ruined for life

[grymoire]

Damn, I still get a major lump in my throat and chest when I hear from a friend that she went someplace with her new guy or introduced him to her other friends and stuff, things that I wanted to do with her, but she is now doing with someone else and that is what she wants, I was just a mere blip in time that she used to fill her time when she needed to for a short while. Why do I still feel so physically sick inside when I think about her, I still care so much. aggh

 

Monsiuer, why do you feel this way? Is she using you in any way? Can you be more specific? Does she make you do things for her?

[monsieur]

She never made me do anything, but I did everything I ever could for her.

 

I feel like a blip in time because I filled her need when she was lonely, or needed help, or needed to talk, etc. etc..... then all of the sudden I find out that she has got a boyfriend now, she never even told me about him, I found out from another friend, so I can only conclude that she was using me and I still don't know exactly why she never told me about the other guy, maybe fear that she couldn't use me anymore? I still don't know.

 

I feel really bad inside about the whole thing, it hurts but also feels very unsettling, it scares me in a way that there are people like this out there in the world, and it scares me more that I can have such pure love for someone like this that is no good for me at all, yet I would still melt for her if she ever asked me too. I feel nervous and vulnerable, and very much unsettled inside. I am so honest, and always was honest with her, and believed the same of her, only to find out that she would deceive me in the end when it suited her purpose at the time. Maybe in her mind the 'deception' was justified to protect my feelings or something like that, I don't know. The biggest thing that hurts was I gave my all, I was there for her, and she rejected that and chose someone else. It would have been much better if she had rejected me from day one, but to let me be a friend and get close to me only to choose someone else to be really close to, after the fact, is a really hard thing to swallow and has really shattered my internal confidence about myself.

[grymoire]

She never made me do anything, but I did everything I ever could for her.

 

I feel like a blip in time because I filled her need when she was lonely, or needed help, or needed to talk, etc. etc..... then all of the sudden I find out that she has got a boyfriend now, she never even told me about him, I found out from another friend, so I can only conclude that she was using me and I still don't know exactly why she never told me about the other guy, maybe fear that she couldn't use me anymore? I still don't know.

 

Okay, after she got a new boyfriend if the amount of time she spent with you reduces that is acceptable. But if she is not contacting you at all after getting a new guy then that means she used you until she found herself a boyfriend.

 

Why did you do her so many things that she never asked for? Can you please tell me what all the things you did for her?

[monsieur]

I added stuff to my last post before you read it, so look back at my last post again.

 

I did all kinds of stuff, fixed things for her, took her out for dinners, bought gifts, drove her places, brought food over when she was sick, etc. etc. etc..... basically everything you would do for a real girlfriend, or a really really good friend

[grymoire]

I added stuff to my last post before you read it, so look back at my last post again.

 

I did all kinds of stuff, fixed things for her, took her out for dinners, bought gifts, drove her places, brought food over when she was sick, etc. etc. etc..... basically everything you would do for a real girlfriend, or a really really good friend

 

Did you pay for those dinners?

 

Buying food and bringing it over to her place is fine 'cos any friend would do that.

[monsieur]

I had money, lots of it, she had none.... I would pay for any casual acquaintance in the same circumstance, let alone a girl I completely adored. I wouldn't dream of letting her pay.

 

She did offer to pay many times, but I wouldn't allow it.

 

If you had lots of money and a good friend was on a tight budget, wouldn't you pay? For me it is a natural.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Have you ever met and been involved in some way with someone that is just so perfect for you in every way except they don't want you?

Yes, and even worse she loved someone else and eventually married him. And here's something ironically brutal. Their wedding date: Feb 27... my freakin' birthday!!!

 

Someone that you are attracted to so extremely in every way, mind, body, soul, personality.... where noone else possibly measures up in your mind.

Comparing someone to someone else is never good, and exactly how much time to you allow these girls to show you what they have as a person before you dismiss them?

 

Where you can meet really attractive nice girls and yet you can't get any enthusiasm at all because they are not her? I have been getting in random conversations (for example, 2 different hot girls started to chat with me yesterday, all smiles, I was just minding my own business) with extremely beautiful tall smiley friendly intelligent girls alot lately, but all I do is compare them to her in my mind and really have no desire to hook up with them. They are not her.

You are not being fair to any of those girls, who could show you more about love (if it comes to that) that you could ever imagine, because their love is mutual. But when you say that they are not "her", yet you can't have "her", where does that leave you?

 

I just want to love the one girl I am crazy about, no other girl can possibly do. I am screwed.

Dude, if you can't have her, let it go and move on or become a hermit. Those are you only choices. You've tried to let her accept the possibility of a relationship with you, and she refused. For your own sake, move on. Are you opening your heart to any woman who shows interest, or has this girl stolen your heart and has it locked in a box? You're not giving yourself a chance to be happy, and you're letting this circumstance dictate that.

 

If you don't mind me asking, what is it exactly about this girl that makes you forget the other 3.5 billion in the world? I can't imagine she has something that no other girl even comes close to having. I thought that way about my girl, but then I fell for someone else and my original crush was an afterthought. I still think about her now since I am single, but since she's married, I'm moving on. I know it's a different situation, but it is also the same since you seemingly cannot have her as a lover, especially since she has a new guy.

[cant-stop-loving-her]

hey,

u should read my thread ..

its "urgent help needed" in the dating and shy people section.

 

I got rejected by a girl bout 3 weeks ago and believe me, she still is the most perfect girl i have ever seen - but of course thats to me only..

i still love her like i did b4 and although i've been told by loads of people to get over it, i just cant..

 

so all u can do is rreally try to heal as fast as u can and then move on..

and LEARN FROM UR MISTAKES..

believe me, there are so many things i can see now that i did wrong then..

* * * * g2g

[Dating Coach]

You also have a case of one-itus. You guys are doing this to yourself.

[Mavh25]

my goodness i was obsessed with matthew bellamy from muse... does that count? I agree with dako, to be in love with someone/thing doesnt mean you have to own it, enjoy that you felt it but realise you cant have it

[Roger070]

Hi, just a general question; what would you do if the person you were into liked you back at some point but because it didn't work out you were friendzoned? Keeping in mind that you still want to be with him or her.

[opiate92]

What if you WERE with that person?

 

I'm dating (maybe I shouldn't , I don't know) again after getting dumped. I have yet to see since the breakup ANYONE who can compare to my ex. I've dated (and even "made out") with girls that my friends claim are smoking hot...(and they think my ex wasn't that hot)..but to me - they don't compare to the ex ...and nobody does.

 

Unlike the original poster of this thread - this girl was not just a close friend. She was my girlfriend and lover for two years. She was everything I ever wanted. ...nobody I've met in my entire life before or after her even compares. This scares me A LOT. I ruminate a lot that maybe she's the best I'll ever do - and so now I'm worried I'll spend the rest of my life either alone or having to settle for something less just so I'm not alone.