Why is it so hard to meet someone nice?

[Kevin T]

No, keep being who you are.

 

Most of those "men" (I use the term loosely) are still boys who have not yet grown up. In time, as they get older and mature, they'll want to settle down.

 

I think there's a reason why most cultures have men a couple to a few years older than their brides (Psst... most men are immature. lol)

[Beyondthesea]

Sadly I know a lot of men who aren't looking for relationships but are looking for 'dates.'

 

Truly I would just stop looking so hard. Be on the lookout but don't rent the watch tower.

[tylercdurden2004]

No, keep being who you are.

 

Most of those "men" (I use the term loosely) are still boys who have not yet grown up. In time, as they get older and mature, they'll want to settle down.

 

I think there's a reason why most cultures have men a couple to a few years older than their brides (Psst... most men are immature. lol)

 

I totally disagree that its an issue of maturity. Many men and women for that matter do not want to be in a relationship for some reason or another. Maybe these men you are meeting are more concerned about their careers at this point, maybe its something else. If they are letting you know they dont want anything more than soem fun, repect that they are being honest with you and not trying to decieve you by playing at love to get sex.

 

You are right to question whether you are doing something "wrong". You mentioned that you are only attracted to taken men, why is that? Could you be afraid of commitment and the men you are approaching "smell" that fear and thus are not interested in getting invovled with someone who is reluctant to make a true commitment. Men are smarter than they are given credit in these situations. I cant really see that "taken" men are physically more attractive, its something that they give off that attracts you, how they carry themselves. Maybe you are attarcted to them because they are "taken" and are not a threat to you, maybe they seem more confident because they already have what they want and do not show you much interest in a long term relationship. Only you can answer this.

[Kevin T]

Well, if they can't commit, then they shouldn't date. My two cents. There's no point otherwise.

[skyblue1]

Thanks for your input guys! Let me ask you a question if a guy tells me his not ready for a relationship does this mean he after sex or shall i still date him? and maybe thinks might change or do you think it's a waste of my time? I've started dating this guy and his told me his not ready for a relationship which is fair enough. Don't know what to do!!!

[Kevin T]

Let me ask you: Do you want a relationship?

 

If so, I'd keep moving and not waste my time. You're just setting yourself up for a fall otherwise.

[skyblue1]

Yes i do want a relationship! How can i tell if he wants something more?

[Spugly Fuglet]

The moment you stop looking you will find.

[Kevin T]

I don't believe that personally. Doesn't make any sense. That's like saying, "I really want this, but I can't have it till I don't want it anymore"...? Bah. I believe more in "Seek and you will find."

 

Okay, if he says he doesn't want a relationship, then that is your answer. He's already made up his mind, so you have to respect his decision. That's why I said to move on.

[skyblue1]

i don't know what to do honestly! Guess the right man will come along when the time is right. Maybe i need to chill out and enjoy dating loads of men.

[tylercdurden2004]

i don't know what to do honestly! Guess the right man will come along when the time is right. Maybe i need to chill out and enjoy dating loads of men.

 

Yup! Go out with the intent of having fun and enjoying yourself and quit putting the pressure of finding the one on yourself. Dating can and should be fun so do the things you need to do that give you confidence around men and just go out and enjoy yourself and see that most men are not so scary!

[skyblue1]

Thanks for that tylercdurden2004! yep good idea! life is too short anyway.

[yeawutever]

If you're looking fro a relation, then the best thing you can do is stop looking for it. It comes naturally, to some people it atkes longer and to others it gets there earlier, time set is different. I was single for a while, until two days ago and let me tell you right now I feel weird, this surprise me, mainly cuz it's my first ever. So don't worry it'll come.

[BillyJean714]

How are you around other people? Are you mostly yourself?

 

Some people "try" to act hard not to be themselves in order to get other people to like them. That's the worst thing anyone can do the themselves.

 

Nice to you may not be so nice to another person. It's all subjective. Since we are all different, we all have different preferences and varying levels of intimacy with different people, find the person who is the 'right' person for you.

 

That's why all you need to do is to be true to yourself, always. Then everything else falls into place from there. Ever heard of following your heart? I'm not talking about getting all emotional, but doing things that you KNOW you enjoy doing and what your gut says is right (while weighing out the consequences). Naturally, when you follow your heart with things in life, you will be much MORE content with everything in your life. In turn, you attract the people who are MOST similar to you, because you BOTH find a genuine deep connection.

 

That's something to consider. Btw, I know some really good looking guys who have a really good heart. I also know guys who are good looking, but are the biggest jerks. Pay attention to the little things a guy says. See if he's consistent with his actions. Notice the subtlies in the way he treats others. It's the little things a person says or does that say a lot about who they are and what their intentions are.

[nikolean_2]

The moment you stop looking you will find.

