I feel betrayed

[dnl940]

My ex g/f called me today to wish me Happy Easter and to thank me for the Easter card which I sent to her. We have been broken up for about 2 weeks, and it was not a very amicable split. Anyway, we got to talking about how we were doing, etc. and she starts telling me that she is getting back together with her ex husband.

 

I was so angry to hear this. I told her that if that was what was going to make her happy then I supported her, but I feel like she is just lonely and that is why she is doing it. He had constantly called and emailed her while she and I were going out trying to get her back. He even did some things that were just plain crazy, and yet she is going to get back together with him. She is also pregnant with my child due in about 5 months, and he doesnt like me because he thinks it's my fault that they couldnt work out their divorce in the first place.

 

I am so angry with her. I feel like she has betrayed me, and just totally went against everything she has ever told me. She always said that she could never get back together with him because of the way he treated her, emotionally and even once physically abusive, and that she was not attracted to him anymore whatsoever. I just want to call and scream at her, but I know that would be horrible. I want her to feel like I'm supportive of her, but I also want to tell her that I think she is only doing this because she is lonely, but she of course wouldnt listen to me about that. I don't know if I should send her and email or something trying to tell her this or not? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks

[fishrrshortae]

Honestly, do you want to keep going in circles with her? It sounds as if her mind is made up whether you like it or not.

Are you positive it is your child she is pregnant with? If you are, you should strongly consider consulting an attorney NOW. The reason being that if her husband signs the birth certificate as the father, you could have hell to pay to try to see your child. If you want to be the child's father, I strongly suggest you take the initiative on that one.

 

Why should you be obligated to be "supportive of her" while she's acting like that AND carrying your child?? I would be mad as hell and the faster you feel the anger, the sooner you will get over this.

[puppy]

hi

 

It is a difficult position you are currently in, given she is having your baby. I would suggest that you move on and ONLY provide that responsibility for the child.

 

Good luck,

 

Woof Woof

[dnl940]

Yes it is my child, and yes I am extremely angry. I feel physically sick. There were so many things he did to try and break us up, or make us argue and she always so those things for what they were, so I can't understand what would make her want him back. And I am so concerned that this will effect the amount of time I am able to spend with this child after he is born. I already have 3 children, and was very excited about the 4th. I love my children, and my relationship with them is extemely important to me. This one will be no different in that aspect. But I have just totally lost respect for her, and right now I can't tell if my concerns for my relationship with this child are coming from my anger or if this should be a real concern. Wow, I just can't believe how angry I am right now.

[heloladies21]

Why would you support her decision? No need to be in her corner on this. She's obviously screwing up her life, but it's her life to screw up.

 

Being angry is normal, it's a good thing and you should feel this way. The most important thing to remember is not to externalize your anger in any way that she can see.

 

Don't send her any emails, do not give her advice. Your looking out for #1 right now and all you should be concerned with is seeing your kid on the way as much as possible.

[GottaLetItBurn]

I was going to write that I know exactly where you are coming from. In fact I just made a thread minutes before coming accross this thread.

 

I know I feel sick anytime I see a picture or hear about the girl I wanted back with her ex. My anger is so much that my eyes water and I don't know if I'm going to cry or pick up the phone and tell her what goes around comes around and I hope her relationship fails miserably.

 

You have to ask yourself some questions though. Is it worst it to tell her how you feel? Will it change anything? I find myself realizing I just don't have that much hate in me, and it makes me feel bad that I can hate someone I use to adore so much.

 

It's so horrible to betrayed by someone I would take a bullet for. You just got take it to heart, and hope that you can heal from it. I wish there was so magic drink I could invent to make all the pain go away. I would package it and pay to ship it to you. Just give yourself time to think about things and try to be there for you kid.

 

I hope you find someone way better. Try to be smart about the way you react to her. Sometimes I'm so glad I never confronted her about why she blew me off to go back to her ex. I know it would just be a waste of time.

 

Focus on healing right now.

[dnl940]

I just don't know how to go about healing right now. I am so very angry. I am so very hurt. I just don't understand how she could make a decision like this so soon after we broke up. And she knows that this decision will affect my relationship with the baby after he is born. Her ex husband will do anything to keep me away from them. I know that I can get legal help for this, but that doesn't erase the facts of this situation. How could she be so selfish?

[dnl940]

It makes me question so many things about our relationship. It also makes me question things that she has said about the future pertaining to our child that is to be born in September. It just makes me so angry and confused. After 2 failed relationships in the past year or so (married for 11 years and divorced, and then with this one for 9 months) I'm not sure I'll ever be able to trust someome again.

