It still bothers me how my g/f dresses....

[netman]

Maybe you've seen my posts before, but if you haven't and you're interested, here's one my original posts:

 

link removed

 

Anyhow, my relationship with my g/f is better than ever right now and I trust her 100% but it still bothers me when I know that she's going to work or to her college classes and she dresses kind of tight and stuff because I know that she's going to get that extra attention. The first instinct is that it's my jealousy and insecurities, which I do have some problems with, but I'm a whole lot better now, and right now I'm convinced that it's not that anymore.

 

The thing is that I don't fear that someone is going to steal her away from me or that she's going to leave me for someone else; it just straight up bothers me thinking about men looking at my girl's breasts when she wears her tight shirts or her butt in her tight jeans or when she's wearing something showing a little cleavage. In my head I'm thinking, "why should they enjoy looking at her body like that?"

 

I've been really good at keeping these thoughts in my head and holding my tongue (for the most part) so it's not a major issue as far as our relationship, but if I could get over this silly issue in my head I would be 200% happier.

 

For example, last week I picked my girl up from her job and she had a button down shirt open with a V-Neck tang top that showed a little cleavage and the whole time I'm talking to her I'm staring at her cleavage and I'm thinking, "she went to school dressed liked that and now work?" and I'm thinking about all the guys that must have gotten the chance to stare at her cleavage too. I remained cool until in the train, it irked me when I caught some guy sneaking a peak at her cleavage so I told her in a stern kind of mean way, "close your shirt!!" and I felt so terrible about it afterwards since I never tell her what to do like that, and I don't want to turn into one of these controlling, obsessive boyfriends, which I'm totally not. Most of all, I don't want to turn her off.

 

What could it be if it's not jealousy and insecurities?

[babycristy456]

You think you are not insecure, but you are. Why else would you want to control the way your girlfriend dresses? You don't want to turn controlling or anything, but that is the direction that you are heading. If you say that you are not afraid of guys stealing her from you, then what are you afraid of?

Your girlfriend has a right to look attractive. It makes a woman feel good when she looks and feels attractive...and when other men look at her! She probably does not tell you, but the attention makes her feel confident.

Women are always insecure, that's why they wear make-up, go to the gym, buy new clothes everyday, and all that.

You cannot take the confidents that she gets away from her! Although she is yours, she does not belong to you. Other men have the rights to look (I'm sure you look at attractive women too!). As long as you don't act upon your thoughts. It's only healthy to look.

You should try to recognize that, be confident that she won't be taken from you, and she only love you. Don't head in the direction of controlling her, because you will mess it up, and she is probably attractive enough to get other men...so be careful not to mess it up because of your insecurities.

 

I sound b!!tchy, so pardon me... but i think Im right about this.

[sharkgirl]

Ok, well I have one question...

 

Do you look at other girl's breasts?

 

Stop trying to control her, that's not fair, she's not putting blinders on you and stopping you from looking. It's human nature, you are a guy, you know this. Be secure enough to realize that she is with you and not them.

[winkie]

I am sure it makes your girlfriend feel good when guys look at her or else she would not do it. If she has always dressed like this you really cant change it but look at it this way they can look but they will not touch. Guys are different from girls they always look at everything. Dont let this ruin your relationship with her by being fresh to her. You need to know that she cares about you and maybe you should take it as a compliment that they stare at her and she wants to be with you. It is not like she is the only girl that dresses like that. PS when you pass a girl on the street and they have a shirt showing cleavage do you look??

[netman]

PS when you pass a girl on the street and they have a shirt showing cleavage do you look??

 

Yes, I do look. Sometimes I think that that's why this whole thing bothers me so much. I am the type to look at the breasts and butts of the beautiful women walking down the street, and when I do that I think, "man, someone's probably looking at my girl's body like this". Could this be my problem? Do you think that if I pushed myself not to look so much that it would help me?

[winkie]

It is a natural thing to look at the opposite sex. If you try not to look that is not going to help any. You just need to know that these guys do not look at her any differently then any other women they check out. I think you need to be secure in yourself to let this go. I am sure when they check out your g/f they probably wish they were with her instead of you once again take it as a compliment. There is not much you can do you need to accept the fact that she is attractive and guys are going to look or else it will make you crazy. I am sure girls check you out when you are with or without your g/f.

[babycristy456]

Unless you are willing to put on blinds over your eyes, then you have no right at all to be rude to her about the way she dresses. Unless it is obviously slutty. But from what I understand, she is just dressing attractive, showing a lil cleavage here and there.