 

I completely agree with this. I've spent the first two years of high school looking for a decent guy who would actually respect me, and none of those realationships were memoriable in a good way. I was cheated on and everything else, so I gave up on dating my junior year. I had every intention of not dating this year as well, but I ended up meeting the most incredible guy. I would suggest that you just be yourself, and enjoy what you have. Stop worrying about the "boys". The right guy will come along sooner or later and you'll know when he comes, trust me. Besides, why would you want to change anything about yourself just to impress someone? If they don't love and respect you for who you are, I honestly don't think that they are worth you're time. Don't conform to what others want you to be. Be yourself!!

-Nikolean

 

Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think that it does. Love is a battle, love is a war: love is growing up.

-James Baldwin

 

Love sought is good, but love unsought is better!

[skyblue1]

Thanks guys! I am always myself when i meet men. I would never put on an act just to impress. Just got back from a date and i think he wants a casual thing because his sleeping around with other girls too and i don't really want that! I didn't sleep with him though. I want something more and maybe i need to put my foot down and not take crap. I mean if your dating someone would you ask them what they are looking for or do you see how it goes?

[hosswhispra]

You could try praying to God to meet someone with similar goals, morals etc. And someone that you are attracted to. That's what I am doing.

[Kevin T]

Good plan. Just make sure you actually believe it will come to pass... otherwise it won't. (I speak from experience, ladies.) lol

[BillyJean714]

i think he wants a casual thing because his sleeping around with other girls too and i don't really want that!

If that's the case, be GLAD that you're not seeing him anymore. If I date a guy and know that he's been around, I would stay far far away from him. Think about it, the more partners a person sleeps with (including one-night stands, that's even WORSE), the higher the chances they have of contracting some kind of sexually related vinereal disease (STIs). Who knows how many partners their sexual partners slept with. It's litnerally exponential! For the sake of your health, physically and psychologically, I think you made the right choice.

 

I want something more and maybe i need to put my foot down and not take crap. I mean if your dating someone would you ask them what they are looking for or do you see how it goes?

I'd hang out just casually and see how it goes. I wouldn't outright ask them if they want something serious. It takes away from the fun of just getting to casually know someone. Instead, I would notice their intentions through their actions and how they treat me- if they're being genuine vs. someone who's a sweet talker. If a guy wants more out of a relationship, if he wants what you want, you would see that the relationship is not just one-sided. He shows that he really geuinely cares through his actions. That's how you know. A lot of the times, you also have to judge by intution and not let sweet talk sway you.

 

In fact, if someone really likes you for you, they also don't try hard to be someone they're not. That's just what I know from experience. They just are who they are. They treat you with honesty and respect.

[yeawutever]

You could try praying to God to meet someone. That's what I am doing.

 

This doesn't apply to everyone. I'm atheist here, don't believe in god nor have any religion and currently I'm in my first relation.

[hosswhispra]

This doesn't apply to everyone. I'm atheist here, don't believe in god nor have any religion and currently I'm in my first relation.

 

Congratulations on your new relationship

 

Yes, you're correct that this method does not apply to everyone. However, at my ripe ol' age of 31, one has to start thinking about different measures. In addition, my faith is the only thing that makes me keep on going in this valley of tears, called life.

[skyblue1]

Don't think i will be seeing that guy again even if his fit looking. No way!!!! Maybe i will try and pray to god and see how that goes. fingers cross for me guys! Billyjeans714 you make loads of sense and i will take it how is comes and maybe check out their reactions.

[Karibo]

I know exactly how you feel. I've been single for one and a half years and I have been on loads of dates which haven't amounted to anything. Some of the guys I didn't feel that 'chemistry' for, some were only after one thing, one guy said I was too good for him coz he suffered from depression and didn't want to make me unhappy, and recently, the other day the guy said that we just had different things going on in our lives!

 

It really is disheartening at times and can sometimes make you take it personally, but I believe in fate, so whatever hapeens happens! Whatever is meant to be will be.

[Spugly Fuglet]

Congratulations on your new relationship

 

Yes, you're correct that this method does not apply to everyone. However, at my ripe ol' age of 31, one has to start thinking about different measures. In addition, my faith is the only thing that makes me keep on going in this valley of tears, called life.

 

 

Me im into Toeisem (if I have to tell you would would not understand)

Some times even if God is not your thing its good to have a chat with him.

Becuse if your talking to your self they will lock you up.

 

And I ment my post stop looking, Give up, live life for youself and you just wait and see what happons next.

 

From an old soul

[bandit101079]

I know exactly how you feel. I came onto this site wanting to discuss the same thing you are discussing. When I was a little younger, I married a woman who I thought I loved but, later realized that I settled and in the end, I wound up in a very abusive relationship. Now that I am divorced and single again I have a very hard time finding women or even going up and talking to them. The women I do meet, tell me I'm too nice. I don't get that though, how can someone be too nice, but anyways, I am still a firm believer that there is someone out there for everyone, just be patient, like I am, and see what happens. Some ideas for you in the meantime, join a club/clubs that involve things that you enjoy. There you will meet people that have the same interests you do, and who knows, maybe you will find your "knight in shining armor".