Is this cheating? Girl/Girl situation.

[coma]

Does she understand your point of view on this at all or is she just expecting you to accept hers?

 

Did she spend the night in jail and has she been charged with anything?

 

She says it was a mistake, but is completely downplaying the situation. But, to her credit, she did say she would respect those boundries. Of course, she has said that before...

 

And yes, she was charged with domestic violence, due to witnesses and the fact that she flipped out on the cops. However, I believe the charges will also be dropped on her because I told the police she didn't do anything (although she did). I'm just not one to go that route.

[coma]

hi there...

 

 

Thanks for that info, it is helpful to hear from the "other side"

[yeawutever]

If you're planning to work it out, I highly suggest both you and her get tested for STD's ASAP (as soon as possible). I get the feeling that something else happen other than "Just a friendly bath", I'm thinking it was already full blown affair and you arrived when they were gonna finish it or while they were in the process.

[DN]

What's your 'bottom line' here? What would she have to do to make you want to stay in the relationship?

[coma]

What's your 'bottom line' here? What would she have to do to make you want to stay in the relationship?

 

Good questions. I think now it is boiling down to whether or not I can get over some of the things that have happened. If not, it will be bad for both of us - I'll always have the trust issues and she'll have to deal with me brining up old fights...

 

I'm just really trying to think things out.

[yeawutever]

Yes, indeed but you can't keep throwing it in her face for so long, some time you're gonna have to let it go.

[DN]

You need to decide what you want from her. That would include respect, fidelity, non-violence etc. Then she needs to decide if she can give you what you need. She should tell you what she needs from you also.

 

On that list should be:

• Must have
  
• Should have
  
• Could have

if you can give each other what you 'must have', most of the 'should have' and can negotiate the 'could have', then you might have a shot at saving the relationship - assuming you love each other enough.

[coma]

You need to decide what you want from her. That would include respect, fidelity, non-violence etc. Then she needs to decide if she can give you what you need. She should tell you what she needs from you also.

 

On that list should be

[*]Must have

[*]Should have

[*]Could have

if you can give each other what you 'must have', most of the 'should have' and can negotiate the 'could have', then you might have a shot at saving the relationship - assuming you love each other enough.

 

Hey, that's not a bad idea. If we decided to work things out, I just might steal that from you.

 

Overall, she's great. But a few extreme situations like this have a way of overshadowing even really long periods of greatness...

[yeawutever]

Just a few extremes, definitely is not consider few when someone cheats, it's called "disrespect and completely crossing all establish boundaries". As for the list, you can make the it by the "Why?, What?, Who?, When?, etc. all other questions needed to be answered. Based on the answers she gives you, then you can decide on it.

[Hannibal]

This girl is doing the same crap to you that my ex did.

 

"its not cheating because there are no feelings involved" is what she said.

 

I told her to stick that where the sun didn't shine because its a load of crap.

 

If she can take a bath with another girl, well then why can't you aswell? I promise if you tried to do this she would freak out and you'd be the cheater.

 

In my books, cheating is anything that you do that you know your partner wouldn't be comfortable with you doing. I'm sure that you're not comfortable with you girl taking baths with another girl and I would call this cheating!

 

Seriously think of what would happen if you tried to do what she does. Do you think she would be perfectly ok with it? I highly doubt it.

 

However she's getting away with it because its with another girl and they were "just being 'girly' and 'acting like little kids'"

 

I would be extremely angry if I were you.

[flower99]

darling, you can't "get over' things that have happened, when it's still happening.

how long ago did all of this occure? police involved? violence? Do you really think she can just change?Cause from what I'm reading this has been a problem for awhile & this isnt' the first time she has told you she would respect your bouderies and hasn't

Sweetie these are warnings signs. WELCOME TO YOUR FUTURE. You don't want to spend the rest of your life like this. Your hurt & she's lieing & down playing things. She's not going to change. 9years together-why havn't you married her? maybe part of you knows it's not right.

[flower99]

Thanks for that info, it is helpful to hear from the "other side"

 

You're welcome.

sorry for your troubles, wish you happiness & wisdom (you need it now!)

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

OHHHH right..

 

She is cheating. If she is bi, she should treat her girl friends as she would her boy friends, and any intimate nudity (and how much more intimate than a candle lit bath can you get?!?) is cheating. And I bet she already knows after 9 years that you don't like it so she is disrespecting you as well...I'd think about getting rid of her, personally.

[lovecrazy]

Stay away from this girl.

 

It is still cheating...She has done more than she is telling you....I would just let her go....She is disrespecting you. That would be like you taking a bath with a girl and trying to say that nothing happened. Im sorry but I dont want anyone besides me or a Dr seeing my boyfriend naked