im so so sad

[leeutalkin2me]

I feel really screwed up.

 

In short, last year I got into a relationship with someoen who was engaged and eventually married. we continued on for a while and then she decided she wanted to be with her husband.

 

Ever since then, she has continued telling me that she loves me and wants to be with me but that she cant.

 

Have still kept in touch, emails at work and txts. every few months she seems to really pull on my heart strings, telling me how she feels. tells me things and her actions say the opposite and confuse me.

 

I have just moved into my own place and i promised i would show her my place. i was ready 2 do some and she started saying she would love to go on a date with me and i tell her that its just not possible, i cant do anything until her circumstances change. Again yesterday, organising when she is coming around, she says will i be able to give her a hug etc, which sets me off again to what does she want. She says she cant give me what i want by being lovers, and at the same time says she cant be friends because she still loves me so much.

she married a year ago and its been like this ever since. even tho things ended between us, its always been halfy half with her feelings being passed to me.

 

The majority of our contact is via text messages.

I can never stop thinking about her, even when we have no contact at all, i still have all the memories, and now that i have moved etc im just so so had and lonely.

 

I just feel so lost and want to try everytime i think about her, and her life.

 

I know this is all my own fault i should have known what i was doing, but i was in experienced and when a special person came along, once in 25years. im just sad that she keeps chosing otherwise, but at the same time still loves me, even though I dont see her.

 

I just knew that when i had my own place, my heart strings would be pulled by her. i ask her what she wants from me and she simply doesnt know. i have told her in the past to fix her marriage even tho she tells me theres nothing wrong with it, deep down she must realise there is, when she loves two people.

 

What can i do, i cant stop thinking about her, i dont want anyone else and it destroys me. even 6months after she officially broke off with me.

Im sorry if im not making any sense, just so confused and sad

 

: - (

 

A couple of years ago, i took AD's & had some counselling because of my bad attitude towards myself, i ended these and then this girl came along it was like a reward. i wonder if i need to go back on them to get back on Track

[dazedandconfusedbydestiny]

Speaking from a woman in your shoes. My ex bf who i remained friends with always said he still loved me, we were always there for each other when we needed a shoulder to lean on. But he would never ask either for me to leave my husband, and I myself wouldn't tell him I wanted to either. I wanted him to make the first move.

 

I have to say I have made the first move now, I am just left wondering til we talk if its to late.

[btbt]

I'm sorry to hear that you are going though so much pain. I think you should cut it off with this woman. She's having her cake and eating it too. Read the other posts on dating married people -- the married person hardly ever gives up the marriage for another relationship. And, if she's being unfaithful in her marriage, I would say that is a serious character flaw that does not bode well for her relationships with anyone.

[leeutalkin2me]

I have asked her to leave him.

 

but she says its too soon for us. obviously, a leap of faith is required if we are ever to be together. she says she would love that, but that its too complicated as it would mean she would have to change everything in her life. probably her friends and family, justify why etc.

 

To top it off she has recently bought a big new expensive house with him. something i couldnt get my head around when she felt like this for me, but suppose how could she say no to her husband.

 

and i cant provide what he does.

[leeutalkin2me]

But even though I leave her alone, i still feel it all inside, nothing changes for me if i see her or not. I dont want to lose her as a friend either but as she says she loves me, she cant b a friend yet, 6 months on.

[dazedandconfusedbydestiny]

As i told another friend just recently. Destiny fate or what ever is going on only can lead us so far. It is up to us to chose to follow the path that is put before us or to follow a different path that we chose.

 

It is obvious shes not happy in her marriage, and more then likely has realized the mistake she has made. Buying a house doesn't mean shes happy. Money can't buy happiness nor love.

[Batya33]

It sounds like you are playing the victim - you choose to stay in contact with her, you choose to have your heart strings pulled - you can choose not to do these things. I am certain that even if she chose to be with you she would find someone to be with on the side as well.

[Relationship Coach]

I think the two of you need end all contact until her marital status has changed. If she is in love with you, why did she marry him? Reverse the roles, how would you feel if you were him? Do you feel that your contact with her is in a way cheating? Before you answer that ask yourself this, does her husband know of everything that the two of you have discussed? That answer would be a resounding NO! Respect the marriage even if she doesn't, you have to be the bigger and better person here. Unless she was forced to marry this guy at gun point, there is a reason she married him and chose him over you. She needs to commit herself to her marriage or get out of it. There is no middle ground here.

 

RC

[leeutalkin2me]

i have told her that she has to commit and work out woteva it is that is wrong with her marriage. but month or so later, she contacts me and tells me she misses me and loves me still

[sidehop]

Obviously this woman has issues. Why do you want to be with someone that cannot even stay true to her husband & be talking to another man? Let's say you two get married. Even if you two are happy, the same scenario should run in your head. Who knows what may happen few months down the road? She can really miss her husband or find another guy who she feels the same way about you.

 

Reminds me of a friend I've had a crush on for the longest time...then she got married. She was the type of person that could not make up her mind in any situation. Now I know it just wasn't meant to be.

 

And I hope you realize that as well. If she truly cares about you and love you she would've made the move already no matter what the circumstance is. She just can't give you the 110% that you're expecting. Why would you want to settle for something less?

[Momene]

You should have got the message when she went ahead with the wedding. I bet there's loads of girls for you who don't have these complications, if only you could see them.