Just began an affair while my boyfriend is in India for another 4 years.

[nottoogreen]

OK, you ought to understand modern women. Them can be at least as bad as guys, once "desensitized".

 

... bad karma

[aporia14s ex]

my love, ive always appreciated ur honesty. who wouldn't appreciate someone else's honest ways?

 

i was upset about you being with other ppl because i had not stopped loving and caring for you. to me it was like we never left. i didn't want to accept the fact that we were over.

 

...i did accept it for what it was , ie personal growth. i dealt with it didn't i? i mean i had loved you so much and i had felt as tho you had loved me a million times more than i loved you.. i never thought u would have been with anyone one else... but u were, and we've spoken about it, and i've learnt to deal with it. and ive accepted it.

[aporia14s ex]

hey Ailec1987, i just wanted to mention ( i don't know if it's my place to or not, but i feel as tho i should..) that she's been seeing someone new (as u already know), but she's telling me that she's already in love with him.. i kinda feel that's a bit bizarre... fair enough they knew each other b4 from coll (she the student and him the prof.)but i mean that was a teacher\student relationship...now all of a sudden, they meet up, and she's in love wit this guy. i mean i know ive been dumped and all, but i'm not just talkin from a broken heart. i think she's wanting me to be there for her, but because i can't, she's finding someone else to fill my place. - but i understand that. i understand why she would want to do that, i guess...

 

and another thing, she's been comparing this new guy and what he's all about; to our relationship. and i dont think that's right. she's seeing all these things as a positive and using that to convince herself that our relationship was the worst thing ever. - atleast that's what i feel.

 

you know, obviously when u start seeing someone else, things seem all shiny and bright... but is it really?

 

i'm worried that she'll be with this person, end up sharing alot with him, and then he'd f* her over. i really hope he's not like that!

 

i love this girl so much. i jus need to be there for her. and i can. because i want to. she just needs to allow me.

 

i've now fully awaken!

[aporia14s ex]

aww come on, beyondthesea. four yrs is as long or as short as we make it.

 

i know for sure that we both love eachother enough to stay together. i just need to step up... pick up my game, cause it's all been my fault for what has happened recently and the way she feels.

 

i can fix that. but she has to allow me to.

 

i just wish you guys could feel and understand my love for this girl. maybe then, and only then would u really undersatnd where i'm comin from. she means eveything to me.

 

we only have 2 yrs left that we would have to be apart. i plan on doing things to help deal with this situation...i plan on prob. taking out a loan, which would enable me to go see her whenever she wants.. (and when i want too

that's just the bare minimum that i'm willing to now do. after all, as it was mentioned before in this post somewhere.. why make money get in the way of love...

 

i'm willing. i have faith. i jus need her to have faith too.

[nottoogreen]

aporia14's ex,

 

she has been falling out of love with you for some time, at least she tried. She looked at guys too. My gf same. Still have her...

[aporia14s ex]

meow18, hey.

i really like ur choice of quotes. they're both so true to heart.

 

like the 1st quote says "Committing your love to someone means losing the chance to experience another's love. So just be sure the person you're committed to deserves your love or else it's not worth the sacrifice."

 

i dont care for any other chances. i know where my heart belongs, and i know that she deserves all my love. it's worth it for me. entirely!

 

and as the second one goes..."Everyone needs to be valued. Everyone has the potential to give something back."

 

see, this is where i went wrong. i knew what she was worth, but yet still i didn't value her the way she should have been valued. i didn't give enough back.

 

i miss her terribly. its only been a couple of days, yet still i wake up crying every morning, crying before bed, and i'm miserable all day. i know she's had enough, but i know i can make up for it.

[aporia14s ex]

you're lucky bro. hold on to it. cherish it. cause if u love ur gf anything close to how much i love her, it would kill you if u were to loose her. never neglect her. she's ur queen. treat her like 1.

 

(i know, i shouldn't be the one givin advice, but i've learn't alot along the way..) take care of her!

