Don't want to ask for a blowjob, but...

[Arrowsmith]

I have been dating a 25 year old woman for 6 weeks. Our relationship became intimate pretty fast by my standards (~week 2). I give her oral sex (usually to orgasm) pretty much every time we have intercourse (~3x week). She has never given me oral sex, but I would like her to.

 

"Just ask her", you say. Well, it's complicated: I have genital herpes and she's never had a cold sore. I always use condoms for intercourse. I have never used a condom for oral sex. I have received oral sex many times in the past, and never infected anyone to the best of my knowledge.

 

I'm not sure how to handle this situation. Just suck it up and resign myself to intercourse only? Talk to her about it explicitly? Wait a while and then talk to her about it explicitly? Hint at it? Find a new gf?

[AwdreeHpburn]

ASK HER. Talk to her openly about it. She may have some ideas too.

 

And oral with a thin condom can feel really good too. Are you willing to at least suggest it and try it??

[the yang to the worlds yin]

Does she know you have herpes? If not, I highly suggest warning her. And herpes may not always show up even if infected, so you very well may have infected people in the past. If you care about her, you won't make her take that risk.

[RayKay]

"Never infected anyone to the best of your knowledge" does not mean you haven't, or they have not passed it on to others. Not everyone gets symptoms/outbreaks with genital herpes, but that does not mean they do not have it and cannot pass it on to others as well.

 

Anyway, I think you should talk to her about it, my guess is she is concered about transmission, and research together the risks. I would also suggest you should practice oral sex using thin condoms if she does decide to go ahead - and you can get some great flavoured ones.

[itsallgrand]

I agree with the others. I realize that a lot of people do not speak openly about this type of thing, so it must be difficult. But you had the guts to post here; and no one is judging you for it. Your girl deserves to know.

And I'm sure she wants to make you happy, as well.

[Arrowsmith]

Naturally, I told her I had herpes before we had any sexual contact at all. I strongly suspect that's why she doesn't want to give me oral sex (although it's actually safer than kissing someone with oral herpes).

 

Thanks for the thin/flavored condom suggestion -- it's worth a try!

[the yang to the worlds yin]

I don't blame her. Have her talk to her doctor about ways she can perform oral on you without chance of being infected. In this day and age, it's just too risky otherwise.

[mrrisotto]

I'm in a similar situation... except I do not have any diseases whatsoever. My girlfriend has given me oral sex 3 times in the 7 months we've been together (I go down on her every chance I get). She never touches me either. I'm uncircumcised, so I think she has some reservations because of that, but I don't know what I can do to help her. I'm not really hung up about it, and she knows exactly how much it turns me on, but I'm just concerned that the ONLY reason is because my foreskin is intact.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

but I'm just concerned that the ONLY reason is because my foreskin is intact.

 

Have you tried asking her about it?

[Tigris]

Buy some flavoured condoms!

[Arrowsmith]

I'm in a similar situation... I'm just concerned that the ONLY reason is because my foreskin is intact.

 

Well, it just so happens that I'm uncircumsized too. I've never had a girl balk at this, but I supposed some might.

 

Do you have any reason to think that your gf would be any different with a circumsized guy? Maybe she just doesn't like the idea of giving oral/manual sex in general.

[mrrisotto]

We have talked, and the general picture I'm getting is entirely due to the foreskin. She doesn't find it attractive. As you might imagine, this is a huge problem for me (not necessarily the fact that she doesnt want to give me oral, but just the idea that she finds me unattractive). It's a tough thing, and I've done everything I can to educate her. I guess its her choice.

 

Back to your question... I'm thinking that the reason is because of your genital herpes. I'm not too familiar with the disease, but I could see how someone (i.e. the woman you've been dating) could be concerned about contracting it from you during oral sex (with or without a condom). I don't want to bash you or anything, but have you tried finding a partner who also has genital herpes? I'm sure they would be a lot more understanding, and more willing...

[mrrisotto]

Case in point: my girlfriend and I were making fantastic love on the couch earlier and everything is going good. When we finish, I'm still hard as a rock (I hadn't cum). She gets up, says a few things (i.e. "wow, you're really hard!"), then walks off and doesn't do ANYTHING to pleasure me (even a simple stroke would have made me feel a lot better). After about 10 minutes of sitting on the couch, I make the comment "do you have any tissues? I want to cum" and her response is... "yeah, on the floor." I have a hard time thinking that I'm being needy or selfish, so what the hell?

[lucia]

Case in point: my girlfriend and I were making fantastic love on the couch earlier and everything is going good. When we finish, I'm still hard as a rock (I hadn't cum). She gets up, says a few things (i.e. "wow, you're really hard!"), then walks off and doesn't do ANYTHING to pleasure me (even a simple stroke would have made me feel a lot better). After about 10 minutes of sitting on the couch, I make the comment "do you have any tissues? I want to cum" and her response is... "yeah, on the floor." I have a hard time thinking that I'm being needy or selfish, so what the hell?

 

Oh wow, it seems like she's selfish, because it's ok when you pleasure her and make her orgasm, but she doesn't care if you orgasm or not What's up with that??

My bf is uncircumsized too, I have no problem with that. But geez how offended she would feel if you told her that you don't like the way she looks down there Probably you would never get sex again. And she told you this, and she doesn't care if you're happy, she doesn't care about your feelings at all * * *?