girls calling guys

[SeaBisquit]

hi, i met this guy a week ago. i really like him alot and we exchanged phone numbers. i called him two days after we met to invite him over for dinner. he already had plans and couldn't make it and he told me he would give me a call later. he called me a few days after a told me that he would give me a call in the middle of the week and we would go from there. i never heard from him since. so i'm wondering if i should call him or not? would i look to desperate if i call him? and guys what do you really think about girls calling you?

[redhook]

I personally would like it. After this though I wouldn't call him again.

[Gunther]

Girls calling guys is fine, if it's two days after he was supposed to call you, then call him. I'd be thrilled if a girl called me...then again I don't know any girls.

[Batya33]

I think in general with some exceptions men are very flattered when a woman calls them and asks them out. Also in general, with some exceptions, men do not see women who call them and do most of the pursuing/asking out in the beginning as long term relationship material. Generally, what I suggest is that if you see this with any serious potential, leave the ball in his court completely - no calls, emails or texts unless you are responding to his contact. My guess - sorry - is that he is not that interested otherwise he would have made sure to pin down a specific day and time when you could meet.

[novaseeker]

Also in general, with some exceptions, men do not see women who call them and do most of the pursuing/asking out in the beginning as long term relationship material.

 

Why do you think that, out of curiosity?

[MP Meridien]

Don't call him. If he was into you, he'd have called you already. If he is at all into you and hasn't called, you are opening yourself up to a whole relationship based on a very flighty guy. Unless you're prepared to always be the initatior, I say find someone else. Calling a guy, like you did, to invite him out for drinks is a good idea, but if he were that into you, you'd already have plans to see him again.

[Iceman26]

Don't call him. If he was into you, he'd have called you already. If he is at all into you and hasn't called, you are opening yourself up to a whole relationship based on a very flighty guy. Unless you're prepared to always be the initatior, I say find someone else. Calling a guy, like you did, to invite him out for drinks is a good idea, but if he were that into you, you'd already have plans to see him again.

 

I agree with MP. If he was really into you he would have called by now.

[btbt]

Yeah, the ball is in his court. If he doesn't call, well, he's missed out on a down to earth, straightforward woman!

[luxe_13]

Hmm well people ar ealways telling me to leave it up to the guy to call all the time. But you know what? If it weren't for me calling or doing any persuing, I reckon I would still have never had a boyfriend. I have had 2 long term relationships and both started because I made the call. I think alot of the time guys need obvious signs that you're keen. It does all depend on the guy though.

I'd call again and if he doesn't respond - then his loss.

I think i f a guy likes you, they would want to hear from you.

[Batya33]

Also in general, with some exceptions, men do not see women who call them and do most of the pursuing/asking out in the beginning as long term relationship material.

 

I think that because based on my substantial dating experience and hearing about many others' dating experiences I have never heard of a happy healthy long term relationship or marriage where the woman did most of the pursuing in the beginning of the relationship - most of the calling, planning, asking out, initiating contact, etc. I have also heard many guys say - or admit at times - that while they are flattered by being asked out, they have never had a serious long term relationship with any of those women.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Also in general, with some exceptions, men do not see women who call them and do most of the pursuing/asking out in the beginning as long term relationship material.

 

I think that because based on my substantial dating experience and hearing about many others' dating experiences I have never heard of a happy healthy long term relationship or marriage where the woman did most of the pursuing in the beginning of the relationship - most of the calling, planning, asking out, initiating contact, etc. I have also heard many guys say - or admit at times - that while they are flattered by being asked out, they have never had a serious long term relationship with any of those women.

 

Good god. I never thought I'd see it. This is one of the most realistic, true and helpful to the OP posts (two posts) I've seen on this site yet. Thank you for being real (although idealism is awfully pretty)....Thank you!!

 

PS. I'll click the helpful post button on your post for you!

[Batya33]

You're welcome. I should add that I don't necesarily think it's "fair" and maybe someday it won't matter who does the pursuing with respect to the success/health of the relationship but I have no interest in "daring to be different" and to be honest, I kind of like the balance of pursuit the way it is - not because I get to be passive but because I can tell with the men I know (not just the ones I date) that while they might complain or feel frustrated at having to be the pursuers it makes "sense" to them and feels right. For the record, I don't go for "macho" guys - and I also don't go for the passive types either - and I don't buy the "but he's very shy" excuse.

 

I have been asked out by very shy men because when they are interested and emotionally available, they will find a way to ask you out. If the man is so painfully shy he cannot do this then he probably isn't emotionally available for a relationship, particularly with a well adjusted person. With exceptions of course. I do think it's up to the woman to be approachable and friendly, of course.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Yep, I agree with all of that.

[HeckaBekah]

Didn't she say she met him a week ago?

 

Try not to jump to conclusions since it has only been a week, but also do not have any expectations either. You'll realize that it is when you let things go that life actually happens. I suggest that you do not call him anymore and I also suggest not thinking about him...you'll be surprised what can happen to you when you open up and just let go of all these thoughts...

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Didn't she say she met him a week ago?

 

Try not to jump to conclusions since it has only been a week, but also do not have any expectations either. You'll realize that it is when you let things go that life actually happens. I suggest that you do not call him anymore and I also suggest not thinking about him...you'll be surprised what can happen to you when you open up and just let go of all these thoughts...

 

No, I believe he told her he would call her the middle of last week, and it is now the beginning of the following week. One more reason not to call him. As others have said, if he wants to call her (and follow through on what he said he would do...) then he will.

[Rainz]

Also in general, with some exceptions, men do not see women who call them and do most of the pursuing/asking out in the beginning as long term relationship material.

