my mind is driving me crazy

[chewiepop]

I’m 19 years old and in an amazing relationship with an 18 year old guy and have been for 7 months now. Everything was perfect until about 2 months ago when certain feelings started haunting me. I now constantly worry that he finds other women attractive and that I am (or in future, will not be) not enough for him. I find it upsetting if he watches certain music videos on TV like the * * * * *cat dolls or anything else with scantily clad women in it. I find it majorly uncomfortable if we are walking down the street and a gorgeous girl walks past. If I’m not with him, it drives me crazy to think what he might be doing, it’s got to the point where I’m initiating sex with him everyday, even if I’m not necessarily in the mood, just so that he is relieved and doesn’t have the urge to pleasure himself using pornographic material after I have left. I know that he loves me and I trust him 100% when he says that he will never cheat on me with another woman, but I can’t trust his mind from wandering. I know that I am not extremely attractive, and it’s killing me to think that women other than myself are able to turn him on. We have talked about this, and he tries his best to reassure me but my feelings are still there. He says that if I ask him to give up using porn when I am not there, he will do so because he loves me, but I don’t have the courage to ask and deep down I think that he will resent me for it. It’s really depressing me and I just don’t know what to do about it.

[heavensent]

There is nothing wrong with asking him not to look at porn anymore..especially if he has already said he understands and is ok with not using it. Be open with him about your feelings and hopefully he will do some things to make you feel better about things I know exactly how you feel. However, I do find myself attractive but I am still intimidated by other girls that may have something I don't, like bigger boobs. I told my husband how I feel about him seeing other girls and he makes a very big effort like if a girl dressed scandalous comes on a tv commercial or something, he will look away from the tv and kiss me or something until it's off the tv. It's actually very comforting to me because I know that he doesn't care to see that stuff and he has proven it to me. Jealousy is a really hard thing to control, I still haven't figured it out...so if you do, be sure to let me know HOW!!

[dazedandconfusedbydestiny]

I wouldnt worry to much if thats all he is doing is looking. We werent given eyes so that we couldnt see. If thats all he is doing, then be greatful. I always said if they look let them, if they touch cut it off lol.

[amtjrtcet]

Oh honey, his mind is gonna wander. There's NOTHING you can do about it. You'll only drive yourself crazy, and possibly drive him away by being so insecure. Trust me sweetheart, he's 18, he's gonna want to pleasure himself, and you shouldn't feel like you have to have sex w/him just to keep him. Relax, real love shouldn't make you feel so insecure.

[walk_away]

I know exactly how you feel. I always worry about what my boyfriend is thinking when he sees someone i deem attractive. But if you think about it, has there ever been a guy that you've seen that you have thought was pretty cute? Sure, you may not have wanted to get in his pants or anything, just thought that he was pleasant to look at. I really don't think there's anything wrong with looking at other people, even though it is really hard not to let those feelings get to you. Trust me, it happens to me everyday. Unfortunately we live in a society where women will be exploited on TV and out on the street. Just try to remember that he loves you and most likely you are a real human being, not a fake bimbo walking down the street. At the end of the day, it really is what's inside that matters most. Good luck with this, I'm sure everything will be just fine!

[iheartmj10]

i feel like i wrote your post just weeks ago. i had the SAME feelings, only i was constantly bothering my bf about it and constantly having to be reassured on things. lets just say, that ISN"T the way to go. he just broke up with me last week (after FOUR years) and the reason was my jealousy/insecurity.

 

so PLEASE, please, trust your bf. if i could go back and do something different, that would be it. i know he would have NEVER cheated, and barley looked, but my insecurities got the best of me and now i have lost my bf and my best friend.

[gullible_soul]

Chewiepop, I know exactly how you feel! I'm 16, and my boyfriend is about to be 17, and I'm in a constant state of jealousy because he's been 100% honest with me... although we've only been together for 5 months, we're very serious, and he tells me every day how much he loves me and how he can't live without me and he'll never leave me..

 

...but he's admitted that he used to watch porn a lot before we met, and that he hasn't watched it since (and also drinking), and although that's really assuring to me that he cares for me, I still get doubtful when I sit in class around all the really pretty, really thin girls at school. I hate when I catch him watching videos like Rompe (Daddy Yankee) and Se Vale To-To(Calle 13) because the women in those videos are so sexy, dancing really suggestively with almost no clothes on.

 

He used to have a thing for this girl... she was in his classes last year, and is in 3 of his this year (and one of mine) and during that whole class, all I can think about is how much more attractive and beautiful she is than me.

 

Let me tell you: If you trust him 100%, then you wouldn't be jealous. Jealousy is the doubt that he loves you, and being jealous (or showing jealousy) just shows him that you're doubting his love.

 

Although I'm still jealous a lot (low self-esteem; what can I say?), I know that I love him and that he loves me. I try to not mention it because it bothers him, but it's still there.

 

Chewiepop, a little jealousy once in a while is normal, but when you get the feeling that you're becomnig too jealous, just tell yourself "Hey, self! I'm beautiful, he loves me, I love him, and that's all that matters. If he didn't think I was sexy, he wouldn't be with me!"

 

After all, you must be jealous because he's very attractive, and if he was so attractive, he could just have any girl that he wants.. so why would he be with you?

 

(I should take my own advice )

 

Good luck and take care!