Like most of the people here, I love her and want her back

[Broken83]

Hello, First post here in enotalone, even though I have been reading a lot of the topics here and really helped me a lot.

I am 27 and she is 25 and a half yrs old. We were together for 1,5 years, that were really happy times, I still consider her to be the love of my life, a statement I usually don't make, since I had my fair share of relationships, as she did on her part....

 

Everything, from day 1 were perfect... we matched on all fields, we both felt that we found our soulmate. Things were going great for the first year and 3 months, until she found a job on the subject she was studying in the past 5 yrs, An engineer in marble quarries... not exactly a woman proffession ( no insult to the girls here intended...). from the moment she found this job, she became really stressed, as she had very strict bosses, who gave her all responsibility for the entire company, without any actual training...

 

This job was the dream of her life, and she was fearful she would be fired, something that she dreaded, as it took her about 6 months to find such a job ( nobody would hire her because she's a girl). She became very stressed, and began distancing herself from me. We didn't live together.. She lives with her parents, so do I (common here in Greece) , So I would go to her place, and was always there for her, giving my opinion and the best comfort I could give her, from my own experience. The thing is that she was always exchausted from the job, she would go out in business trips in the countryside, so for my part I tried not to push her or make an issue that we didn't go out as much as we used to... Also sex became an issue, because her living with her parents meant that most of the times, someone was home and we couldn't have some privacy... Again I didn't push her for it, knowing how important this job was for her. This lack of pushing backfired basically, because she began to think that I wasn't interested in her, that's why I didn't push the subject.so she began distancing herself from me, WITHOUT LETTING ME KNOW WHAT'S ON HER MIND, until it came to the point that she "loves me but is not in love with me".

 

All this time I had no idea! No talk, no hint that things were going wrong, and also my naive attittude that if someone loves you sticks by you no matter what... I guess for my own part I took her for granted ( that's my mistake and I have no problem admitting it).

 

So the first time she asks for time, we spent 1 week separated, I go after her and find her in a small village in central Greece, about 5 hrs from where we both live, we make up and give it another try. 2 weeks later, her grandmother ( her most beloved relative, apart from her parents) passes away, and 1 day later, her bosses give her an ultimatum that she would have to move to this small village 5 hrs from Athens, or would lose her job. Eventually she quits her job 2 days after the funeral of her grandmother, and the same afternoon she dumps me OVER THE PHONE, saying that she has a lot of problems in her life and doesn't need another ( her distancing with me and the feeling I wasn't interested in her).

 

NOTE: After we got back together, she told me that she then realised how much I loved her and that she began distancing herself without any reason but the fact was that she's still cold towards me... it's the result that counts, not the reasons( in her words). So she breks it off with me and I'm left devastated. This is a girl that told me and I know that she believed so, that I was the " man of her life".... I always knew she was the woman of my life, and I still believe so up to this day....

 

I did all the usual mistakes ( begging, crying, driving by her place, txt her,send flowers with 5 pages letters) and basicaly got so depressed, that it had an influence on my health temporarily... Nothing could change her mind... I ask all of you... Is this a way to treat the "love of your life"? No second chance? No nothing? Just walk away and not look back? I don't get it.... I never cheated on her, never looked at another woman( which was very easy for me, I am a tour guide and most of the time was surrounded by good looking women), always treated her as a Princess... She was the best thing that ever happened to me. I might have failed in some occasions of showing it to her but the love was there.... How could she believe that I wasn't interested in her?

 

Anyway, I'm in day 18 of NC, feeling somewhat better, the void is still there though... And while I know NC is basically for getting over a separation and I do it to that purpose, I can't help it but hoping that maybe she will miss me... It's very difficult not to initiate contact with her but I'm still hanging in there, hoping that my absense might help her see that we broke up for the wrong reasons. In the meantime, I am reflecting on my own mistakes, realising them and try to move on, without assuming she will come back, even though I would give up everything for this to happen...

 

PS: I don't believe there is some other guy involved. I asked her at first, she told me that she would never do that to me, I believed her... few weeks later I told her that I believed there was actually someone else, she got angry at me for not believing her....So I dont think I was dumped for someone else...

