How do YOU cope with loneliness?

[corvidae]

Oh well, I gave my advice and I stick by it. I never chose to be alone, it chose me. We learn to deal with the hand we've been given or, and yes opiate I agree with you, we perish. My advice was a rally to stand against the notion that the death of hope needs to be the death of ourselves, that our happiness can be bound to other things. Nature dictates we should pair-bond, perhaps, but nature dictates a lot of things, through reason we separate ourselves and become free. I am not fortune teller, so I cannot predict whether or not any one here will or will not find happiness through a relationship. What I will say is that the scenario that you will never find any one does exist potentially. It exists with a non-zero probability, it is there already, not certain but not impossible, and we must thereforeeee exercise our power of choice and strive for happiness in other areas. I am alone, yes. I am 27 and have never had a relationship, yes. But I have my gifts, and I have my will, and I can be happy, and I think you can too. If you are so truly unhappy now, perhaps there are other aspects of your life you must first examine. Perhaps you must be first content and happy within yourself before you will have the relationship that desire.

[Kevin T]

Bah. "The death of hope doesn't need to be the death of ourselves." Take away hope and man has no reason to live.

 

I'm not advocating suicide - and who could ever know for sure that they'd be confined to singlehood for the rest of their life anyway? - but if one truly has no hope then what have they got to look forward to? Embracing such an ideal would truly be worse than death.

 

But the good news is that no one has to resign themselves to such a miserable fate as being alone for the rest of their life. I'm beginning to see now more than ever that one can choose what ever their state is in life, be it single or not. Life is made up of choices and depending on what we base our decisions on is how our life will turn out. It's simple cause and effect, really.

 

I like what you said about how we need to choose to be happy, corvidae. That is most definitely sound advice. But is it really true that you didn't choose to be alone? Did it really choose you? I had to ask myself the same question, actually. Thinking back on my own life, I can see that a lot of the decisions and choices I made, brought me to where I am today, whether it be good or bad. Seeing your situation as being beyond your control takes away any chance of changing it firsthand.

 

So, I choose to take the locus of control for my life back for myself.

[corvidae]

My thoughts on the matter are that we actually choose very little of what happens to us. There are hundreds, thousands, perhaps millions of little factors that affect the moments in our lives, and our conscious choices (which are in themselves products of our personalities derived from our experiences, many of them unchosen) are merely one factor. There are times I've thought I made the right decision and it's worked out terribly, there are times I thought I was making a mistake and things have turned out better than I could have imagined. Could I have made a different decision in the past and then not been 'alone'? In all likelihood yes, but I wouldn't have know that at the time.

[Kevin T]

Okay, but if you see the situation as being always out of your hand, than how do you expect things to ever get any better?

 

Chance, luck and fate are unreliable factors that you can't count on. The only one you can count on in the end to make things the way you want is yourself. This, I've learned, is fundamentally key to turning things around. (And coming from whiny ol' me, this should say A LOT!)

 

[Edited for grammatical purposes]

[corvidae]

Well, control the controlables, then accept there are a lot of things you can't control, and don't beat yourself up when you don't have the life you imagined in your head. It's like sales. You can't control whether or not your client's dog has just died and they are not in the least bit interested in buying encyclopaedias, but you CAN control your speech patterns, your greeting, your sales pitch. What will happen? You don't know, but recognise what you can and cannot control, that way if you fail you won't blame yourself and be miserable.

[Kevin T]

So it's basically a self-defense mechanism then.

[corvidae]

It's recognition that you don't have to, indeed shouldn't, bear all of the blame if things don't work out the way you want them to.

[Penny1041]

Loneliness, for me anyway, came when I realized I had no one in my life to share it with. Depression came afterwards, not before.

 

 

Kevin,

I really understand how you feel. I was not depressed until the loneliness came. I feel your pain and I hope things get better for you and the rest of us in this same boat.

I have never been without a boyfriend , ok.. well since I was 15 years old. I miss knowing that person is just a phone call away or even better, just on the other side of the bed.

Here in Arizona, its too hot to just hop in your car and go out. I wont go out unless its night time or early morning.

I like the idea that someone said about joining a church group. I just may do that. I am not a drinker and clubbing is just not for me these days.

Heres my main problem...

 

When Im lonely, I get deperessed, when I'm de[ressed I tend to isolate myself. Subconsciously I figure I cant be a whole lot of fun to talk to.. right?

Anyway, I am tired of being of alone and not having someone to lean on when I need help. or just someone to listen.

Ohh and Kevin, if you want, you can PM me if you want a friend.

 

 

Penny

[brando]

Loneliness and aloneness are two different things. You want to become confortable with being alone, loneliness is something one will never grow comfortable with.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

• How do you cure Polio: Polio vaccine, not peanut butter.

 

• How do you cure lonliness: Find someone. Everything else is peanut butter.

[corvidae]

I'm not keen on your analogy. Your reaction to polio is a physical one, and uncontrollable. How you 'react' to lonliness in heavily influenced by your outlook on life. Which is why you and I allow lonliness to affect our lives differently.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

You think that was confusing. You might have to grab an ice pack after reading this.

