what do you call a man who....

[DN]

I think if you go get drunk with a man and then WILLINGLY go back to his place where he then actually makes you get up OFF the bed instead of trying it on with you and takes you home when you ask him and apologises for making your more drunk( which is not his fault, you're 28 and have a mind of your own), he isn't a sleaze because you put yourself in that position and he did the gentleman thing and took you home.

 

The blame is on you, not him. Like someone said, " You're a big girl now" and you and you alone have to take responsiblity for YOU and not blame someone else for your actions.

 

Agreed. Perhaps when he bought you all those drinks he was worried that if he didn't he would be accused of being cheap and not spending enough money on you.

[itsallgrand]

Yeah, but the dude was drinking&driving! The whole situation was a bad deal.

[Bethany]

I don't see how going for a meal with a guy who probably paid for it, who bought you drinks, asked you back to his place and you agreed, tried to be affectionate even though you had just puked in his bathroom and probably stunk of vomit, and then still did NOT try anything on with you despite you being drunk as a skunk, and then took you home like you wanted CAN be blamed for anything other than liking this girl and doing the honorable thing. I don't see how that can be called putting pressure on her for making her do things she did not want to do.

 

But ok, maybe he should have booked her a taxi and never asked her out again and thats the only fault I personally can find in the guy.

[SxcLady]

hold on. He didnt actually try anything, right? Are you just looking for an incase scenario? now i agree with bethany, but the only thing i see wrong is that he was drink driving!

[DN]

I absolutely agree it is wrong to get in a car and drive while over the limit. That is a choice someone makes.

 

But if you have been with someone all evening and have seen them drink then you are also making an irresponsible decision if you agree to be a passenger in the car. You are also making a choice.

 

Maybe "don't drink and drive" should have an addition: "Don't be a passenger with someone who drinks and drives".

[SxcLady]

Well said DN!

[Lita43]

Yes, it's Lita the mixing of threads woman! Not this time, but wondering if you got your issues of "Ex's Parent's Always Calling" issue resolved as of yet???

Drinking and driving is an obvious no brainer or getting yourself in a situation that you can't protect yourself, unfortunately it is something that should have been taught by the parents. If you will be so foolish to get yourself into a bad situation, then you must re-think the possible case senerio's before hand. If you're already drunk, you don't give a crap and can get into serious trouble. It's alway's your own choice and in retrospect, there are so many miserable young people in this world, that they just don't care to think about it and so sad!!!! "Been there done that too!!!" Being raped 4 times in life isn't sweet, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!!! Having a good support system "Parents, syblings or friends can make the difference!!!" Some people don't get the chance to learn about this "after the fact!" It's too tragic to even think about!

Anyway, the main reason for this post is for you!!! (I know it sounds lame now, since the former writing), but what is your concept of Winston Churchil's quote??? What kind of message do you get from this quote? I would like to hear what you have to say about it, as I think you can articulate well and if it's ok, I will tell you mine, but it's going to be deep! Lita~

[AwdreeHpburn]

Maybe "don't drink and drive" should have an addition: "Don't be a passenger with someone who drinks and drives".

 

There is an addendum to that DN - it says, Friends don't let friends drive drunk

[DN]

Hi DN!

Yes, it's Lita the mixing of threads woman! Not this time, but wondering if you got your issues of "Ex's Parent's Always Calling" issue resolved as of yet???

 

I think you still have us mixed up - I didn't post that thread, I just responded to it.

 

I don't want to hi-jack the thread and start a debate about Churchill's quote - but it may help the OP because she does seem to be having problems in her life that may be helped.

 

I think it means that if you are having a hard time for whatever reason (going through hell) you should keep going and not allow those problems to overwhelm you, but either solve them or get over them as soon as you can. 'Through' implies a progress and thereforeeee an end to the journey. In the same way that you leave daylight (or happiness) to enter a dark tunnel (or unhappiness) but you journey through it to reach light/happiness once again.

 

The important thing to remember is that the 'going through' part requires action on your part. You summon up the courage and make a conscious choice to put one foot in front of the other, either in real terms or metaphorically. You take control and don't allow yourself to become bogged down or detoured on that journey but conquer the fears and uncertainties of the darkness with the determination to reach the end of the journey.

 

'Hell' in this usage is a state of mind.

