After 1.5 month of NC...he emailed. here it is!

[rachaelg]

Hey everyone. I am sure some of you remember my story. My bf of almost 2 years dumped me during my 4th year University finals. The 3rd time he has dumped me..this timing because he was leaving to Thialand with some buddiesfor 2 months. He gave some lame excuse that 'things aren't working between us' -see old posts if you want to better understand.

 

After 1.5 month of heartbreak and anger...and 1.5 month with him being out of the country with NC. This morning he emailed me. I am not too sure what to think. It seems like I was doing so bad..not being able to move on..but really trying. but these last few days I have been so good. and thinking that I am better off without him. Then out of the blue he wrote me Here is what he wrote

 

Hi Rach....

How are you??? I don't want to just write an email and pretend as though we're best friends, but I would really love it if we could at least correspond via email for now.

Anyways, there are sooo many things that I've been wanting to tell you - things that you'd definitely want to and be happy to know.

First of all, my sister is pregnant!!! I found out just before I left that her and scott are going to be having a baby, and it's due early December. I'm going to be an uncle!!!

Second... I'm sure you got into teachers college, and I'm hoping you're a little curious about me.. Well, I didn't get in... I'm on the waiting list, but I think I'm like 35 out of 38 or something, so there's not really any chance of me actually getting in.

Finally... this trip has been an incredible experience, but I don't know how you stay away from home for so long... I'm completely homesick with still another 3 and a half weeks to go.. what am i going to do...

I hope all is well for you - I think about you a lot.

With love, ____

 

OK...so I am so confused. This email sounds like he misses me. And the last two times he dumped me. I did NC. and he did the same thing. emailed me all the time. then started begging for me to take him back, and I did. BUT THIS TIME. I dont want that. He is a jerk. I know that he doesn;t deserve me. But i just want to know WHY ...i mean. WHY is he writing. He obviously has an intention. He doesn;t just email some girl just to say hi. He knows that I dont keep in touch with ex's. I guess thats why I am confused. I am NOT GOING TO WRITE HIM BACK. but..I just want to know what people think. I am just confused about a few of the things he wrote..like saying he was thinking about me, and that he wants to email FOR NOW...etc...

 

ANy advice or insight? Thanks so much.

[greekgoddess]

well, it just sounds like he is lonely and wantsa some one to talk to. why not just ne friends with him? you can tell him clearly that you do not wantg a "relationship" with him. I don't see the harm in responding if you just want to be friends. if you are truly over him then you'd have no problem being his firend. the people who say they don't even want to be friends are not over their ex's

[rachaelg]

I dont want to be friends with him. I am not over him. I still love him. But i am very upset with him too. What he did to be was horrible. Breaking up with me during 4th year university finals..IN A LETTER. I think he just wanted to be single in Thailand..and now that his time there is coming to an end..he wants to see waht I am up to at home...

NO!

[Hope75]

Why don't you just tell him what you've told us? That you have been through this cycle with him twice before and you don't wish to repeat it again. Let him know you are fine, thank him for the news, and ask him to please refrain from writing again because it only makes things harder for you in the end.

 

 

I am guessing that you are not interested in taking him back, is that correct?

[greekgoddess]

I think you're absolutely right. He did break up with you so he could fool around with girls in Thailand and as a consequence 2 things probably happened.

 

1) He didn't hook up with any one and realised he had a good thing with you.

 

2) He did hook up with some one and he realised he had it better with you.

 

So, it seems that either way he realised he'd rather be with you and now that he has satified his curiosity it only solidyfies his feeling for you and he doesn't need to be curious any more.

I broke up with a guy once because I wanted to date others and I was curious but all that ended up happening was that I realised I was happiest with him. Does being curious make you a jerk? I would rather have some one who is 100% committed to me than some one who is half * * *. The only way someone can be 100% committed is if they have tried the others and still chose you. They say to make the best decision you need the more choices. It would make me feel better to know that I was chosen over x amount of girls rather than being the only girl in the first place.

[rachaelg]

well. I mean...I dont want to be friends. ANd I dont want to be that GIRL who takes a guy back after he dumps her time and time again. I want to have more self respect than that.

BUT

Is that what you are thinking he is emailing about? You think he is having thoughts about getting back together? Thinking that he is going to come home, and wants to have me lined up waiting...like I was before?

[RandomAdvisor]

I think he just wanted to be single in Thailand..and now that his time there is coming to an end..he wants to see waht I am up to at home...

NO!

 

My thoughts exactly. He's coming back in two weeks. Of course he's e-mailing you. You may love him, but his actions show that despite what he may say he doesn't love you. I've been in a LDR with my GF for four years. I love her. This guy couldn't be away from you for two months?

 

What a jerk. I wouldn't even respond to him. Put his e-mail in your junk/ignore list. It's all he deserves from you.

[greekgoddess]

I would make him suffer the way he made you suffer and if he still wants you after that then maybe you have a chance at being together

[RandomAdvisor]

Is that what you are thinking he is emailing about? You think he is having thoughts about getting back together? Thinking that he is going to come home, and wants to have me lined up waiting...like I was before?

 

I think that's exactly what this is about.

[annie24]

Why don't you just tell him what you've told us? That you have been through this cycle with him twice before and you don't wish to repeat it again. Let him know you are fine, thank him for the news, and ask him to please refrain from writing again because it only makes things harder for you in the end.

 

 

I am guessing that you are not interested in taking him back, is that correct?

 

DITTO!!!!

 

In fact, it doesn't sound like he is looking for you back. it just sounded like a "I want to see if you miss me e-mail."