 

What I am saying is that the only thing that will get rid of Polio is the vaccine. You can try aspirin (money) or some other type of drug (career, achieving goals, a hobby) but nothing will work because the vaccine is the only thing that will cure Polio.

 

The only thing that will get rid of lonliness is finding someone. Nothing else works. Some may be temporary solutions, but the more lonely you are, the more temporary those solutions are. Hobbies and finding yourself may be a temporary solution for some, but soon that loneliness will creep back quicker than a hiccup and you're back to square one.

 

If there is no Polio vaccine, you'll die. Can't control it. So, if we can't control the fact that we won't find someone, it kills a part of us. A HUGE part of us. And for the other parts of us that are alive, there is very little, if any satisfaction in life. All the money in the world means nothing if you can't share it with someone you love.

 

I answered a question in another thread about what I would want to do if I knew I wouldn't fail, and I said run an animation empire. If I created an animated movie that slayed Pirates of the Caribbean (how the hell is that making money!!!?) and Titanic all the way to a 1 billion dollar gross, I would feel very proud of myself with an enormous sense of accomplishment, mixed in with a horrific wave of depression because that special someone is not here with me to share in the excitement.

 

Not everyone feels that way, but those who are sick and tired of being lonely it plagues us daily. And for the record, I love peanut butter.

[corvidae]

I didn't find it confusing, I just don't like your analogy. You can't control your physical reaction to polio, but you can control your reaction to not having a girlfriend. Which is my advice. Don't dwell. Find happiness in other things. It is possible. I, and many others, are living proof.

[wlfpack81]

Deleted by user

[Braphins]

you keep busy my friend. Hobbies, which I'm sure you must have. Also, stay in touch with your very best friends, male and female. they are there for you as you must know. Don't allow yourself to brood!!

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Unfortunately for some, hobbies and keeping busy just doesn't work, especially when you're older and have never experience something you want so dearly.

[Someguy11]

I'm sure people will say I need therapy, but whatever...they don't know me.

 

lately i deal with loneliness by finding attractive women who like to speed on the highway. I blow by them, then slow down...if they start playing tag with me, like blowing by me then dropping down to let me find them, I've made a connection. I've had these games last over an hour and reach speeds of 140mph(that's usually with motorcycle vixens, and I have a heavly moddified honda civic that can handle high-speeds with superb control). Usually when all is said and done, both parties are exchanging many glances with wicked smiles on their faces. I always break off though and disappear, especially if traffic is dangerously heavy. When doing this I have no thoughts of loneliness or the way my ex-fiance coldly shredded my heart. It does make me really horny though.

 

edit: one more thing, though the enotalone forums were awesome during the first days of heart-break, when it hurt so bad that it felt like i had been physically kicked in the stomach, after the on-set of "healing" though, this place only served to bring me back to that heart-ache and serve as a reminder of what was lost.

[corvidae]

I have no idea how you get around the whole sex thing. I myself simply never have sex. And live with it. No-one said life was easy, butI make the best of it, and I dare say I am as happy as anyone else.

[Kevin T]

I've thought of a new way to combat loneliness:

 

Has anyone ever thought of becoming a hermit? You know, living in a cabin in the woods or on some far-away mountain or something?

 

I could live on my own and be content, it's when I see others (be they pretty girls or other couples) that I become depressed.

 

What do you think? lol

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

It's not about sex for me now. It's about female companionship. enjoying each other's company and all that stuff. Sex comes later. I'm not saying I don't think about it, but it's not the first thing on my mind, nor does it dominate my lonliness thinking. I just want a freakin' relationship, is dat so wong?

[Someguy11]

It's not about sex for me now. It's about female companionship. enjoying each other's company and all that stuff. Sex comes later. I'm not saying I don't think about it, but it's not the first thing on my mind, nor does it dominate my lonliness thinking. I just want a freakin' relationship, is dat so wong?

 

Nothing wrong with that at all. I rank love and companionship above sex myself. Ideally, a healthy combo of both. Sometimes holding their hand or locking in a warm embrace can be just as emotionally satisfying as sex. I don't know how these one night stand guys do it. I never could.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Nothing wrong with that at all. I rank love and companionship above sex myself. Ideally, a healthy combo of both. Sometimes holding their hand or locking in a warm embrace can be just as emotionally satisfying as sex. I don't know how these one night stand guys do it. I never could.

Ten years ago maybe, now.. no. Too many new diseases popping up and you never know what your mystery partner has. Even a kiss can be dangerous. Besides, I want emotional bonding. What a wuss.

[Kevin T]

Hardly makes you a "wuss." Don't be so hard on yourself for just wanting what is common to all mankind (except for sociopaths, of course lol).

[RufusDawes]

get some medication.

I don't know about US... but when i left school i was pretty lonely. Seriously take up a sport.. a good sport like footy or cricket.. whatever u play in the US. Running can be a cure for moderate depression... either that or just masturbate heaps.

[Kevin T]

Kind of old, but it reiterates my point well, I think:

 

link removed

 

For all those people who say you don't need anyone but yourself, science says otherwise...