Do guys need a little nudge?

[Mee2]

Hello,

 

I am seeing this guy, who is really cool, but he seems to not really initiate anything. Our conversation goes well, but I do most of the initiating and things like that. I have a friend who is usually upfront about how she feels with men, letting them know she likes them, etc. and even asking them if they want to be her bf.. this works out for her. Then I have other friends that say you have to let them chase you. Which one works better? pursuing or being pursued?

[xprincessbugx]

depends on the guy and the situation really. If he's shy then maybe you should try to initiate things first until he's able to be comfortable around you.

[luxe_13]

Yeah that's a tricky one which I often get confused about. I think it totally depends on the guy.

I think if the guy is acting very cool and you're feeling frustrated then I think there's nothing to lose by giving him a nudge in the right direction.

To be honest, every guy that has ever asked me out, has done so because I have been up front and majorly flirtatious.

If he runs away then I guess he was never that interested anyway.

Just don't be too full on I guess.

Good Luck!

[btbt]

I think it depends on your style. Your friend's upfront style works for her probably because she'd bold and confident and doesn't get worked up over rejections. If you are more comfortable with the guy taking the lead, sit back and let him do so. If he doesn't, he's not the right guy for you!

[atraceofblood]

I think you should definitely try to initiate something. If it works, then it works!

 

I would appreciate it if any girl, even if I didn't have an interest in them, came to me and initiated something. I may have a hard time interacting with women, but if the women take control, then it makes it a bit easier.

 

Just remember to not wait so long!

[inspiration]

Either way really works as far as pursuing/being pursued. I just discussed this with someone tonight actually. She wonders why I haven't intitiated anything and I just said I do not feel like "wearing the pants" right now... if she tried to initiate something I may go with it though. But due to my current situation and mindset I do not feel the need to pursue anything.

[Batya33]

Do you mean he doesn't say anything about anything or he is just quiet about his feelings/his intentions with respect to you? If the former, do you know what he is interested in and do you make an effort to learn more about what he's interested in so you can talk about it? Also, what do his actions say about his intentions? Does he call you, ask you out, in advance, for a proper date that he plans? Does he invite you to future events with family or friends (not sure how long you've been dating).

 

What works for me is to let the man do most of the pursuing in the first month or so - until we are exclusive - and then I will do more of the initiating once we are an established couple. I find that men typically like to be the pursuers - they are flattered when pursued but those women are not typically the ones they choose for a long term healthy relationship.

 

If he is not calling or asking you out you have your answer - if he is calling sometimes/asking out sometimes then his interest level at this time is probably not high. Nothing wrong with asking him - very simply - "where do we stand?"

[dragonzeyez]

The problem is probably that he does not know whether you are simply flirting or actually interested in him. There are a lot of girls out there who are just big flirts, and there is nothing wrong with that, but it does make it hard for guys such as myself, especially when you do ask them out and it turns out they were just flirting. So he may simply not know which one you are doing, I recommend making it directly clear to him by asking him out on a date, and make sure he knows its a date and not simply friends hanging out. Hope this helps.

[Day_Walker]

The answer is whichever one suits your personality and you are comfortable doing.

[NotSoSlick]

I'm just going to say that in the relationship I've had with the last few weeks I havent been very initiated because I'm very shy with showing my feelings I wish I could show... I feel like I need a kick in the * * * from the girl im seeing to tell her...