[nottoogreen]

y it would kill you if u were to loose her. never neglect her. she's ur queen. treat her like 1.

...

Thank you for your kind advice, I do heed it. I have improved myself (in her words) and we have more and more stability in our relationship.

 

 

[aporia14s ex]

that's great man. i'm proud of you. keep it up!!

 

u know, it's funny cause i thought that the relationship was gettin better(well not at the time, bcuz i knew i had been focussing more on my studies and less on the relationship) but over all. we had stopped stressing about all the little miniscule things.., she had said that i'd made alot of improvements too... but i guess it wasn't enough or wasn't soon enough..

 

i really want to get back together with her. any advice?

 

i sent her flowers @ work yesterdsy.. when i asked her about it, she told me that she had given them away... and when i asked her agian, she said that she'd left them @ work...and that's where it is.

 

i dont know what else to do. should i just fly there and give her a REALLY BIG HUGG and squeeze her soo oo tight??

 

i want to do that, a few of my fiends said that maybe i should..but when i ask her what she wants.. she tells me NO! and i mean "NO!" not "no"..lol

 

i love her. i'm willing to do anything. talk to me..what should i do? what do all u guys think i should do?

 

(i believe deep in my heart that if i were to go there - surprise her, pick her up.. give her a bigg hugg, it would make things all better. atleast that's how i feel. i mean that's how strong i feel our love is for eachother!!)

 

 

she just needed me to be there for her. and i wasn't. { i figure we all get that point by now but i dont see it as being too late. am i wrong?

[nottoogreen]

.. but i dont see it as being too late. am i wrong?

You have to ask her.

 

Also relationships get worse easily, and better hardly.

 

Did she make being in love with the guy up?

 

Is she in love with you?

 

How to fix you both up LDR (long distance relationship) I do not know, you can't even look into each other's eyes or hold each other...

 

My gf was falling out of love, afterward me too, we split up several times, getting back in synch is difficult. We are like falling in love again, we have kids after all, but it is not easy and not a LDR.

[aporia14s ex]

guys, - if anyone cares - ive jus found out that she's been seeing this guy for the last 3 weeks or more (...she lied to me, she told me she's been with him for a week and she wanted to break it off with me first..but that was not the case.) she's even introduced him to her family... we weren't even broken up yet! i didn't have a clue. never even saw it coming..

 

goodbye group. best of luck to all in your present and future relations. thanks for lending me ur ears during the past.

 

i'm sorry, but i dont feel as tho i should post on here anymore. its just too much to deal with. i have to find other ways to deal and heal.

 

bye,

devistated, speechless and broken hearted

[nottoogreen]

Sorry aporia14's ex,

 

Thank you for the update. I have nothing smart to say.

 

All I can say is that you will find new opportunites and a new mate and that I wish you all the best.

 

We will always be here for you.

[kadvati79]

All through your posts, what I read is denial and justification of your behaviour. Just ask yourself these questions:

 

How would you feel if he cheated?

How do you feel about your cheating?

 

I can bet your answer is not the same, which indicates you have distorted your view on reality and are trying to justify your behaviour as acceptable.

 

...in my past experiences with my bf he has not appreciated my honesty...

Are you saying, that by getting angry when you were honest in the past, you think he wants dishonesty? if that is the case, ask him then. Ask him if he would want to know if you are having an affair. I wonder, did he "not appreciate your honesty" or "not appreciate what you were being honest about" - there is a big difference.

 

...he thought I was cheating... so I reported to him any contact I had with any guy but, it didn't help he didn't see my honesty for what it was... I was also honest with him about the other guys I dated during our 2year break-up and to this day he is still upset about it and he thinks I cheated on him... my personal growth.

You talk about honesty like it is something that is given and must be accepted. Honesty is teamed up with trust, and a whole bunch of other virtues. What I read here is this:

 

I have always been honest and never cheated in the past but he didn't trust me so its okay for me to cheat now

 

I still don't know if he would cheat but, I still put faith and trust in him.