[itsallgrand]

There is an addendum to that DN - it says, Friends don't let friends drive drunk

 

All good stuff. Makes me happy.

 

I actually just have a personal passion against drinking & driving. It's nasty.

[yeawutever]

A screwed up bastard, an a-hole.

[shyanne]

pressures you to drink, and gets u drunk hoping to sleep with you?

 

what do you call a woman that would allow a man to do that?

 

Mmmm.... maybe they deserve each other or are looking to get the same thing.

[yeawutever]

what do you call a woman that would allow a man to do that?

Mmmm.... maybe they deserve each other or are looking to get the same thing.

 

Right on, LOL, forgot to mention that. Only a woman with a very low self-esteem would allow that type of behavior.

[RayKay]

Sorry teacup, but I agree with Bethany and DN on this one.

 

You are 28 years old, and YOU should know exactly how much YOU can drink. He did not force you to drink, even if he pressured you to you still have those two magical letters NO. Yikes, I have been out with people that like to drink too and I can easily say "no thanks". I can't see that you felt that pressured if you were also willing to go back home with him.

 

He also took you home when you asked after he tried to make a move (and if he liked you, of course he might be interested in making a move...you can't hold it against him for being attracted to you)...(and yes, I agree with others if he was drinking himself that is wrong, and you should not have agreed to go along with him either). Then he also profusely apologizes several times over.

 

So...did you accept his invitation to go out a second time? If you feel this way, I sure hope you didn't, otherwise you are just going to go through the whole thing over again where you did before, constantly resenting him and asking whether he is a "good guy or not" - it should NOT be that way.

 

You really need to learn to take some responsibility for yourself. You have a very bitter outlook, even a girl from your class whom wants to borrow your notes becomes accused of 'using you'. That is not a healthy outlook.

[teacup]

im not 28. im younger than that. and i didnt blame him. i just wanted some objective opinions. i think ppl read what they want to read - came up with some attitudes that i dont espouse.

[yeawutever]

teacup, from all your posts, you seem to be putting yourself into situations where you don't seem to have control over yourself and keep going along with what these so called "losers" do and say. Don't you think you that if you don't wnat something out of it, then you have a simple one word "NO".

[Iceman26]

pressures you to drink, and gets u drunk hoping to sleep with you?

 

Sublime wrote a song about this called "Date Rape"

[yeawutever]

Iceman26, she could just say "NO" to his advance and walk away, she's not really a helpless victim.

[RandomAdvisor]

im not 28. im younger than that.

 

Just out of curiosity, how old are you then? Why don't you update your profile with your actual year of birth?

[Iceman26]

Iceman26, she could just say "NO" to his advance and walk away, she's not really a helpless victim.

 

True, but its not like women see something like that coming, else I doubt they would fall victim to it.

[yeawutever]

I would see it right away, my gut instinct would play real fast!!!!!

[Bethany]

True, but its not like women see something like that coming, else I doubt they would fall victim to it.

 

Common sense tells me that she wouldn't have phoned him up and thanked him for dinner if she was a victim in this.

[yeawutever]

Right on Bethany, commom sense would play so fast. It's not like you're an innocent 5-10 year-old child that you have no will power.

[teacup]

if only the world were so perfect, and ppl including myself did the "right" things all the time, and did all the things they were "supposed" to do and "should" do at the correct moment. oh! larks! but the flowers would dance and the bees would sing and there wouldn't be any problems much less any forums called enotalone.

 

alas! the world in it's imperfectness.......i do recognize i have my choices, and am responsible for my own choices but i wanted to point out something very important here.

 

whatever my choices are - he and he alone is responsible for his actions and his behavior.

 

i was not actually bothered by this guy....something in me felt like i could trust him. (strange huh?) but there have been instances where i, without much dating experience, being young, naive, gullible, innocent, trusting, and believing the best in all ppl have been hurt, used, misled, betrayed, and abused. i dont see, how i could have been to blame for that/those persons actions when i simply didn't know any better at the time? and was too messed up to think straight.

 

ppl can be very deceptive.

[Iceman26]

Common sense tells me that she wouldn't have phoned him up and thanked him for dinner if she was a victim in this.

 

I agree, but if you reread what I posted, I quoted the first post she made, not the second.