I feel like she hates me

[Massari]

our relationship is in its sixth week. as of yesterday I feel like she hates me. her exams are finished. we always say I love you before going to sleep or everytime we say goodbye. we talk on MSN usually. she was saying that today she is gonna go chill with her best friend and I said sounds good, have fun. the she goes its not as much .. cause you are not there. and then I say ok I can come if you want, then she goes well I am waiting for her best friend's call. then I say miss you sweetheart she replies miss u to .. the suddenly she goes like this " hun im gonna go, my mom asked me to go to the bank, i might go chill with mel after.. i will keep in touch with u muuah(kiss)

Then she goes offline. No I love you no I miss you .. nothing. What am I doing wrong here. Our relationship started very strong. In the first 2 weeks it felt like we have known each other for like 2 month, always told each other how we felt and how much we care about each other. 3 weeks ago we said I love you and indeed I am in love with this woman. She said she loves me too. But all of sudden I feel like I dun even know her anymore. It talks 10 min for her to answer me on MSN, it used to me more prompt. This is hurting me so much and as of the beginning of the relationship I was afraid this might happen. I feel like she suddenly stopped liking me. Should I tell her that I feel like this or just see how things will go? I put everything my heart for her told her how much she means to me and now she is talking advantage of it. One thing to mention she is very goal oriented and I am not and maybe she is starting to see that in me I dunno what the hell is the matter.. maybe this is not the reason maybe it is. I dunno. I know I can't go on like this yes its only 6 weeks now but it feels much more and I am attached to her very much . she even told me that she is getting attached to me. What do I do.. please I need help. I am crying and dying inside as we speak.....help

 

 

 

[the yang to the worlds yin]

maybe things are going too fast for her? or maybe that one time she was just in a rush and forgot to say it.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Whooa there.

 

You really havn't been with this girl very long at all, and it sounds like you are a little too all-consumed by her and your relationship..chill a bit, dude, you're six weeks in!!

 

From what she said, I dont think its a problem, she signed off affectionately, right? And all relationships ebb and flow a little bit, its unrealistic to be lovey dovey all the time, whether you are 6 weeks, 6 months, 6 years into it.

 

I just think you should be a little more relaxed around her - you love each other after only a few weeks? Well I guess thats great on one level, but its a lot of pressure on another. At this stage, I wouldnt aim to have a serious talk as its a bit pressuring. When shes online, talk to her, and if she doesnt answer a lot, just sign off and go do something else for awhile.

 

If you still get the impression a couple of weeks from now that she is cooling off towards you, THEN you might want to have a talk, but keep it fairly non-intense..something like *Hey, it seems like we dont talk as much anymore, are you still happy with Us?* and see what she says.

 

Sometimes people can be very intense early on, but then think they were too hasty, and so back off a bit. That may be what she is doing, although it doesnt mean she doesnt like you, just that she may be suited to a slower pace of relationship than you are.

 

Give it a bit more time.

[kellbell]

Woah wait, you two have been together for 6 weeks. That is not long at all. I would slow down a bit. When you move 110 miles an hour, you are going to crash into something....hard.

 

I am sure she had to do those things. Six weeks is hardly a time frame to know someone. A healthy relationship takes time to grow and both persons get to know one another every day. You need to build that friendship and trust foundation first and that takes time.

 

You two need your space and to continue to live your lives. A person should enhance your life not be the center of your life. You both are still in that infacuation stage. I would take things slower and REALLY get to know her. Test yourself, can you think of least 2 things about her that frustrate you or that you do not like? When was the last time she truly upset you? Do you put your needs last to keep her happy? If you are saying yes to that and can't think of things that bother you about her, then you are infactuated with her and really don't know her. You

may be projecting an image on her that may not exisit.

 

Take your time, enjoy getting to know her as she is. Take things day by day.

[Massari]

thank you all

 

 

well I dunno why I feel like this. she is my first gf. so maybe this is causing trouble for me rather then for her. I have told her that before that I haven't felt like this about anyone but her. she appreciated that. we never had any arguments. we get along really well and that sometimes scares us. she mentioned that a few times that this is too good to be true. a few days ago I realized I am the only one who always misses her and want her. its like i am not as important to her as she is to me. and that really hurts if that is the case. As a guy my friends tell me that I am way too emotional and that always hurt me as bad as possible. I am always the first who sets up a time and day to see her, maybe cause she thinks I have exams and I am busy I dunno, but I am studying and in my break I would I ways love to see her. she makes me happy . all I want is reassurance that she likes me and cares about me.

