Depressed....

[Karibo]

I am unhappy with my love life at the moment (or should I say, lack of it!)

 

I have been single for a year and a half, so I feel as if I have learnt about myself better and it has been fun at times to be on my own and not face all the complications I see my friends going through who are in relationships.

 

Overall, however, I do wish that I was in a long-term relationship too. I was in a 3 year relationship three years ago and I miss how that feels so much.

 

Since that relationship I have had so many experiences which just haven't worked out! I was clingy to begin with, I admit and that is why those dates didn't work out. But now I am not clingy at all - I realise that it is far better to be alone than with someone who is not right for me. I do not 'chase' anybody, just have been going on dates and seeing how things pan out. The trouble is, none of these dates in the past year and a half have been right.

 

Some I haven't felt any chemistry for, one guy was diagnosed with depression so he couldn't be in a relationship, others were just sleazy, and the other day I went on a date and we had a fantastic time but then he said he thought he was too old for me (8 years older!) and that we were moving in different directions.

 

It's just so disheartening. I look at my friends and am envious. I am happy for them, but it just doesn't seem fair. (One of my friends has been with her boyfriend for 8 months now and they met through me and the guy who has depression!)

 

Well, there's this guy I have liked from afar for 2 years, but I just don't know if I could ever tell him. The more I get rejected, the more I think there is something wrong with me and I take it so personally. I think I would be hurting incredibly if he turned me down or it just went pair-shaped.

 

All the dates I have been on say I am beautiful and sexy, and many have said I deserve better than them, but I am sick of people saying this to me. I have people trying to chat me up whenever I go out, but it has just got to the stage where I am turned off because they just seem sleazy. I'm tired of men just 'wanting some fun'.

 

I dunno if I should just chat to this guy i like who works in our local bar. He does seem attracted to me and I know he is single.

 

I am happy at times when I am on my own, but it just feels like i've done the alone bit now, surely I have waited long enough and have got to know myself well enough by now??? I mean, I feel as if I have.

 

Just dunno if I can face being rejected again.

[NJRon]

Hmm. I can understand how disheartening it can feel, especially when you can't figure out any reaosn why no one would want to be with you. I find that the best cure for that is to just make friends and see if things develop. Not focusing on trying to get together with people... just getting to know them. Expanding your circle of friends and, eventually, meeting someone directly or through someone else.

 

I say start talking to the guy you're interested in. Do it in a friendly chatting sort of way and see if he takes an interest.

[Kevin T]

Oh, I totally hear you. I have often become depressed in the past wishing I had someone to love again. I used to be engaged a few years back and it was awesome having a deep, intimate relationship with someone. I'd give just about anything to have another long term relationship like that.

 

I've been single for well over two years now, maybe closer to three, so I've got ya beat there. Not that I'm bragging; it sucks, quite frankly.

 

Just out of curiosity, Karibo... how old are you? You've got to at least been in your middle twenties.

[Karibo]

I'm 21. I know that's not old or anything and that I should be 'going out there, living my life' but I am, just wish there was someone to share it with!

 

Yeah I think I'll try and chat to him. The only problem is, the last guy I went on the date with is one of his housemates! (I found that out later!) and that might be a little weird.