Am I entitled to feel like this?

[Süsser Tod]

Long story short, my gf got an urinary tract infection, she found out after having oral sex, full story:

 

 

 

She is freaked out and scared to death, and wants to "slow down" the relationship, so yes, I think it is pretty much done.

 

Basically she said she wants to forget about sex, not that we were actually having sex, and she wants to take that little bit of intimacy away from the relationship, she said we've gone too far (oral sex) and that she doesn't know what she is doing. Dunno why, but I feel like I'm getting into a "sweaty hands" relationship, welcome back to elementary school.

 

She asked me that, hope it is only while she gets over the scare, she kinda said that. Though, don't know if I can handle it, and if I can, don't know for how long.

 

She is 22, I know that for a fact, but I'm starting to doubt she is ready for an adult relationship.

 

I love her, I'm convinced she may be "the one" and that is the only reason I'm not running away, but damn, I would be lying if I said I haven't thought about running away and not looking back.

[Beyondthesea]

How long have you been dating? Honestly she is just freaking out over having a UTI, it's nothing big.

 

If you've dated a long time and she wants to slow things down, I would consider leaving as she is 22 and maybe isn't ready for the level of a relationship you are.

 

If you really love her, wait a while. If you stay together eventually you'll have enough sex that you won't care anyhow

[RayKay]

Alright, I just posted on that thread with a bunch of stuff about how she should not be freaked out about a UTI.

 

You should lay off the sex until the infection is cleared up just to prevent retransmission for example, but her UTI could of been caused by numerous things (ie poor hygiene, low immune system) and not directly related to sexual activity. It was also there before you were fooling around the other day even if the symptoms were not noticed until then. UTI's do not develop that fast after all.

 

They are very common in women, and in some women are very frequent (ie those with shorter urinary tracts) but can be prevented with the right nutrition, hydration, hygiene (wiping right way, peeing after sex) and for example drinking cranberry juice regularly.

 

It's not the end of the world, and it was caught fairly early on. So, it really is not something to "freak out over".

 

I think she should educate herself a bit about them.

 

I also think if she suddenly puts a stop to intimacy after her infection is cleared up, you have to re-evaluate things or not - as in is that really the relationship for you. It's generally not a great sign if someone is saying they want to "slow things down". It is very possible she does feel you have moved fast sexually, but then I think you still need to decide what kind of relationship you are looking for and wanting too.

 

You may just be at very different stages in life.

 

How are you convinced she is the one? How long have you been together?

[Süsser Tod]

We've been dating for 3 months, exclusive for 1 month.

 

The one, well, to be honest... It is just that feeling I have never had before for someone else, its the first time I can truly think of spending the rest of my life with that person.

 

No, it is not infatuation, my bipolar disorder makes me get over that extremely fast, with her it didn't even lasted for one week. I'm already in the stage I can see a bunch of defects in her, but I can also see the virtues that I want my partner to have.

However, some of the defects, specifically, how she handles the relationship, starts to look like a dealbreaker, as it just hurts me way too much.

 

I think that her not being ready for this sort of thing is looking like a real option, I want that not to be true.

 

I may not make a lot of sense right now, I'm confused, angry, sad, etc. And on top of that, I had to call in sick again because of migraine...

[ElektraHere]

If she is using a UTI to slow down the relationship then whats it going to be like if something serious comes up. You shouldn't feel bad that she got one thats ridiculous. Like RayKay said it has to do with her own hydration and feminine hygiene; especially if she does not go to the bathroom after sex.

If you are finding faults this early then I hate to say that this may not be the relationship for you. She may just be your rebound from the last one you had.

[Süsser Tod]

If you are finding faults this early then I hate to say that this may not be the relationship for you. She may just be your rebound from the last one you had.

 

 

As I've said before, I'm finding faults because that is the way I am, it is part of my mental issues, when I feel vulnerable I try to find a way out, exagerating flaws or making a big deal out of nothing, its a way to protect myself.

 

And rebound, she is far from being a rebound.

[ElektraHere]

Well then if she is far from a rebound what the heck are you fretting about? Your negative vibes will drive her right out the door. Watch out what you put out because ultimately its what you get back.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Tod - you are entitled to feel the way you feel. Its sort of a YOU thing. People feel how they do for no reason, good reason and little reason. You are entitled to feel anything that you do.

 

However, you should maybe look up some info on UTIs because my understanding is like what RayKay said. While you CAN get them as a side effect of sex, its not likely. They're usually caused from internal stuff like the bladder and all those organs.

 

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Her UTI may have coincided with oral sex but the two are probably not related. They may be, of course, but not likely.

 

Here, this link here link removed

talks about how common UTIs are.

 

She may have just gotten scared if she has never done anything sexually before and now got a UTI. I totally understand.

 

i understand your frustration as well if you don't see a UTI as that big of a deal. But try to be in her shoes. She's prolly just nervous and a bit scared. And UTI's are uncomfortable. After getting one, she may be thinking, "if I can get a UTI, I can surely get an STD." And I'm sure she's not up for that!!

 

Just inform yourself so you can help her through it.

 

Good luck dude.

[Beyondthesea]

She honestly is just completely overreacting. I get UTI's several times a year and I follow every single direction the doctors give me. I am just prone to them.