[iceberg21]

It sounds like you have a pretty great thing going. But, you're in danger of spoiling it. You're getting VERY emotional attached, which happens, no one can fault you for that. But you need to try and back it down a touch. Its hard, I know. But you're on the way to becoming very clingy, and nothing will destroy a relationship faster. So for your sake, you're going to need to address this and figure out a way to let her have her space. BTW, even if she doesn't say it EVERY TIME...she still loves you.

[kellbell]

"we never had any arguments."

 

A healthy relationship will have arguments and disagreements. If you never argue that means one of you or both of you are not voicing your needs and sacrificing how you really feel in order to keep the other happy. There is no communcation. This will destroy the relationship slowly. There is going to be pent of resentments on both sides. Agruements and disagreements promote communication and compromise....2 key elements for a fulfilling and healthy relationship.

 

"all I want is reassurance that she likes me and cares about me."

Try not to depend on her for validation and re-assurance. That should come from within.

[heloladies21]

You're probably paying her too much attention and affection. It's like having chocolate cake everyday, not very special, but every once in a while and it's a treat. So just back off on that a little.

 

And do what it takes to get over your insecurity of much she's interested in you because you don't want to show her this. It's a turn off.

[Massari]

so is that what is is? paying too much attention and being available? I thought I should do that since the beginning. but no I did what felt right and what my guts always told me to do/say. i.e. I miss you sweetheart. , love you soo much and she always told me how much she missed me. but it seems like it is not going that road anymore.. I thought she was different from all other girls that I dated, the ones who you should play games with their mind act busy.. and all that crap.. I guess she is just like the rest. she had told me she dated a lot of jerks and that she hated men and I changed all that and now look what happens. she found someone who loves her back and she throws it in his face. w t f is this?

[kellbell]

"paying too much attention and being available?"

 

You seem to making this girl the center of your life. That is not the way to go. You still need your own life and she needs hers. Your lives make up whom you are. There is such thing as paying too much attention. It gets old fast and then it is not appretiated as much in the long run. One gets used to it.

 

I would just cool it a little and really get to know her. For you to say she is just like the others is a bit premature. You don't even know her. From the tone of your posts it sounds like you are completely infacutated with her. That only lasts so long. You need to build that friendship and trust foundation in order to ease of out that phase of the relationship and move on to the next phase smoothly.

 

Some links on infacuation....

 

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[Massari]

wow .. amazing articles..

When infatuated, we are thrilled, but not happy, wanting to trust, yet suspicious. .. this is very much like how I feel. I do feel happy at times and its always until something else makes me wonder what is she up to .. or did I lose her.. but its not total infactuated its is love and incatuation mixed ..

[iceberg21]

so is that what is is? paying too much attention and being available? I thought I should do that since the beginning. but no I did what felt right and what my guts always told me to do/say. i.e. I miss you sweetheart. , love you soo much and she always told me how much she missed me. but it seems like it is not going that road anymore.. I thought she was different from all other girls that I dated, the ones who you should play games with their mind act busy.. and all that crap.. I guess she is just like the rest. she had told me she dated a lot of jerks and that she hated men and I changed all that and now look what happens. she found someone who loves her back and she throws it in his face. w t f is this?

 

 

99.9 % of the time, things will go down that road, when it starts out this way. All is not lost. You're going from one extreme to the other here, and its going to wreck you. You can't keep going from "We love eachother and everything is perfect" to "What if she doesn't feel the same?". Flip flopping back and forth is going to make you an emotional wreck. You're already coming apart at the seams here. Fact is, people do not like clinginess. It shows insecurity, neediness and all the things that turn women off. You can still turn this around. That said, you don't need to blow her off and disengage yourself from her. You just have to find the balance between being with her, and having your space. Somebody page Poco....he'll give you the best advice you'll get for free.

[kellbell]

"but its not total infactuated its is love and incatuation mixed .."

