I feel like no one really cares about what is going on in my life.

[Sentinel]

I didn't really know how to phrase that... I guess what I am really getting at is that, if I don't "extend" what is going on with me personally to others, (friends, family, etc.) it seems no one cares about what is happening in my life.

 

It's like they don't really care, but ask more to be polite. Like my family for instance, I can go for days or weeks, and they won't call or visit me (actually they NEVER visit me, except for the exception of my brother who pops in from time to time for a few minutes, to tell me something about something that needs to be done). Keep in mind my mom lives 5 minutes up the road, and my brother and his family live a 1/4 mile up from her. I always end up being the visitor, and I know it is appreciated, but it never feels equally reciprocated. It would be nice to feel as if someone feels that I am important enough to go visit.

 

My other brother lives with his wife in Florida, and my father died three years ago. All the rest of my family for the most part is decesed - I was born very late, and as such most all of my aunts and uncles were elderly when I was young. I have few people my age to relate to, and I live in a fairly rural economically depressed area now.

 

I am almost 33, I live alone and have a couple of friends I grew up with. I moved back home after living away for 15 years, and had two failed marriages. I loved living out west and hope to move back some day.

 

I am not one to feel sorry for myself and am actually quite independent, but why does it seem that if I don't boast about my life...no one asks. It is as if I am just tolerated, and not cared about in a real way. I try not to let it get me down but it is hard when it feels as if I don't really matter to anyone. I am an adult, maybe I am asking to much of people. Maybe I have an ideal I want, but it is just not reality, and never will be?

 

I am not out looking for a romantic relationship by choice, as I am not settling again for something that is less than genuine true love. That is the most important thing to me. I date occasionally, but it seems that they all want to have a "commitment" right away. So, I am turned off to that for the time being. What happened to dating for dating's sake? Just to go out and have a nice time with some one...but I digress.

 

I was fired from my job, about two months ago because I basically ended up being over-qualified, and had trouble "stifiling" my abilities. It was in healthcare so I understand they had scope-of practice issues, but they knew my qualifications beforehand...????

 

I am looking at a few different options but lately I just don't care much anymore, as I am content to just let my life pass me by, since my contributions thus far seem to have had no real meaning, far as I can tell. Yes, I have hobbies and a wide variety of interests, but it seems like it is just all about me and no one to share them with...it all just seems so shallow and pointless. I am a decent and honest person just trying to do the right things in life, but it seems like I get no satisfaction anymore.

 

I was very clinically depressed several years ago, and was suicidal. I couldn't figure out why, until I realized I had a biological depression, took meds for about two years and have been well ever since. I think I may be depressed now...but I think it is a "normal" depression as we all go through rough spots in our lives. Back then though, I felt hopeless for no reason, and this feels much, much different.

 

I suppose there is more but I don't wish to burden you more just yet...I'd like some feedback or insight first.

 

Thank you for listening and taking your time to read this, and putting some effort and caring into a stranger's life.

[Tigris]

I know exactly how you feel and I'm the eldest of 3 girls!

 

My parents have treated me like that all my life. My 2 sisters have children and if I ever want to see them I have to go and visit. It wasn't too bad before because I was married and had the car most of the time whilst my husband worked away. Since I have been divorced recently I don't have the car full time, although my ex still allows me to have it sometimes when he's working away. (We have an arrangement because I'm still looking after a lot of our debt problems so at present it seems to work.)

 

I think my family treat me as the 'Black Sheep' even though I'd never done anything drastically wrong throughout my life. Put it like this it doesn't seem to matter if I do anything good I've never had the proper recognition for it. However, if I do something bad in their eyes, e.g. have been divorced twice, plus have recently announced I've been a lesbian in denial for 30 years and am now engaged to a wonderful woman who lives in Australia all hell breaks loose!

 

I don't think I'm supposed to have a life of my own? They say they want me to be happy but always 'have a go at me'. I give up with them and keep out the way most of the time so I can have a quiet and fairly peaceful life.

[Dako]

Some of your post rings a bell.

I take care of my mother's affairs, and am the estate executor. When she's gone, I doubt I'll have contact with my two siblings or family except the rare call from my niece. Since I have no children, I've always been the flake and not treated like an adult. Any contact from my siblings involves their problems, or a concern about their future inheritance.

Not having family connections doesn't bother me, and I intend to live alone for the duration. Depression heightens the lonliness, but without my friends, I'd be circling the drain.

 

Sorry you're having a hard time connecting with people. I think depression makes us crave interaction while simultaneously making us withdraw for safety. I've made some strides by pretending I'm sociable. So far, it's working.

[Beyondthesea]

I always have to initiate contact with my siblings, parents and friends. No one seems to take as much interest in me as I do with them.

 

Sometimes I think I am choosing the wrong friends.

[Sentinel]

Thank you all for your replies. It is a little comfort to know "I am not alone".

 

So, what makes us different, the outsider, the black sheep, the forgotten ones? I could see if we had done horriable things to our families, but that doesn't seem to be the case here. Rather, we are "persecuted" or shut out, for simply being ourselves. As Dako posted, we pretend to be sociable, or at least somewhat charming... some of us even dare to be witty! I have been in occasions where I made a witty comeback that was actually pretty funny and no one in the group noticed or ignored it, and a few seconds later one of the more noticed people made a simliar joke and received much laughter and was integrated further into the group. Meanwhile, I slipped away unnoticed and without further thought by the other people there. What is that phenomonon? It is a rare occasion that I truly feel wanted or "needed" in a group, most times I feel like if I was not there, it would not matter.

