colors and has hydrogenated oils or high fructose syrups. If possible cut out caffiene as well.

 

2. Exercise daily. It doesn't matter what you do as long as you do it every day.

 

Just do those and after two weeks you will feel better.

[vesper]

Read, read, read. See people in your life that you admire and that have ever served as a role model for you, make plans to meet them for tea. Listen to what someone tells you and actually do it. Be open to getting better.

[Dako]

I'll give this a try, but it's just my method.

Your inner dialog can be a factor.

Self-critcism, self-improvement, self-anything has a price. You end up focusing inwardly, where you direct everything. Some call depression "anger turned inward." Getting out of yourself for periods of time can help you see the beauty in the world instead of your own misery.

You can't really dwell on your depression all day and make it fade away.

 

I find depression to surge from certain triggers, so I try to avoid them. My bipolar brother is so impaired that he often sends be into a spiral. Looking in the mirror sets me off, so I comb my hair and get out of there. I follow the news, but don't want to see the day's tragedies repeated over and over again. I look for animals all day. Dogs, birds, cats, rabbits and lizards seem optimistic to me. When I feel like a loser, an impostor or a failure, I joke about it. Self-deprecation runs in my family, as does sarcasm. Both are better than tears or hand-wringing.

 

If I discover a new trigger, I file it away and try to sidestep it.

Not every negative stimulus can be avoided, but recognizing them can guide an easier path through them.

[vesper]

I like the fact that Dako gave very specific examples. Let's see. This is what has worked for me , going to therapy and discovering what my 'demons' are has been amazing. Like Dako said, the things that trigger your anxiety and anger. They are usually a reaction to a feeling that you are supressing.

 

One of my things was being afraid to face my past, a huge move from Iran to Austin when I was a young girl at 9 and a lot issues in adjusting to the new culture in terms of language, tradition, education standards for instance wearing uniforms in the tehran and not wearing uniforms in texas and being mixed in with boys where before I was with girls only etc.

 

Having an overly anxious mother, whom now I have discovered is an amazing beautiful goddess. She is so respected by everyone and admired. Being in the wealthy crowd while in Iran, the priveledged, and once in texas just being in the suburban middle class with no more luxurious parties, dresses and heavenly gatherings.

 

Not having a very close relationship with my father because he has started a 'new' family with a new wife and has a young daughter now, my half-sister who is twenty seven years younger than me. These demons generally cause me to get anxious and insecure and by discovering the source of these demons has allowed me to get out and be social and be aware.

 

For example, I made a date to have lunch with my dad last friday, something I have not done in over six months now. Just me and him. I was never comfortable enough to sit in a room with him, look him in the eyes and not be mad at him. After realizing what was causing me to act angry towards him I went to lunch, stayed calm, listened to what he said and it was like we were back to the beginning when everything was innocent and perfect. He took the afternoon off and me and him went to the movies to see the Da Vinci code. I was so open and my insecurities where falling away one by one. Then he invited me to come to San Francisco with him in the first week of August for his class reunion with my other sister. I accepted as before I was always afraid to 'listen' and 'receive' . Then he invited me to a dinner party last night at my uncle's house, someone who I always stayed away from because again of insecurities of my dad's new family and the party was amazing. I felt so welcome and happy and I saw my dad in this amazing light. He was the life of the party, cracking jokes, making everyone feel welcome, asserting that HE is the most powerful man in the company by being confident, kind, aloof, funny, and charming. I never realized how much I loved my dad until last night. He is the 'ideal' man and he is so athletic and amazing. He always invites me to go skiing and I think I will go next time because I am not afraid of him and his new family, I realized that. It is all because I had to overcome my fears, insecurities, and anxieties.

 

Another example, I went and had lunch with my grandmother yesterday and just by being comfortable in my skin and being able to listen she opened up a whole world to me telling me about my young days in Iran and a friend of hers that visited her when she was a young mother and a little depressed and how a conversation from fifty years ago between my grandmother and her was passed on to me again. She helped me as she always does. I was able to look at her directly into her eyes, something I have not been able to do forever.

 

Once you can do this, the world opens up to you and your demons no longer have any power over you.

 

Doing things that you are afraid to do but because you KNOW why they are causing fear in you. I finally had that dinner party for eighteen after cancelling it four months ago while in the depths of my depression. I realize that I am that socialite that I was when I was a kid and am still in control and the world is my oyster again.

 

 

Best,

Bondgirl

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

You join me tonight as I fight on the front line against a Bipolar Mixed State. The temperature is a sticky 45 degrees in the shade, at a guess.

 

The stage has been set for me to make it through the next few hours. It's past 11pm, I had marked out my territory on the ground floor, all other inhabitants of this building have retreated to sleep..lucky B_____s.

 

But I'm here. I've set out my clothes and books for the morning - preparation for each individual day gives a sense of control and clarity, and can be soothing. I'm seated on a swivelling chair, but my feet are planted firmly on the ground, solidly. My breath comes steadily, breathe in and out, you've done it for many nights over several years, there's no reason why it should get Emily in the neck tonight.