 

Any Advice on the situation? I love her with all my heart, she was the only one that made me feel complete, and I would like to spend the rest of my life w/ her... Should I stick with NC and hope that when she misses me, I will be a better me for her? Should I make one more move? It just hurts so much and is very cofusing.... Thank you everyone in advance and sorry for the long post......

[jcap01]

Hi Broken83,

 

I think the only thing to do is in this case is continue with NC. This will help you move on for sure. You cannot change the way she feels and if she does realize what she's really lost and you mean the world to her, she will contact you no matter what. I too am in the NC stage. It hurts I know but it's the only logical thing to do. Why push her away even more? Showing her that you can live without her and are strong emotionally will prove to be more appealing. Let her learn what life is like without you. If there was any sort of love in the relationship and you were always good to her, she will definitely miss you. My ex is now contacting me but I'm ignoring her. She needs to learn what life is like without me and maybe she will realize she made a big mistake. She is with another man right now. But she is contacting me (I'm her ex-fiancee). The only thing I can think of is that because i completely cut her out of my life and was always good to her, she misses me and I'm running through her mind. I don't believe nice people finish last...

[sukerbut]

filaraki, i am in the same position ! stay stong !its hard..its best not to contact her..read some of my posts and you will see why!!! this has had to be the hardest 6 motnhs of my life....my career is in termoil..the walls are crumbling around me and all i do is think about her..i have said good bye here amillion times yet i still come back..when it comes to this situation i am very weak...i too feel like you, been in so many realtionships, good ones too...yet this one was the one i wanted to spend the rest of my life with .... she was also stressed with the job situation,,,could not find one for 6 months...i eventually became a thorn on her side becasue i thought she was distancing herself from me due to another guy..when that was not teh case either..just recently i found out she is dating soem guy from her high school back inthe day..stay strong be well and enjoy the sun..zito ei elatha

[opiate92]

It is so eerie to read someone having the same situation on another part of the globe (and also many other stories on this website). I recently went through almost the exact same thing with a 2-year girlfriend.

 

I did the same thing - the flowers, the letters, etc. I also went into depression and have now started therapy to get myself out.

 

Take everyone's advice here and do no contact, because believe me - you DON'T WANT to know the truth.

 

I emailed my ex asking her what was going on (we were officially on a "break"....) after six weeks... And I got an email back about how I'm a terrible person and she's been "going out" with someone "better" for awhile now (a coworker at the new job no less...). ... It drove me over the edge into severe depression where my coworkers had to intervene and convince me to go to employee services and find help...

 

Unless you want that to happen to you - just drop her from your mind. If she wanted to get back together...she'd have called you. Since she hasn't - you KNOW what is going on. You don't want to face it (nobody ever does)...but you KNOW. Spare yourself the agony of finding out from her...

 

In my experience (not just from the most recent ex) when young women (and that means anyone under 30) change their life (i.e. they get their dream job finally) they want to change their WHOLE life - boyfriends included. I think from their perspective they see it as "this guy was with me when I wasn't so good... so he must not be that great ...so I can do better now... " A BS line of reasoning, but women don't make relationship decisions with their heads...thats just the way it is.

 

 

One thing is for certain though - if she loses that job you'll get a phone call.

 

Don't pick up.

[NubianLove]

I'll answer as a 25yr old female. You put yourself in her shoes, obviously stressed from her new job and then loses her grandmother, thats enough stress, and probably tipped her over. She's probably trying to figure out her life, figure out a new job and grieve her loss. Understand that, right now she cant be your girlfriend, maybe in the future but not now. Go NC and contact her later, if u cant deal with being there for her, then do NC.

 

Opiate sorry about your situation but pls no need to generalize based on ur own experience

[heloladies21]

Ok buddy, here's what's up. You've learned a lot from this whole relationship and break up, so no need to keep reflecting on what you could've done. It's time to put that part of the past in the past and look at what you can control right now and from now on. She knows your position and if she considers giving it another shot she'll let you know. In the meantime it's very important that you start talking to other girls. Push yourself if you have to, because you need to be in a better frame of mind no matter how this turns out. Bringing some female competition into the picture will help you do this.

