Was I right to be angry with her for telling my secret to her bf?

[SilverManic]

If you ask your best friend not to tell anyone a secret about your love life and she tells her boyfriend and he makes fun of you for it would you be mad?

[RayKay]

I sure would not be telling her any more secrets!

 

Some people believe that you should tell your partner "everything" even when it comes to private info from friends/family. Others don't.

 

I guess I would learn not to tell her anymore information you don't want him to know, and to let her know you are not impressed she told him.

[xmrth]

I believe the majority of girls out there tell their boyfriends everything. Personally, I stopped because I don't think it's my boyfriend's business and I really don't feel like seeming like I have no life to need to talk about other's lives, and I haven't told my boyfriend any personal things (unless they are absolutely crazy and I'm aggravated over it-- I can't really think of an example, though) that go on in other people's lives.

 

However, to be honest... when you confide in someone, you are always taking the risk they will tell, no matter how trustworthy they are. I mean, definitely you could tell someone all the secrets of your life and they may never tell a soul, but there's always the chance. Especially if the person has a boyfriend or girlfriend because they tend to share a lot of things like that.

Not everyone, but a lot of people do it.

 

I can't even begin to count how many things one of my girl friend's have told to her boyfriend. She'll come to me for advice, I'll give it to her, and she turns around and tells her boyfriend everything instead of acting on it! It's like ruining the whole point of giving the advice!

I'm sure some things I've said in the past, maybe not brought up all the way until now, have been told. I'd be mad if I found out, but in the end I'd just blame myself and nobody else.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

yeah, i would be. my group had this girlfriend, who didn't seem to understand, when we all got together to talk about guys, she wasn't supposed to go strait to that guy and tell him what we said, and the guy would get all bent out of shape. We all told her to stop it, but she just didn't get it. we quickly excluded her.

[itsallgrand]

Yup, I would. Especially if she didn't defend me w/ the bf making fun. An apology would be a good thing.

 

I too wouldn't share anymore secrets with her. What's told in confidence is meant to be kept btw the two people involved.

[SilverManic]

she told me I was over exajurating when I confonted her about it. I was so angry with her.... her boyfriend said it was creepy.

[DN]

yeah, i would be. my group had this girlfriend, who didn't seem to understand, when we all got together to talk about guys, she wasn't supposed to go strait to that guy and tell him what we said, and the guy would get all bent out of shape. We all told her to stop it, but she just didn't get it. we quickly excluded her.

 

It's for this reason that many guys don't like to open up to their girlfriends about their emotions and feelings - because they know that their girlfriend will talk about him and his feelings with all her friends.

[SilverManic]

Thats not nessierally true. Although in her case yeah she does. But then there are things I could tell him that would possibly end their relationship yet she constantly betrayes my trust because she knows I'm not two faced? But yet she persists in being two faced and as it happens is starting to lose the trust that we bilt up over 16 years of friendship.

 

I think I feel hurt more then anything, it feels like I've been stabed in the back.

 

~S.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

It's for this reason that many guys don't like to open up to their girlfriends about their emotions and feelings - because they know that their girlfriend will talk about him and his feelings with all her friends.

 

Did you mean because of the girl who tells the secret (perfectly ok)? or did you mean because of the one who was blabbing it, and consequently excluded?

[DN]

I think anytime people share secrets or confidential things about themselves in a relationship they should be kept secret. That would include feelings that one would not ordinarily share with anyone else and it should be unnecessary to spell out what comes under the heading of confidential.

 

But there is a perception among some women that it is ok to share those confidences with their friends - "it's just girl-talk" and that men should either not know of not be offended by this.

 

Because some men know that some women are likely to behave like this they will not share anything about themselves they don't want passed on to anyone else. Then of course they are accused of shutting their girlfriends out of their feelings and not opening up.

 

Of course, this also applies to men who share similar things confided by their girlfriends.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

well in the situations that i was describing those were not 'boyfriends'. and women should be able to discuss what the do or don't like about the nameless guy accross the room who is trying to hit on us, with their girlfriends, without the fear that the girl who is supposed to be our friend will go to the stranger and blab it. And, no one here was talking about situations such as the ones you described, were they?

[DN]

yeah, i would be. my group had this girlfriend, who didn't seem to understand, when we all got together to talk about guys, she wasn't supposed to go strait to that guy and tell him what we said, and the guy would get all bent out of shape. We all told her to stop it, but she just didn't get it. we quickly excluded her.

 

well, this is what you said - 'talk about guys' - you didn't mention the context in this post.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

well from what the original poster was saying, it was about girlfriends confiding stuff with eachother, and it's not the girlfriend's business to blab it to her guy, and it is well within the poster's right to feel betrayed.

 

i can't speak for anyone else but i would think it also goes with out saying that if your SO confides personal stuff to you, then said SO should also have an expectation of confidentiality, so rest assured that if that is your assertion, then i concur.

[itsallgrand]

Thats not nessierally true. Although in her case yeah she does. But then there are things I could tell him that would possibly end their relationship yet she constantly betrayes my trust because she knows I'm not two faced? But yet she persists in being two faced and as it happens is starting to lose the trust that we bilt up over 16 years of friendship.

 

I think I feel hurt more then anything, it feels like I've been stabed in the back.

 

~S.

 

That's understandable. Some people haven't developed that sense to keep things to themselves, and it hurts when the trust is betrayed.

 

I'm sorry to say this, but if this is how she is, you're best off protecting yourself and keeping important things to yourself.

 

hope you're feeling better

[Jhodas]

I'd be very very hurt. Not for the fact that she told her bf, but the fact that they made fun of you. Besides, unless you're very close to her bf, its none of his business.

[Tigris]

I've been in that situation too. My so called best friend 'outed me' as a lesbian in a pub where some of my Mother's extended family were. It put me in a very bad position because my two sisters threatened to disown me and stop me seeing their children if my Father found out (my Mother died in 2000). I had no choice but to tell him before someone else did.

 

It was hard enough being in denial for 30 years and going through 2 marriages which included a recent divorce without having to deal with that too. Needless to say I haven't spoken to her since Christmas Eve when it occurred!

 

The best friend had let me down on numerous occasions by bringing my new sexuality up and throwing it in my face. She even mentioned it to the Police when she made a statement about an assault that happened to her. This had nothing to do with the event!

 

If I was you I'd stop having anything to do with her. I know it's hard because I hate it. It doesn't help that she's my next door neighbour, but it has to be done!

 

Good luck