 

That is why you have to continue to get to know her and the true her. But try to slow down. When you rush...you can miss or overlook things....crucial things.

[Süsser Tod]

99.9 % of the time, things will go down that road, when it starts out this way. All is not lost. You're going from one extreme to the other here, and its going to wreck you. You can't keep going from "We love eachother and everything is perfect" to "What if she doesn't feel the same?". Flip flopping back and forth is going to make you an emotional wreck. You're already coming apart at the seams here.

 

I can back up iceberg21 on this one, I know it from personal experience. Nothing will wear you faster than jumping from happy to sad because of something she didn't said.

[Massari]

sent her a text ... just wanted to see if she would even bother replying.. it has been an hour and no replies yet,,, this was my text,"" hi sweetheart just wanted to let you know that I miss you. hope your having a great time with *her friend's name*. Love you baby . Kiss" and this shows either I shouldn't worry about it she will reply eventually or something is off with her.... I was debating that whether I should send this or not.. but I just had to.. probably not the smartest idea.. especially when you don't get an answer.. she is out I know but I mean this is called ignoring me right?

[kellbell]

Maximus,

 

You are on your way of pushing her away. True, maybe sending that text was not a good idea.

 

"I was debating that whether I should send this or not.. but I just had to.. probably not the smartest idea.. especially when you don't get an answer.. she is out I know but I mean this is called ignoring me right?"

 

"Infatuation lacks confidence about yourself and your partner."

 

"Infatuation might lead you to do things you will regret."

 

"Infatuation brings the feelings of jealousy and distrust."

 

I would cool it for awhile. Let her come to you. No more texting until she contacts you. You do not want to push her away.

[Dating Coach]

so is that what is is? paying too much attention and being available?

 

YES!

 

I mean, yeesh!

 

It's that, coming on too strong, too fast, and taking EVERYTHING she says at face value! Girls say a lot of things, but they aren't exactly what she means. For instance: She is hanging out with her friend, and she says that she will miss you. She didn't mean for you to come along, but Captain 110 MPH comes charging forward with "I'll go with you!" Yeesh! That's why she cut you off. You are taking everything she is saying at face value. You should have simply said (jokingly), "Yeah, I don't blame you. I am pretty irresistible." and left it at that.

 

Trust me, she is a big girl. She doesn't need you constantly at her side. Nor does she want you there. If you keep thinking that she is helpless or fragile, then you are going to be in for a rude awakening when you get dumped out of the blue.

 

Just relax. Get control of yourself. Slow down. Quit rushing to please her. If you look like you have no life outside of trying to make her happy then you will eventually lose her respect. You MUST have your own goals and ambitions, you must have your own life, and you must not always be there. Don't ignore your friends either. Keep making plans occasionally with them, without her. Don't just do it out of the blue, but let her know that you are wanting to hang out with the boys one night here and there. If she is mature, she will understand. If she gets flakey you need to tell her to relax, you're not a cheater and her acting like that is disrespectful. For a relationship to work, it must have respect. And if you are unable to stand up to her and risk her getting angry from time to time, then you will lose her respect. That is far more dangerous to the relationship than her getting angry here or there.

[Dating Coach]

sent her a text ... just wanted to see if she would even bother replying.. it has been an hour and no replies yet,,, this was my text,"" hi sweetheart just wanted to let you know that I miss you. hope your having a great time with *her friend's name*. Love you baby . Kiss" and this shows either I shouldn't worry about it she will reply eventually or something is off with her.... I was debating that whether I should send this or not.. but I just had to.. probably not the smartest idea.. especially when you don't get an answer.. she is out I know but I mean this is called ignoring me right?

 

UGH! This was far too much. Yeesh! Yes, this wiull end up chasing her away, because it will eventually wear on her nerves and become annoying to no end. Personally, i would be thinking, "OMG, get a life." It's just far too much. Relax. Slow down. You are being FAR TOO NEEDY and CLINGY. It reaks of desperation. Don't you have a life? Do you constantly need reassurance that she is still 100% interested in you? If so, you will do the exact opposite of what you want, and you WILL drive her away.

[neolithic]

i can tell you right now, no matter how much i liked a guy and was attracted to him.. if you did this stuff to me, i'd be turned off instantly. she KNOWS you miss her. she KNOWS you love her. back off a little! if you say have fun at the friends house on your IM, you don't need to say it again.