Ok, you are on planet crazytown where Michael Jackson is the mayor. Read up on link removed and link removed because basically, you are living a textbook case of Special Pleading... "a form of spurious argumentation where a position in a dispute introduces favorable details or excludes unfavorable details by alleging a need to apply additional considerations without proper criticism of these considerations themselves"... in essense you are applying a double standard to your behaviour because you believe your boyfriend should have trusted you etc... etc...

 

If I told him the truth he would try to make my life a living hell and he would be tremendously hurt. I can't do that to either one of us.

Why would he be hurt? I will say that again and I want you to think about it... WHY would be hurt?

 

Okay, so how do I know all this? Well, cause I've been there, and it ain't pretty. But over time i learned how painful and destructive this cycle can be. You need to STOP this affair. Regardless of whether or not you stay with your boyfriend, you need to stop the affair. Maybe stop both. You are learning some very, very, unhealthy life skills and ones that can really f**k up your life... if you want to see how this can all end up, read some of my story in the threads I have started.

 

Keep posting...

[aporia14s ex]

icemotoboy, thanks for taking some time to post on here. i really appreciate it. thank all you guys!

 

icemotoboy, it's a good thing that u've experienced this first hand. now i really have someone that understands me, and the way i feel about this entire thing - it was like u picked those thoughts str8 outta my mind.

 

aporia14 had started seeing this guy for quite some time (about 2-3wks), before she told me; AND when she told me, she said that they'd met like 1 week before and she wanted to end it with me before she contiued anything with him..haha >>big joke. this guy had already met her family and everything. >> now she's gone to see him. she's been there since last tuesday or wednesday.. probably returning to NY today (sunday) in time for work tomorrow.

 

she told me that she loves this guy. after 3 weeks. haha [she probably didn't even know his middle name yet...but she loves him..]

anyways, sry for being a bit bitter here.

 

wow. i still don't think it has really hit me that it's the end. i mean i'm upset with her for doing what she did, and i don't think i want to be with her after she's been with this new guy (which i'm sure they've already done..sexually i'm talkin about. - AND within less than a month's time after leaving me.the one she said she'd love so much..) i mean, would you even think about being with her after she's been with someone else??

 

i just can't get over it. jus within the same time that she was seeing this guy, she was making me little vids (most of which were sexual), sending them to me as little surprises.. now she's probably sleeping with this guy - i don't know for sure, but i've got a hunch, and good reason to believe that.

 

tell me, is that how love works? does she feel even the slightest love for me? did she love me?? i dont feel as tho she even cares 1 bit of what this is doing\has done to me.

 

(... i'll have to continue this a bit later.. it's been close to 1 week since i haven't called or spoken to her - since she went to see this guy..and i was doing very well... jus reading all this again, and just thinking has brought me down. im starting to feel depressed again. sry)

 

 

 

ive been trying to keep myself busy all the time. trying to keep my mind off of her, and it's been going well.. some days are real badd tho. ...change of topics..

 

on an up note, i'll be going to canada for a 2 week vacation in aug. that'll be nice cause all my friends and family will be there to support me. i need that rite now - i don't have anyone at all here. i don't even have many fiends here. and the ones that i do have are all on vacation..i'm stuck here all alone! she was everything to me. i had really appreciated her being everything to me. i really meant alot!

(i need a hugg..i need to hug someone - i need my family and friends)

i really hope she don't come to toronto during the time i'll be there... expecially with her new bf. i think that would be killer for me. that's like rubbing it in my face.

[aporia14s ex]

i feel as tho she never cared at all about me. it's taking me so long to cope and heal, but it didn't seem to take her any time to get over the 9yrs that we were in love. seems as tho she didn't loose a single thing. - is that cause of me? did i push her to feel this way? but how could i... did i love her too much?? that's the only conclusion i can come to.

 

that day before she left to see her new bf, i had HOPEd that she would have instead taken a trip here.. (HOPE).. the planes flew over my house. as each one passed, i had hoped to see her like an hr or so after (that's the time from the airport to my home).. i would wait. patiently. hoping.