 

It's not going to.

 

My external providers of distracting stimuli have been set up. Quietly, an anonymous late-night movie plays in the background. An earphone sits live in my left ear, rhythmically feeding me dose after dose of Cat Stevens - poetic angst combined with talent. Nothing is better. Enotalone is on permanent minimalisation no matter what else I may choose or have to do, skimming through replies every 20 minutes tells me that there is at least still some human goodness left in the world.

 

I can join in on that, I can contribute. Does it matter that I am a sick and desperate individual when I write to people in pain on here? No, it doesn't..and there is such a soothing kind of beauty in that. I can be crying River Niles of tears and I can still be productive, in a way.

 

And in 45 minutes time, I can look at myself squarely in the mirror and praise myself for not hurling myself under traffic for another day. Always go to sleep on praise.

[Dako]

Even though praise isn't your goal, that was beautiful.

[itsallgrand]

Talking, talking and more talking for me. To people and on forums like here, and writing. It's like I have too many silly thoughts in my head, so I have to 'drain' them periodically. Therapy is helping me NOW but it didn't seem to do a bleeping thing before. I get why now: I was looking at the therapist as some magical healer or grownup and myself as the hopeless supplicant begging for help.

Now I walk in there determined to work as a peer. She has skills to teach me, and I think of myself as a student. It's made a huge difference in my progress.

 

I now have hope and a desire to live instead of acting out as though I were preparing to die. Without that; all the techniques and exercise and help in the world does not seem to do anything for me. I need to be connected to that inner drive.

 

So that's what I try to do. Extend myself to something or someone other than myself so I do not get sucked into the whirlpool. I focus on nature (I like to walk and identify plants animals sky formations trails and then later express it by drawing, writing, music, or my clothing even).

I try to open myself; because the demons would rather I close close close.

 

I'm letting myself be whatever I am. If i'm angry, I say "i am angry". If I'm happy, I tell people "i am happy". It' s making a big difference to express it in the moment rather than editing, censoring, trying to work through everything myself.

 

Other things:

Buddhism

Eating food I like now

Paying attention to my body: sometimes its yoga, swimming, walking, bathing, dressing up, sex, .....

 

It's ongoing. My depression is an offshoot of PTS, so I deal a little differently. A lot of what I do is grounding and coping with intrusive thoughts feelings.

 

- - - Sending good vibes - - -

 

There is always hope, even when you can't see it.

[vesper]

 

- - - Sending good vibes - - -

 

 

Very very true!!

 

Best-

Bondgirl!!

[Tigris]

I cope with depression by arranging something to look forward to months in advance, e.g. a holiday, going for a meal with friends, etc.

 

At present when I'm feeling down I think about my future wedding (we don't know when it's going to be yet? It might have to be next year?) to my wonderful fiancee. In my mind I have all the arrangements sorted for our Civil Partnership Ceremony (same sex marriage in England).

 

Try it and see if it works for you?

 

Good luck and take care.

[Proactive Paradigm]

Thanks for the suggestions, some interesting stuff here.

 

There is always hope, even when you can't see it.

 

Pretty much past believing this anymore.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

You don't need such an ambitous thing as Hope.

 

You just need to give yourself a chance to feel it - just keep existing. Thats a goal you can much more easily aspire to. After a while, up the target to Hope.

[Proactive Paradigm]

Alas, 'keep living and good things will happen' has lost it's luster after 25 years. Existence is just an empty pain. But thanks anyway.

[nottoogreen]

Alas, 'keep living and good things will happen' has lost it's luster after 25 years. Existence is just an empty pain. But thanks anyway.

 

Sure, it should be more along the line of: keep living and work on improving your situation.

 

No improvement to purpose.

No action no improvement!

No existence no action.

 

Been there

 

Be proactive...

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Nothing changes if nothing changes. - Someone Wise

 

The point is to change the world. - Karl Marx (a wacko, but admirable in some ways)

[becallamjr]

I concentrate on the happy memories that I have. They have saved my life on more than one occasion. As for moving through life and continuing this existence, I do it for the little moments that make me smile and make me feel happy inside. One other thing, it is an absolutely amazing feeling when you make a positive change in someone else's life.

[itsallgrand]

You don't need such an ambitous thing as Hope.

 

You just need to give yourself a chance to feel it - just keep existing. Thats a goal you can much more easily aspire to. After a while, up the target to Hope.

 

That was very nicely said.

 

The idea is to see at least one window, option, new feeling, something. "hopeless" means no options, no way out, no chance of improvement.

Logically, that is not possible so long as we are taking air into our lungs, because life is constant change.

 

I am starting to see that when we are seriously depressed we begin to act out our own death literally. We act as though we are already dead or dying.

 

Do one thing different that is an expression of life. Even if you need to pretend for a while.

 

.......take care and sending out good energy........