Huge setback

[alonegirl]

I'm not sure where to begin I have just had a major setback and am so upset with myself, and so angry and hurt for still feeling this way. To make a long story short my ex and I were together for 4 years he started talking to a girl from his work and then broke up with me and she moved in less than 3 months after I moved out and less than a year later they are engaged. My ex and I have talked a couple of times mainly just about things that needed to be finalized. We never really talked about what happened with our relationship the few times we did he acted like he had done nothing wrong, lied about the fact that he knew her when we were together. A couple of weeks ago we finally finalized everything he came over to bring me my stuff and we somehow started talking about our relationship and I told him how bad he hurt me and from there the conversation just snowballed I started crying and I couldn't stop I had been holding these feelings in for 1 year and once they came out I couldn't shut myself up. At first he seemed to be happy to know that 1 year later I was still this upset I explained to him that he left the relationship way before I did so he got to express these feelings I never did. I could tell at first he was letting it all roll off his shoulders but then it must of caught him somewhere inside because he got teary eyed and grabbed me and hugged me and told me how sorry he was that he never meant to hurt me. This was so hard for me because since the day we broke up I have thought about us having this conversation and him grabbing me and wrapping his arms around me and me just balling in his arms and that's what was about to happen, so I pushed him off me.

 

I felt a lot better after our conversation I felt like there was some closure I realized that our relationship didn't mean nearly as much to him as it did me, he was over it so quickly. In the stuff of mine that he gave back to me there were some photo albums that we has a couple put together well a lot the pictures were of his family and his nephwes and such so I sent him a text asking him if he knew that these albums had some pictures that he would probably want back (his nephew baptism) he told me to keep what I want and throw the rest of it away so that's when I realized this is how he handled everything just threw everything away and pushed it out of his mind and got someone else to occupy his time I'm not that type of person I feel to much to do that.

 

Anyways a couple of days after that was the year anniversary of our breakup and I actually did pretty well I had just started to date this nice guy and we had our first kiss the night before so I had that as a distraction. However this guy that I am dating (taking very slowly) goes out of town a lot and I find that when he is out of town I seem to be double depressed, I start thinking about my ex and getting upset. Well today he found me on myspace, why he looked for me I have no idea and as much as I wanted not to go look at his page my curiousty got the best of me and I looked at it and I saw her for the first time and I saw other pictures of him and for some reason it hit me like a ton of bricks. Seeing his face to this day over 1 year later still makes my heart go in my stomach. I just feel like I have been kicked in the gut, he just looked so happy and even when I talked to him he acted like everything was great and I know not everything is great he lost his job, got his car repossessed and from what I hear he has gotten involved in drugs but accorindng to him his car getting repossessed was the best thing that ever could of happened because now he has more money so even when I try to think of stuff that should make go thank god I'm not with him anymore I have his reaction of everything's great. I have done much better things with my life since we broke up I got my own place for the first time I went back to school, I made new friends, I go to the gym, but really I don't know that it's done much for the inside of me. Now it is going to be so hard not to go on there and look at his page and his pictures I just want to cancel my account now. I just want to move away from here so I can push all of our memories away it was so easy for him to do and yet I can't stop thinking about us 1 year later. This for some reason has been such a big setback for me and I don't know why. I really just needed to vent.

[robowarrior]

You should never go into a relationship thinking it will work out just because it concerns 'your case' , reality is that a guy can pack his bags and leave any day. It definitly was a one sided love relationship in your case, you loved him and he didn't love you back. He had 'different' thoughts about the relationship (in a negative way) and had interests into other type of relationships/and or girls that looked more appealing to him. Im not justifying his behaviour but what can i say more then 'a man can change his thoughts?' , i mean maby its for the best that this happened before a marriage took place, and him leaving afterwards, that would have been even more devastating. I personally think that its the way it is, and you have to give yourself time to heal, pick up the pieces of your life , glue them back together and move on when your ready. You will always love him, that's normal but love is a two way road, and if he doesn't want to, well people have free will, then its time to let him go. Stop looking at his life, and remove him from your life all together, give yourself a new chance, and be more slowly and carefully before you open up your heart and expose it to the fullest to someone.