[Broken83]

I'll answer as a 25yr old female. You put yourself in her shoes, obviously stressed from her new job and then loses her grandmother, thats enough stress, and probably tipped her over. She's probably trying to figure out her life, figure out a new job and grieve her loss. Understand that, right now she cant be your girlfriend, maybe in the future but not now. Go NC and contact her later, if u cant deal with being there for her, then do NC.

 

Opiate sorry about your situation but pls no need to generalize based on ur own experience

 

The thing is that I was there for her through the bad times....she even asked me: "how can you still love me when I go through all this misery?" All I replied was my heart: True love is when you love someone throught the hard times, not the easy ones... Look...I want her back in my life ( bit selfish here, I know.....) I want the person I loved back....the person that loved me for who I am, the person I loved for who she is.... if she does come back and one month later we end up the same way, I'm not interested.... I want the woman I knew that really cares for me and loves me. I don't want to be taken for granted. That is if her reasons for breaking up were true and there isn't anybody else in her life....

[ocrob]

Well, I would say that either she really is no longer in love with you or she is just incapable of dealing with a relationship right now. My ex told me she still loved me, but was not in love with me. She had built up a lot of resentment and things just changed in her heart. Your situation could be different. I think that it is great you have gone NC. I am wondering if maybe it might be a good idea to contact her in a short and friendly way to see how she responds. I am a huge advocate for NC and if she is over you , then you need to move on. I am just wondering if her stress and bad times may have been the factor. I don't recommend chasing her, but I wonder, if opening the door to communication might work? I have no idea. I highly recommend not trying to be friends, but if there is still feelings then maybe just getting back in her life slowly would be a good thing. I really don't know, but it might be worth a try if it is not too hard on you. Maybe you could call her or e-mail and just say you were thinking about her and ask her how she is doing. I guess you could see what her response is and go from there. It is tough and none of us know what the other person is thinking. There may be things that you don't know and maybe it was you, but it sounds like she was dealing with a lot. She may welcome a short contact from you. Maybe you should give it some more time. I would say if you do make this effort, then it should be the last. Ask yourself how much it would set you back, if she wants nothing from you.

 

Robert

[Tropigal30]

It sounds like she has already changed and isn't the woman you met ... and it sounds like she's going through a lot of stress. From what you've said she broke up with you because the relationship was adding to her stress.

 

If you really do love her and want her back then what you need to do right now is make it all about her. Be there only for her support and don't talk about the relationship or your needs, talk to her about how the job is going and how she is finding the new town, if she would like you to visit and take her out to distract her from her problems - FOR HER not for your own purposes.

 

True love is unselfish - but also sometimes very hard to separate your own emotions when you feel like you might lose her forever.

[Broken83]

It sounds like she has already changed and isn't the woman you met ... and it sounds like she's going through a lot of stress. From what you've said she broke up with you because the relationship was adding to her stress.

 

If you really do love her and want her back then what you need to do right now is make it all about her. Be there only for her support and don't talk about the relationship or your needs, talk to her about how the job is going and how she is finding the new town, if she would like you to visit and take her out to distract her from her problems - FOR HER not for your own purposes.

 

True love is unselfish - but also sometimes very hard to separate your own emotions when you feel like you might lose her forever.

 

The thing is that she DIDN'T go to this small town, she quit her job and now is looking for a new one... So I'm really confused, because her reasons for breaking up with me was the stress she was under due to her job and her grandmother's disease, as well as the lack of quality time with me, that led her to believe I was not interested... She quits her job, which potentially could help the situation in the relationship, to clear all misunderstandings between us, since we would have more time together, but the same day she quit her job, she dumped me....No warning, no nothing... I was the "love of her life" as she always said, and dumped me like I was a random guy that she met a week before, not giving a *** for my feelings.... Sometimes I hate her for that, but I know I love her every moment that goes by....