Tired of being the loser...Need help on attraction

[office_space]

Hi, long time reader first time poster.

 

Along with many people in this forum I have a problem attracting others because I am too nice to them. I am currently talking with someone and as soon I do something rude they seem to be more interested in me! I can't stand this because being rude is not my nature. I care about people I have feelings for.

 

Here is another example to prove my point. My ex walked all over me and finally dumped me. I was devistated. I tried to get her back, tell her how much she meant to me, etc... but she went and dated someone else. One day I snapped and cut contact and stopped answering her IM and basically everything I did (or didnt do, ie no contact) was telling her to screw off. Next thing you know she trying to get me back and even apologizing for how stupid she was.

 

I am looking for some advice for people that have been through this. I really like this girl I am talking to but I have no idea how to higher her interests! I actually think I need to learn to act less like a caring interested guy and start acting more like a "I don't care about you" jerk in order to be successful in my relationships.

[Skippy]

erhhh..

put simply when you snapped you showed that you have a stronger personality. It is attractive to women that men have strong personality and know where the line is drawn and stand by it. It isnt about being rude, nor being a jerk. It is about knowing where the line is drawn to YOU and not letting people cross it and standing up for where that line is. IT is just natural that people respect others that can stand up to their principles.

If you are 'nice' and i use the term with inverted comma's, and you let people walk all over you principles and not stand up for it, how do you expect ppl to respect you even less a girl?

 

You can but nice and still stand for you principles. Now i will say, that is attractive to men and women.

[btbt]

Yes, you can be a nice guy without being a pushover. I think it's about pacing your emotion and drawing people slowly to you. You can show interest but hold back a little and see how things develop.

[Dating Coach]

office space, you do not have to be rude to get self respect. You simply must learn to stand up for yourself and show that you have too much self respect to tolerate someone walking all over you. I suggest that you read the link in my signiture. It could help point some things out to you.

[blueangel]

LOL. Why do you care? Just live your life. If you want them to go away, find a nice way to say it if you can't bring yourself to continue not saying it. I think you are frustrated with yourself right now more than other people. You need some understanding right now and this is the last straw to make you feel blame towards your situation. at least people like you. I know some who don't like me. They don't know me and that makes it worse. Do you think there's a person under there you think they actually wont like once they saw your thoughts? That could very well be the real issue. You want to push them away. It's more than to do with just "everyone else!" Or at least that's what it's seeming to me.