BF meeting someone else....TONIGHT

[Eucalyptus]

Oh man,

I can't believe this is happening to me. Basically, I have become privy to some information that my boyfriend of 10 months is meeting up with another woman at an after-work soiree. I was supposed to be traveling tonight, but because of weather, I have cancelled my trip. Convenient, huh?

 

Suggestions? I figure my options include:

 

1. Call him like any old day, tell him I bailed out of my trip, blah blah blah

2. Don't tell him anything, and just show up at this "happy hour" and see what transpires

3. Go to a motel and kill myself.

 

Any quick replies would be most appreciated. I'm going to pieces over here and am at a total loss.

 

Eucalyptus

[vesper]

Call him, Don't just show up!! call him and tell him your trip got canceled. Are you sure there is anything going on?? it could be innocent, you may be paranoid for no reason at all. Did you ever think about that??

[RayKay]

Um, I advise against #3.

 

No man, or woman, is worth killing yourself for just because they are idiots. In fact if you do feel that way, it is a good sign you have some work to do on YOURSELF.

 

How did you become privy to this information? Do you know that this other woman is indeed a "romantic interest" rather then just a friend to go with since you were going to be out of town?

 

Have you had trust issues in the past in this relationship?

 

I would not show up uninvited really...hmmm....though I guess if you were going to "surprise" him then it makes sense, but going with the motive of busting him is probably not great. What would happen if you DID bust him there? If it's a work thing for him, well, that could just be very bad, know what I mean?

 

I would suggest calling and letting him know your trip was cancelled and go from there.

[Eucalyptus]

I have definitely considered the fact that this is innocent. And I would be much happier believing it. But my gut's telling me it isn't. If I weren't pressed for time I would go into why...plus I'm barely able to type a coherent sentence. I appreciated your feedback.

[BellaDonna]

Probably not the best advice, but honestly... if it were me I would:

 

2. Don't tell him anything, and just show up at this "happy hour" and see what transpires

 

Before doing that though, you need to know if the source of the information is reliable, if other co-workers will be there, etc. Try to do the more honest thing and go through him first. See if you ask him "What are you doing tonight" and if you get an honest answer....

 

If it is just him and another woman in more of a "date" scenerio...., and you're not told about it, then that is very problematic.

 

Killing yourself is not an option. If he is contemplating cheating (which you even don't know for sure yet) you can be thankful that you did not spend any more than 10 months with him. Dumping him would be the best option then.

 

 

BellaDonna

[Eucalyptus]

I was being sarcastic about the killling myself thing. It sickens me that I'm even entertaining the idea of "busting" him for anything.

[RandomAdvisor]

Oh man,

I can't believe this is happening to me. Basically, I have become privy to some information that my boyfriend of 10 months is meeting up with another woman at an after-work soiree.

 

How are you certain that this meeting is anything more than innocent? Many people go to bars and hangout with coworkers. Can you provide us with more details as to why you're suspicious?

[Eucalyptus]

Ugh....thanks, guys. I effing hate this crap.

[BellaDonna]

Do you usually have these kind of "gut feelings"? As RayKay mentioned, do you have trust issues in many relationships? Or is this a unique gut feeling?

 

On one hand you have to watch your own back and look out for yourself- on the other hand you risk ruining your relationship if it is indeed innocent.

 

BellaDonna

[Eucalyptus]

This is a VERY unique gut feeling. I am not the jealous or suspcious type. Once I get my equilibrium back, I can fill you all in on things. But seriously, this isn't an insecurity thing, an imagination thing, or a self-fulfilling prophecy thing. It's one of those "pull the rug right under you" kind of things, which I don't care for. Seems to be no way to avoid them, though, eh?

[vesper]

If I felt like another women was trying to step in on my relationship with my SO, I would definitley step in.

 

Imagine you did not know that he was meeting her and your trip got cancelled, would you call him and try to meet up with him?? You could call and say you heard he has a work soiree and you wanted to meet up.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Go with number 2! Don't show up too early. He doesn't need to know you'll be there. wait at least an hour, so he's had a few drinks, if you observe any serious improprieties with him and this other woman, you just walk out, and you're done with him, at least you know! Do it!

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I'd want to know about it, but I would expect my man to be able to maintain his own boundaries, if he can't then I'm moving on.

[Eucalyptus]

Well, as suggested, I took the high road and called him and said I had bailed out of my trip because of weather. I asked if he wanted to go out to dinner and he said, "Sure." Which is good.

 

But he's made plans with this other person. If it were me and it were, indeed innocent, I would have said, "Well, I agreed to meet up with a friend at such & such...wanna come with?" Or "I better call so-and-so and tell her I'll be late/not able to come, etc."

 

After dinner, who's to say he won't go join her? He has to be somewhere early tomorrow morning in a nearby town, and he stays with his folks who live closer on those nights. So I'd be none the wiser if he opted to go by the "happy hour" and check her out.

 

Seriously, I know him well enough to know that if this were on the up and up, I'd know about it because he'd tell me.

[Eucalyptus]

I suspect this woman has no idea he's dating me, much less practically living with me and wanting to marry me.

[Eucalyptus]

This isn't his work soiree, it's hers. They don't work together. She invited him.

[RayKay]

I am just curious how you "know" it's not innocent? Is the person whom told you a reliable source, or are they maybe biased?

 

It seems to me that he would not be so eager to say "sure" to going for dinner if it wasn't innocent, know what I mean?

 

Ultimately you know him best though....I just think there are too many unknowns here I think....

[Eucalyptus]

Thanks, guys. I guess I'll handle it from here and see what happens. Just seems awfully odd to me. Like I said, it's a gut thing.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Well if nothings up with this other girl, then why hasn't he mentioned going to a friend's work party? Usually if they 'forget' to mention things, there's a reason for it.

[justlookin]

From past lessons learned by me,when two people get together alone,(like it or not) a relationship develops.If I was in your shoes and I knew my girlfriend was going to do something simular,I would deffiantly have a chat with her about mutual respect and honest communication.Kinda the same thing happened to me a few yrs back and I did not confront Her.Well if it ever happens again I know what to do.I would ask you how would he feel if he knew that you we're doing what he is doing?Would He confront you?

[rose2summer]

I would go to dinner with him, then at dinner ask him if he had plans to go to this work function with this other woman. Watch his face. Liars have a hard time maintaining a true realistic smile. Go by your female gut instincts, they are usually almost right. Ask him about her. Watch him carefully without making it obvious. You want to do it in a way that doesn't make you seem like the jealous type. If he denies the plan of meeting her, then you need to seriously rethink the source who told you he was (are they credible?) and your next step of action. At that point, it's time for a relationship investigation to figure out what's up.

[Blue Skittles]

Call him up, ask him what his plans are for tonight, see if he tells the truth about meeting a friend after work. tell him your trip got cancelled. I wouldn't show up there unexpectedly cuz then that just causes bad feelings and if it is innocent well it just looks bad.

[agent1607307371]

Ask him to stay with you that night.

 

If he says that he can't he'll either admit he has plans or not mention it at all and you can go from there.

 

And if you do have to bring up his possible plans, stay relaxed. You don't know all sides to the story yet.