 

Do we have "bad vibes", or are we really meant for some better purpose other than the life we find so unfulfilling now. Are we not living our destinies, and thereforeeee living without really knowing the true purpose of our lives. Maybe we are meant for professions and lifestyles that are far removed from our families and the normal shallow social routines. The hardest and most daunting task then, must be finding the path to that destiny.

 

How I yearn for someone to come over for coffee, or have a beer and play cards, just to want my companionship...to sit and ask, how is your life, what is going on, are you ok?, without worrying about maybe going out to the bar later. It being that visiting with their friend was enough.

 

I just watched "Beyond Borders", after much insistinece from my neice, and was amazed at the passion and ambition with which Angelina Jolie's character has for caring about the poor of the world, and then even more emotionally powerful was her love for the Doctor, in the end sacrificing all to save his life. I know that love like that must exist out there, but what I don't know is, if it is ever meant for me. And that is why I must harden my heart and carry on but, some days, like today, I do not feel it is worth it...

 

Suicide seems like such a waste, but at times it seems like no one cares until it's done. That's when people notice you, and notice that they should have done more to love you when you were right there all along waiting for them to show they cared. Ironic, isn't it?

 

I do not wish to take my own life, but I can really empathize with the motivation behind it. Some say it's the cowards way out, but maybe it is just a way for some to end the loneliness, and that can feel much worse than simply being called a coward when you are already dead.

 

Sorry to get so morbid, but I just feel sh!tty right now, ugghh!

[Tigris]

I can go without hearing from my 2 sisters for months and then suddenly one of them phones me and says, 'We realised we hadn't heard from you for a while so I thought I'd better ring you to see if you were still alive!'

 

My Mother used to do something similar when she was alive. She'd say, 'You haven't been over lately or phoned?' I'd say, 'If something had happened to me you'd have found out soon enough.'

 

I suppose I don't keep in touch for a few reasons. I've always been a loner whilst growing up. I don't mind being 'in my own company' sometimes I prefer it when everybodys arguing or my neices and nephews are making too much noise. I've always preferred a quiet/peaceful life. I think that's because my parents argued a lot when I was little (before my sisters were born) and I just couldn't cope.

[Dako]

I tend to believe to some degree that you can choose your family, but you can't choose your friends.

I have family members I avoid, and good friends who've appeared to me by chance.

[sir sirloin]

It is a bit hard to accept but there is a hard truth in your post. It isn't your family specificly.

 

People don't care about each other. The problem is that we are hardwired to seek the attention and approval of others of our species. That is why there are so many professions where an "attention service providor" is paid to pretend to care about their clients. Therapist, masseuse, personal trainer and * * * * * are good examples.

 

It feels good when someone is interested in us, it validates that we have value and have something to offer. People who aren't as attractive or socially successful(I wouldn't lose any bets if I claimed most of the people posting on this board fall into that category) have trouble finding others who will listen or pretend convincingly to care about them.

 

Not getting that validation manifests itself differently in differnt people but the end result is the same. We become frustrated and isolate ourselves further by being "who we are" because who we are isn't something that makes people want to get closer to us. Rather it serves to drive people away.

 

edit: the filter appeared to remove the proper spelling of ho' - is there a list of naughty words I'm not supposed to use somewhere so I can know what I am and am not allowed to say?

[renaissancewoman101]

Sir Sirloin, you have a rather negative view about the human species. I tend to think that we as humans are a self-centered lot, but that our "human" -istic ways and behaviors have raised us from that animalistic sense where we now do have some sense of compassion and understandin for others of our species.

[sir sirloin]

Sir Sirloin, you have a rather negative view about the human species. I tend to think that we as humans are a self-centered lot, but that our "human" -istic ways and behaviors have raised us from that animalistic sense where we now do have some sense of compassion and understandin for others of our species.

To that I respond with a George Bernard Shaw quote power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.[/i]

[The Evil Stig]

I understand where you're coming from. I am pretty close with my family, but everyone does seem to ignore me. I never wanted that much attention, but I get squat for all my accomplishments. I do any little thing wrong and people are all whining at me. But I do awesome stuff and I get crickets! Its not very encouraging to try when no one cares. And when the standards are set that if you don't do it right you get yelled at, why should I try if I don't think I can do 100%?

 

I swear I just do worse to get attention it seems. That's really unhealthy. But when I get close to all A's and its like "Hey you can get a 4.0 next semester" it is a real bummer. Or I help my dad rebuild a car from the bottom up, doing nearly everything myself, quite an accomplishment, and not only does no one seem to care, but he sells the thing a few months later! To 'save money' by loosing money selling it and buying a car 6 times as much as he just got back. What an insult.

[eyeswideopen]

I was thinking about this recently and came to the conclusion... noone will ever care as much about you as you do yourself. I don't think this is a negative thing. That's really what you're supposed to be doing isn't it? Taking care of yourself first and foremost? Body is a temple.. yari yara yara..

 

There are many people who are wrapped up in their own world, problems, emotions, thoughts, actions, job, family, etc. it can just be hard to notice everyone..