 

if you're going to text her, make it only every couple days, and say something witty or funny, or something that made you think of her. not like "i saw a baby and thought of you and all our possibilities." yuck! but maybe like "i saw the parking bumper thing you tripped over on our first date and it made me think of you. crazy girl!" or something like that. that would make me say "grrrrr.." whilst smiling. get it? you don't want to seem too available, like she's your only option..

 

because she isn't! ultimately. just back off. seriously. you're pushing her away full force right now. even over christmas break, when my boyfriend would call me in the morning, text me, call me at night.. just cuz we'd gotten extra close and he missed seeing me everyday.. i started getting irritated by the texts! just.. ration them out.

[Massari]

she tells me to hang out with the boys.. when I was free and she wan't.. I just missed when I did hang out with my boys.. I dunno.. I am thinking should I send a good night message ot F*** it.. NC for afew days. yesterday she said we should all hang out on Friday.. meaning me with her,, she had plans so we can go to salsa, Montreal, I said we can co to cottage at the end of the summer.. everything was perfect until yesterday afternoon. she had her last exam yesterday and I went to uni to see her afterwards, it was great. then I went home, she went home.. and things kinda cooled down.. she was telling me how her best friend missed her cuase she hasn't seen her in 6 weeks she had exams and whenever she hads time I took her out. she siad "I have to do alot for her to forgive me for not seen her in such a long time" now my question is that does that mean cutting off B/F out of her life ? or she just want to spend time with her firends and just don't think about me.? this is what is messing me up here, is this normal(the way she is reacting) ?

[heloladies21]

Dude, all this is normal. You need to stop being so sensitive and don't sweat stuff that has nothing to do with you. I know everybody's telling you to back way off, but this might be a mistake you have to fully make to learn from. Just realize that if she starts cooling off (which she would do normally anyways) it's because you're pressing her too much.

 

Don't do head games or tests like you're thinking, no No Contact or seeing if she'll contact you. Let her hang out with her friends. Play it straight for now.

[Massari]

Dude, all this is normal. You need to stop being so sensitive and don't sweat stuff that has nothing to do with you. I know everybody's telling you to back way off, but this might be a mistake you have to fully make to learn from. Just realize that if she starts cooling off (which she would do normally anyways) it's because you're pressing her too much.

 

Don't do head games or tests like you're thinking, no No Contact or seeing if she'll contact you. Let her hang out with her friends. Play it straight for now.

 

 

I cried 3 times today made me feel better but then still kinda sad and clueless as to what is going on here, its very new to me..

 

with everything been said now what do I do from tomorrow? our usual routine is as such.. I wake up at 10ish she does too.. usually one of us is online say good morning to each other and usually very warm. today was cold.. or as I though.. she usually starts by saying "Hi sweetheart, sweetie, sunshine" something like this. today was nothing .. just good morning... should I even bother going on MSN.one more thing,,, when she doesn't come online for whatever reason I usually sent her a text" good morning and wish her a great day something like that" I didn't think that that was bad cause she liked it (or I though she did) should just stop these routines? not go on MSN and wait, just do my work and hope that she'll send me something?. and if she doesn't which is very likely now (I am looking @ the worst case scenario that we might be breaking up) I sent her something by the night. what do I do? any help would be appreciated. When should I make plan to see her the next time? Should she initiate that? Today was Tuesday..

 

 

Any help would be appreciated…

[Momene]

I think you're being over-analytical and I can be guilty of the same thing. It's just small signs and when you hit the 6 month mark (or split if you don't), you'll see these issues as minor.

 

Take care.

[kellbell]

Maximus,

 

Just text her with something like, "Good morning hon, I hope you are having a wonderful morning. Talk to you later on." And that is it. Nothing too dramatic or lovey dovey. I would really try to stop over-analyizing everything, it is really going to drive you insane. Take slow and be cool my friend.

[Massari]

I think things aren't as bad as I thought they were. she apologized for kinda being unavailable yesterday and also apologized that she didn't text me cause her phone died. so I guess I am cool. I said I hope I can see you today if my studies let me .. she said I hope so too.