[dnl940]

Another thing that I don't understand... I was married for over 11 years, had 3 children with ex wife, she had an affair, we got divorced. I was angry, hurt, etc. But not to the extent that I am feeling now. I feel like my ex g/f and I were connected on a much deeper level than my ex wife and I were. My ex g/f and I were only together for about 9 months, and we went through a lot together. Why does this one hurt so much more than did the 11 years with my ex wife?

[dnl940]

My ex g/f called me last night to discuss another baby name. She was acting like nothing has happened and that made me even more angry. I spoke with her about the subject but i was really not very happy to be talking with her. She kept asking me what was wrong. I resisted the urge to reply. But how could she honestly ask that question. She knows what is wrong. I don't understand how she could be so cruel. Wanting me to tell her how hurt and angry and empty i feel. Would this make her feel better to hear these things? I feel like I am spiraling downward at an unbelievable pace. It hurts more today than ever. I am just disgusted at the cruelty she is displaying. She even ended the conversation by saying, let me know how you are doing because you know I still love you. Well if that were really the case then she wouldn't be doing these things in the first place.

[heloladies21]

Sounds like it would be a good time to cut contact for a while so you can let your emotions cool down. It's just gonna keep coming accross in a bad way to her and that will just dig the hole deeper.

[Spawn]

dnl as helo suggested, cut all contact with your ex. Stick with strict NC( No contact). Your emotions otherwise are bound to go thru all these roller coaster drives. Initially it will be very difficult but atleast NC will help you look back on the relationship in a better perspective. You need to heal and all this contact with your ex is playin with your mind, heart and your self esteem.

 

My ex (who couldn't get over her ex, even though he didn't treat her that good when they were together, they are back together now) started doing the friends thing just one month after the breakup, its just that they don't understand breakups can be very hard on people and they do really act selfish by keeping the low contact. I had to to be harsh and tell her to stop all contact from her side.

 

take care man.....

[dnl940]

I'm not sure how to go no contact right now... she is pregnant with my child. How much is too much? What is not enough? What if something happens? It's so confusing. I did the low contact thing with my ex wife, though we had to keep in touch because we had 3 children together, but with visitation it was much easier because I get to hear about all the things my kids are doing from them, and not have to rely on the ex wife to keep me informed. In this situation I feel like I have to rely on the ex g/f to keep me informed because the baby is not born yet and she has doctor appointments etc. Where do I draw the line?

[Spawn]

oh....sorry man, i completely forgot that she is pregnant with your child. That must be a weird situation to be in then. I am sorry you are going thru this.

 

have you contacted a lawyer yet? Its gonna be a real hard time for ya man, i can understand. Hang in there.

[dnl940]

I briefly discussed it with the attorney that handled my divorce case. Basically we're just waiting to see if things can be handled between my ex and me. We've still got 5 months before baby is born. Not much I can really do at this point from a legal standpoint other than acknowledge that it is my baby. Can't do anything at this point as far as visitation or child support. Hopefully we can work through everything during the summer. In these cases, basically the courts will want she and I to handle things ourselves if possible and then present our agreements to a judge for review. Which would be fine by me because my divorce was extremely expensive and the less money I have to give to an attorney the better. Also, it will seem much more consenting if we can come to an agreement ourselves. She called again this afternoon and left me a message to find out how I was doing, but fortunately I was busy and was unable to answer the phone. Not sure if I'm going to call her back today, probably not. She has a doctor appt on Friday, so I'll probably wait until then to talk with her, and hopefully my anger will subside some by then, though I know the hurt and emptiness will still be there. It's going to be tough knowing that she's going to the doctor without me. This will be the first doctor appointment that I will not have attended with her through the pregnancy. I'm not sure how I'll handle that. And if I find out that she is taking her ex husband with her, I may just totally flip out.

[dnl940]

I broke down last night and sent her an email. Then she called me and we had a decent discussion but no progress. She is still pursuing things with her ex husband, to which I for the most part kept my emotions in check. I did question her about not being honest with me, and all she could say was that she was sorry. It's crazy but after reading so many posts on here about no contact/ low contact I don't know why I thought that my situation would be different. But it all comes down just like the posts say, I feel worse today than I did yesterday, even though I stayed strong through the conversation. And again I'm back to square one. I still feel betrayed by her and I'm still very angry and hurt, and now I really don't know how to go forward.