You look at girls all the time, so even if you try, you won't be able to stop looking for long. why?? because it's natural!! you can't fight nature's ways!!! You want your girlfriend to turn into some covered up, unsexy, nun-looking girl?

Let her look good, She's yours...all yours. Guys are sweating what they can't have.

She has the right to do what she pleases with her body. If she wants to flaunt it, let it be. She is yours but you don't own her.You don't need to change her or the way she dresses. Just yourself, because you are the one with the problem.

 

This situation is like holding sand. Handle it carefully. You hold on too tight, she will slip away.

[brokenangel]

I have this same issue with my boyfriend...He totally hates the shorts that I wear (even though they are regular American Eagle shorts) and if I am wearing a shirt that shows cleavage. He just acts mad at me, but I think it's because he's insecure and won't admit it. What he did tell me is that he doesn't like the idea of other guys looking at me...

 

From a previous argument, I know for a fact that he's looked at other girls...It's human nature, he says. Well, it's the same thing here except it's YOUR girlfriend being looked at. I think this issue bothers him as much as him looking at porn and other girls bothers me, but that's another story in another thread.

 

You need to understand that, as I told my boyfriend, that guys are going to look at girls no matter what they are wearing. The more revealing clothes just get the looks faster. There was a guy at the supermarket who would check me out and it was in December...I had a coat and sweater on. I reminded him of that and I think I made a point...

 

I don't think he's over it, but I still wear what I want..I'm not dressing slutty, but I am not going to wear turtlenecks and jeans in the summer so he will feel better. You need to accept that people will always look. It's not her fault...They are looking for some of the reasons you are with her. Just be glad that she is with you and wants no one else but you!

[netman]

Thank you all for your replies. Getting women's perspective on this really helps. I especially like Winkie's and Babycristy's responses; very helpful.

 

 

Any guys out there going through the same thing with their g/f's or wives?

[Gilgamesh]

Hello netman,

 

What you need to do is have a different attitude, i mean, i can sit here and say hey don't be jealous, and that you insecure, which is true but doesn't solve anything.

 

Now this may sound politically incorrect, but you need to show her off, you need to say to yourself, wow i got me a great chick, she is mine, fellows eat your heart out.

 

If you got a nice car, do you worry that other guys are checking out the wheels? the curves? no way, because its yours, you get to drive it when you want, you just take care of it and it takes care of you.

 

I for one don't care if my girlfriend dresses a little sexy, as long as its not slutty, she wants to feel attractive, she knows she can have any man she wants, but she chose you!!! and I'm going to let you in on a little secret, this is something you want! you want her to feel that she can have any man she wants, because that means she doesn't need to try and ever prove it!

 

What do many men do when they go through there mid life crises? they feel un attractive, like they are losing it, they need to feel they still have the power!, women are like this all the time, they have insecurities also they need to feel attractive and that they still got what it takes!

 

Here is yet another way of looking at this, she has told you she is yours, and she dresses up in an attractive manner, read between the lines! she does it for as much as for herself!, in her sub conscience she saying, i want to be as valuable as possible I want my BF to realize what a special person he has so he don't do anything foolish like leave me.

 

You see all you need is a change in your attitude and way of thinking, from now on you want to show her off, your going to say, wow you are so sexy baby I'm lucky to have you!, tell her you like what she is wearing! let the guys drool let them eat their hearts out, man you are a lucky dog!

let her glow in her attractiveness! be proud!. showing your girl how much you trust her with your actions is telling her how much you love her!

 

As for why your jealous, it could be from your past experiences it could also be something in your child hood you don't even remember, hehe i even heard that parents that put their babies in other rooms, and sometimes don't come when you cry, conditions you to not count on people! who knows. but once you change your attitude, once you say to yourself hey I'm lucky to have her and she is lucky to have me and if she does do something silly I don't care, its her loss as much as mine, Ill just find another babe.

 

Believe me you get that attitude and everyone is going to be happy!

[netman]

If you got a nice car, do you worry that other guys are checking out the wheels? the curves? no way, because its yours, you get to drive it when you want, you just take care of it and it takes care of you...

 

...and I'm going to let you in on a little secret, this is something you want! you want her to feel that she can have any man she wants, because that means she doesn't need to try and ever prove it!

This is a really good analogy and perspective on my situation. I never, ever thought of it in this way.

 

And you're right, she never has to prove how she can have any man she wants, which means no head games and no trying to make me jealous. She's exactly like that, no games no nothing, so I should be happy and appreciative about that; now I think I am. Wow, you're really making me think. This has to be one of the best pieces of advice I've ever received. Gracias mi pana!!!...