 

I think that because based on my substantial dating experience and hearing about many others' dating experiences I have never heard of a happy healthy long term relationship or marriage where the woman did most of the pursuing in the beginning of the relationship - most of the calling, planning, asking out, initiating contact, etc. I have also heard many guys say - or admit at times - that while they are flattered by being asked out, they have never had a serious long term relationship with any of those women.

 

I was going to say the same thing.

 

In my experiences with talking to men that I've dated, men that are close friends they are flattered when a woman makes the move.

 

Just like you say with the relationshiops you have had, and seen develop fruitfully and healthily, and which have lasted, it's been where the man has been the pursuer.

 

I have to say though a close friend of mine is often the initiator when she meets guys, though he was a friend on a platonic level before they got together. After her last break up she emailed him to say hi, and they met up and got together, 6 weeks after that they fell pregnant and it was planned and they have been together ever since. This was 2 years ago now.

So who knows?

 

I just think that at least when the man pursues you at least you know he chose you, if you're the one pursuing him you just don't know if he responds out of feeling flattered or feeling like she's there so why not? I've heard guys talk in that way before.

 

Another friend of mine who often did the pursuing would always tell me how insecure it made her feel.

 

Each to their own though.

[Batya33]

Hmmm. I said the man should do most of the pursuing in the beginning. Not so you know he chose you - doesn't he deserve to know you chose him? - but because with exceptions (!) most men feel most comfortable in the role of the pursuer. And I mean in the beginning - the first month or two you're dating - until you have a firm exclusive commitment where it is understood you are spending every saturday night together, etc - until it is understood you are speaking every day.

 

Even then - I wouldn't do most of the calling - in that first month or two (or longer if he keeps it casual by only asking for a date once a week or less) -- I think women have a tendency to say things like "he ALWAYS calls every day" or he ALWAYS asks me out twice a week" when it's only been a few weeks and how could you possibly know what his patterns are or if he has patterns?

 

As far as your friend - first, there are exceptions, second it was someone she had been involved with who she sent an email to and he immediately responded. I do wonder whether if she weren't pregnant they would be together but you likely will never know that.

[Rainz]

Hmmm. I said the man should do most of the pursuing in the beginning. Not so you know he chose you - doesn't he deserve to know you chose him?

 

I fully understand what you said. I fully agree and agreed in my post that a man should do most of the pursuing as well. I also in my own words expressed my take on why I think that is. One of those reasons is based off of my observation of friends feeling insecure about having always been the one to intiate and pursue the man and how it has affected them emotionally within the relationship amd afterwards.

Also based off of guys who have told me they have only responded to women because it was "on a plate".

Though I shouldn't have to explain myself . I did not say that YOU said that, I merely agreeing with your post and stating my perspective on it too.

Yes it is nice for them to know you chose them but if it's me that they're waiting on to make the first move it would never happened, I don't feel that I have to.

 

Even then - I wouldn't do most of the calling - in that first month or two (or longer if he keeps it casual by only asking for a date once a week or less) -- I think women have a tendency to say things like "he ALWAYS calls every day" or he ALWAYS asks me out twice a week" when it's only been a few weeks and how could you possibly know what his patterns are or if he has patterns?

Good point.

I know for me though I like to see keeness so I'd rather a guy call me everyday , and nearly all the women I know like that too. It shows he's thinking of you and it sahows interest, other than just having a guy call you here and there.

As far as your friend - first, there are exceptions, second it was someone she had been involved with who she sent an email to and he immediately responded. I do wonder whether if she weren't pregnant they would be together but you likely will never know that.

I've not gone back and re-read my post but I am certain that I said that my friend was friends with this guy before. Not dating him, seeing him, involved with him. They used to be just friends, as in platonic friends and that's that.

Yes there are exceptions, but even with most of her relationships up until that point she was the initiator and pursuer.

She's always been a very resillient one though when it comes to dating and relationships.

[Batya33]

I guess it's a wait and see whether this will be a happy/healthy relationship for her (I read what you said and what I said was that I hadn't seen any happy/healthy relationships - I have seen long term unhappy relationships where the woman is the initiator). I hope for the child's sake all is ok. I found the expression "fell pregnant" interesting as if it is some sort of uncontrollable disease when apparently your friend decided to have unprotected sex with this man and pregnancy is a common result, no? ;-)

[NubianLove]

Excellent post as well as what yu posted b4. I very much agree

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

A couple of my friends go up and ask guys out when we are out and about. The guys always go for it in the immediate. But rather than having a look of pride and satisfaction on their faces, they have a look of confusion and uncertainty, like they're not sure they really even like this girl that's dragging them out on the dance floor. Then the guys never so much as return their calls, and those girls end up feeling hurt. All I know is, I don't wanna be the one that causes that look.

[painterchic]

dont call him he knows your interested. if hes into you he'll call. Ulltimately you will never know if he was truly interested and wanted to pusue you or whether it was just easy cos u were so available.

[Tex1907]

Call him! 90% of the time guys are the ones who call girls in this situation, and any guy would love it if you called them. If not, they are stupid....This would be the bestway to find out if you two have something by far... Just dont get too carried away... Calling is good but calling too much can make you look annoying...

 

Just be yourself. If you want to call, just do it! Theres no need to over analyze everything. Just do what you want to do!

[Batya33]

I think the point being made is that most guys like being asked out and also that most guys do not end up in happy long term relationships with women who do most of the pursuing in the beginning.

 

"do what you want to do" is a nice sentiment but when there are serious goals involved sometimes analysis - and a healthy dose of strategy - is just what the doctor ordered.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

 

"do what you want to do" is a nice sentiment but when there are serious goals involved sometimes analysis - and a healthy dose of strategy - is just what the doctor ordered.

 

Yes, Indeed!