tell me im doing the right thing...

[music lover 88]

My boyfriend and I broke up about 2 weeks ago, but we still talked afterwards. I thought I was helping him, because he said he was doing so badly, and he insisted that talking to me would help him. It wasn't helping me though. How am I supposed to move on if we're still in contact with each other? So anyways, this entire time he's been trying to get back together with me, this I only realized a few days ago when he wrote me a letter.

 

He wrote me a letter stating his undying love for me, how he would do anything for me, and no one would love me like he does. This infuriated me. He knows why we broke up, certain things just didn't work, some were out of our control. So I wrote him back, and completely blew up at him. I'd never done that before, usually I kept my anger inside.

 

I was so angry we was making me feel guilty. We talked before I wrote him the blow up letter. He said his life is now ruined and he's lost the thing thats most important to him. His letter was very dramatic, he said he'd die for me, he said that his heart/soul would die too if he had to let go of me. He said he wanted to be my soul mate. And lots of more dramatic things. I think he thought if he said all of those things then I would come back to him. I have in the past, because I really believed I would never find anyone else that would love me that much, and I gave in because I didn't want him to be hurting, I wanted him to be happy.

 

In my "blow-up letter" (written this morning) I told him to stop making me feel guilty. I was mad he made me believe he accepted our break up, when really he was trying to get back together with me. Last night he kept calling me and I didn't answer. He called me non-stop for three hours last night. He must have called me like 20 times. I never answered. I should have turned my phone off. I went and did other things during that time so I wouldn't be thinking about him calling. I FELT SO BAD THOUGH for not answering. IT WAS SO HARD, but i didn't have anything more to say to him. And I knew if I answered, I wouldn't be strong enough to withstand his pain and I might give in. Our relationship seriously would not have worked out and we would both be miserable in the long run if we kept trying.

 

I still feel so incredibly bad. I told him I didn't want him to call me or contact me anymore. At least for a few days. I told him he should take some of that time and start thinking rationally, he had been acting in desperation the last few days and thats not the real him.

 

God I feel so bad. He really, really, really wanted to talk to me last night, he showed up at my apartment trying to find me. I told him I couldn't talk him right then, or anytime later that night. He asked if he could talk to me the next day and I said ok. That was when I wrote him and told him I didn't want him to call me, email me, or come find me. I know he's going crazy. I want to help him so badly. I want him to be at peace. I told him I wouldn't talk to him until Friday, was that wrong of me? Am I being too harsh?

 

My friends and my sister are really proud of me. They're glad this cycle is finally ending and that I've for once been really firm with him. But I can't stop thinking about him and wondering if he's ok.

[Mrocza]

I just wrote almost the same thread :s

 

I honestly think we're going to end up torturing ourselves trying to be nice to them. It's over for a reason right? Our reasons are justified. We were honest to them, so why can't we be honest to ourselves?

 

We'll just feel worse and worse and more guilty. And we don't need that.

 

In a breakup theres always going to be one person who is more hurt. You can't help that.

 

I think it's better for both parties if you do NC...because you'll stop feeling guilty and he'll realize that you aren't sticking around to give him hope for more.

 

Ugh, it's hard. Trust me, I understand. But I'm trying not to feel guilty, because it's not my fault. It's not yours either. You can worry about him but you can't let that consume you. You have to move on too!!!

 

He'll be fine, eventually. Time heals all wounds.

 

Focus on you now...that's whats important.

[music lover 88]

Wow you're right, our situations are similar. Its amazing how its so easy to forget about yourself and feel guilty. Its so hard to overcome that. When you said this, it really helped:

 

You can worry about him but you can't let that consume you. You have to move on too!!!

It makes me think, just because I'm worrying doesn't make me a bad person, and I can't let it take me over. I keep telling myself even if he doesn't understand now, someday he will and he'll realize his life really will be better this way.

[Cadence308]

You sound really sweet to be all worried about him. But, you are right that keeping in contact with him will not help you to move on, but enable him to be desperate at trying to get a relationship that isn't going to work to work. Good for you for being honest and firm with him.

 

Maybe you should tell him that this whole situation is hurting you, too, and in order to truly move on you don't want to have ANY contact with him.

[blemished]

He cannot help feeling the way he does, he is experiencing grief and all those things we go thru after a break-up. I would gently tell him this is best for him (no contact) and maybe make a date in the future when you can talk, so he can look forward to that and in the mean time, be alone to move on.