 

I take cranberry pills, aciophilus, drink 8 glasses of water per day, wipe myself correctly, go to the bathroom before and after sex and I still get them. There's nothing anyone can do about it.

 

I really think saying she needs to take a step back from the relationship is a negative thing. This is a very small issue compared to other things you will face together in life.

[keenan]

I'm with Beyondthesea--in some women these are super common no matter WHAT you do. I actually participated in a clinical trial b/c I'm so prone to them, and I'm pretty much on antibiotics all the time. Suckola.

 

I'm sorry she's freaked out. It sounds like she was feeling a bit guilty and hesitant anyway, and the UTI was just the catalyst that made her put her foot down.

 

Personally, if you care about her I'd just give her some space and let her come back to you. If you don't have the time or energy for it, maybe let her go so that she can have a relationship that's slower-paced. Her definition of an "adult" relationship may not be the same as yours....

[Süsser Tod]

I can't believe this...

 

I sent her this links so she could inform herself about the cystitis

 

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Her response amazed me! She was only a hair short of sending me links of some religious organization proclaiming abstinence is the only way for salvation

 

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Damn, even the source of the links tells a lot about her maturity level. Yes, I agree in their extreme safety measures, and I would think of them with a stranger, not that I would be having sex with a stranger to begin with, but come on, with a stable partner in an exclusive relationship?

 

Welcome to the dark ages, next thing I'll know is that she'll bring a blanket with a little hole so we can have sex...

 

Damn, i can't believe it.

[AwdreeHpburn]

sorry tod.

 

Is she really religious or just not quite ready for sex and looking for back-up?

[Süsser Tod]

sorry tod.

 

Is she really religious or just not quite ready for sex and looking for back-up?

 

 

No, she is not religious at all, it is just an example of how extreme is the content of those links, just read the link removed links, their approach to sex is... They say you should be using latex gloves and dental damns with your couple, I understand the point, it is all about being safe, but come on, that is way over the top. I mean, we are talking about a stable exclusive relationship.

 

Those links look more like material designed to scare little kids from having sex, not like real world usable information, heck, I couldn't help but laugh at this:

 

Your Basic Safer Sex Kit for a Pittance

10-12 latex condoms,

One bottle of latex-safe, water-based lubricant.

10 pairs of latex gloves - ok? Wisky tango foxtrot???

5 dental dams, or, if you can't find them, a box of plain old plastic wrap - ok, that is going to feel good

A little tube of organic aloe vera gel.

 

We all know sex involves risks, and all of the above would basically kill al the fun on it. I'm not against being safe, but that is way over the top, and if you are not ready to cope with the risks asociated with your exclusive couple having oral sex, then you are nowhere near being ready to have anything to do with sex, not at all.

[AwdreeHpburn]

that's aimed at teen-agers?? Is she a teen-ager?

 

Sounds like that's a good message for those not married.

 

Maybe she's not considering it a serious, stable, long-term relationship. What do you think?

[Süsser Tod]

that's aimed at teen-agers?? Is she a teen-ager?

 

No, she is 22

 

Sounds like that's a good message for those not married.

 

That would be good advise for people having casual sex with strangers.

 

Maybe she's not considering it a serious, stable, long-term relationship. What do you think?

 

Last time I checked, it was for her and also for me.

[AwdreeHpburn]

then i'm sort of confused as well.

 

Have you been sexually active for a while and just now because of her issue she's not wanting to anymore??

 

Yeh - I don't get it. Sounds like there is something else going on but I'm at a loss.

[itsallgrand]

SusserTod,

You gave me upfront advise and input, so I'll give you the same.

 

This girl doesn't sound right in the head. No offence meant at all, but she is not acting like an adult. She is acting like a little girl.

 

What to do? Up to you. But I foresee more of the same, and it will probably get worse before it gets better (if it gets better).

 

Us old broads aren't that bad y'know. lol. And there are plenty of 22 ish yr olds who are nice too.

 

good luck. hope you find some happiness.

[Süsser Tod]

then i'm sort of confused as well.

 

Have you been sexually active for a while and just now because of her issue she's not wanting to anymore??

 

Yes, pretty much thats it. She hasn't even wanted to see me at all, not even talk on the phone.

 

Yeh - I don't get it. Sounds like there is something else going on but I'm at a loss.

 

I'm afraid that the thing going on is inmaturity or her not being ready for this kind of relationship.

[Süsser Tod]

SusserTod,

You gave me upfront advise and input, so I'll give you the same.

 

This girl doesn't sound right in the head. No offence meant at all, but she is not acting like an adult. She is acting like a little girl.

 

Unfortunately I have to agree, that is true.

 

What to do? Up to you. But I foresee more of the same, and it will probably get worse before it gets better (if it gets better).

 

Since Monday it has been going downhill, so yes, I'm pretty much preparing myself for the worse.

 

Us old broads aren't that bad y'know. lol. And there are plenty of 22 ish yr olds who are nice too.

 

good luck. hope you find some happiness.

 

If this ends up blowing up, I'm going to take a LONG break from relationships, this girl has given me headaches, I've cried my eyes, I've even got my stomach all messed up...

[shademan]

umm simple if you are mature enough you will care for her and hold your horses for a while cuz you choose to be with her for the sake of her not her tunnel.