 

My advice: push delete and don't write back. He's broken up with you too many times, and the last time, DURING FINALS!!!!!!!!! What a jerk!

 

Forget him, delete all e-mails. If he really wanted to be a friend to you, he wouldn't have broken up with you during finals.

[annie24]

well. I mean...I dont want to be friends. ANd I dont want to be that GIRL who takes a guy back after he dumps her time and time again. I want to have more self respect than that.

BUT

Is that what you are thinking he is emailing about? You think he is having thoughts about getting back together? Thinking that he is going to come home, and wants to have me lined up waiting...like I was before?

 

Like we said, I think he is just interesting in seeing if you miss him and if he has a "backup plan" upon his return home.

 

I can tell you with 150% certainty, if he met a girl he really clicked with on the flight back, you wouldn't hear from him ever again.

 

he's a bonehead. forget him.

[rachaelg]

The things that confuse me about this letter is when he says that he hopes we can email FOR NOW, That he hopes I have been wondering about him, That there are so many things he has wanted to tell me, And then when he states that he thinks of me often.

 

He knows that I dont like being friends with ex.s And the past 2 times he dumped me I went straight to NC..and then the emails started (i ignored)and he began to want me back..But I just dont know if this email is THAT kind of email.

Maybe he just wants to be friends? No matter what. I am not going to email him back. I dont feel strong enough to do this.

EIther way. I am not emailing

[Hope75]

Greek Goddess brings up a good point, and if he had broken up with you ONCE, I might be inclined to agree with her. Seeing as he's done this to you 3 times already, I think he's had more than his fair share of chances. What happened the other 2 times you broke up?

[annie24]

you know, he broke up with you 3 times, and you took him back twice. don't take him back a third time. seriously, what a bonehead. And you.... DON'T BE THAT GIRL THAT KEEPS TAKING THE BONEHEAD BACK!!!!!!!

[RandomAdvisor]

Maybe he just wants to be friends?

 

Say that out loud and try to stop yourself from giggling.

 

He's done this twice before and you've taken him back both times. Of course he's going to try it again. Be prepared for him to ratchet up the level of attempts to contact you. This e-mail is just the beginning I think.

 

Be prepared for him to e-mail you again and again.

 

"Did you get my last e-mail? You didn't reply. I guess it was lost. Anyway, I'm good. How are you doing...?"

 

Which is why I think you should add him to your block list.

 

And then once he gets back the phone calls will start. At that point I think you should tell him you know what he's trying to do, you don't want him back because he's a jerk, and hang up. That should do it....

[rachaelg]

Thanks so much for your replies

 

To anwswer your question HOPE75

 

THe first time..we just had a yelling match and he broke up with me. We were broken up for 3 days. Not really important.

 

The next time 6 months later...it was the real deal. We had all these plans for the summer and they were just going to begin, when he pulled this "we have been together for 10 months and I am not in love with you yet...I think that I would be in love with you if it was going to happen..so I think we need to end it"

 

I was crushed. I did NC for 1 month, and sure enough. just as the summer is ending and our last year of university is starting. He emails and emails, and leaves notes at my door. Saying he made a mistake. That he DOES love me. He wants no one else but me. That I am the girl of his dreams... etc. Thigns were great...

 

And then..this last time..6 more months. And he starts acting odd. I thought it was cause of our university finals, and him leaving (even thou we had talked and agreed that we would wait the 2 months for each other) I was being supportive. But I sensed something was wrong when he stopped talkign to me for 2 days! Then he begins acting normal.. we have a wonderful night 1 week before his plane leaves...he is dropping me off after studying for our finals..and he hands me a letter dumping me. Saying that it is time. Something about us doesn;t click.

[annie24]

well, if he really feels that "something about you doesn't click" then leave him be. He's done this enough times. If you take him back, I gaurantee that he will break up with you again. And you will have no one to blame but yourself.

[Belle]

I think you should avoid all contact with him. I believe he was right the first time when he said he wasn't in love with you. Guys who really do love someone don't treat her the way he has treated you. You have nothing to gain by speaking to him again, and a lot to lose. He came back because he couldn't have you (scarcity) and he had no one else better. He thinks the grass is greener so let him find out the hard truth.

[Siriana]

I agree with you, the smartest thing that you could do is not answering his e-mail. Completely ignore him.

I just hope he woan't be persistent because that can be so annoying and hard to deal with when you still not indiferent toward someone. But the best way is to pretend that you are because people who act the way he does back off only when they see that they have zero impact on you. Then they find someone else to manipulate with.

 

What a jerk. He just does what he wants to do without considering other people emotions. If I dumped someone 3 times I would feel really horrible, and I would never try to act friendly with that person because I would now how stupid I acted. That's the reason why I don't do that kind of stuff. He will learn that, some girl will dump him and it will hurt him as much as hurted you when he dumped you. Maybe than he will realise how things work.

[rachaelg]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh THis sucks. Since I received this email..the last 3 days all I have done is think about him. Thoughts keep coming...Maybe he wants to get back together...but deep down i know it is a bad idea. I just miss the comfort and the companionship. Since i got this email I have been thrown back in the healing process. I cry all the time and think about him. I heard through a friend that he is asking why i haven't responded. I dont know what to do. I still love him. Its so hard not to write back. but i know that being in contact with him will only lead to further heartbreak.

[RandomAdvisor]

All you can do is wait. Give yourself some time and you'll feel better. Maybe trying to stay occupied for the time being will help keep your mind off him.

[annie24]

one day at a time. don't worry. (((HUGS)))