She is back

[Rev_21]

After 2 months of no contact my ex is back, my story is like this:

 

My girlfriend dumped me because she was scared and did not want a relationship, but still wanted to be friends. I told her that if i was not good enough to be her boyfriend then there is no way we could be friends. So from that point on i didnt make any contact with her whatsoever.

 

Then about a month and a half later my friends and I went to a local bar and my ex was there. I didn't even acknowledge that she was there, pretty much acted like she was a stranger. ALso she saw me hitting on another girl, and getting her phone number. That night after the bar I got a phone call from my ex saying that I could call her anytime, my reply was ill keep that in mind.

 

Then the next weekend I saw her again when she was with all of her friends, i was really drunk and having the time of my life and again didnt say hi to her. Later on that night she did a walk by with one of her friends and gave me a wave, I just waved back.

 

Now two weeks later after not calling her, her friend that she was with that night gives me a call and askes me if i am over my ex or just playing hard to get, I reply by asking why my ex couldnt call me and ask me herself. But her friend says that she is too shy (by the way my ex is the shyest girl I have ever met), so to cut to the chase I met up with them that night and me and my ex went for a drive.

 

She told me that she really misses me and that she is sorry for what she did to me. Also she said that she knows that she doesnt deserve anything. Then i asked her what her deal was, and she said that she was afraid of commitment at the time, but then from the time we were apart she relized that she would never find a guy that would treat her so good. And that she would understand if i wanted nothing to do with her. I told her that right now isnt a good time for me to be thinking about this because I am in the middle of exams and need to concentrate on them. So she told me to give her a call when they are done, and that she really wants a second chance.

[Beyondthesea]

Personally I think it's just because she sees you out getting other chick's phone numbers. It's jealousy.

 

If the relationship ended that long ago and you hadn't gotten back together, I would leave it at that. Don't dig up old bones unless you're willing to bury them all over again.

[annie24]

WOW!

 

There is something about that "2 month mark." That's how long it takes for a lot of people to start really getting over their ex, and it's also how long it takes for some exes to come back and say that they made a huge mistake.

 

Well, first thing's first - finish your exams, don't worry too much about her right now.

 

Next, do you want her back??? Why would things be different this time around than last time? What has she done to improve herself in the meantime? why is she suddenly ready for a relationship.

 

while you may be anxious to get back with your ex, try to be objective - would you two really be a good match this time around? or would it just fall apart again?

 

My ex and I broke up about 6 weeks ago. I have a very strong feeling that he will ask for me back, between the 2-4 month mark. I'm not waiting around for him - I am moving on, dating, not even thinking about him as often... but I still have a very strong feeling he will be back. hmmm...

[RandomAdvisor]

Yeah, I agree with Beyondthesea. Another thing I don't like is your ex's self esteem. Someone who says "I don't deserve anything" isn't the type of person I'd want to get into a relationship with.

[annie24]

Yeah, I don't like that "I don't deserve anything" attitude either.

 

However, some people have had good experiences with getting back together. DN for example. His ex broke up with him, but then got back together with him, and they have been happily married for 31 years now.

 

But, long distance was the factor that caused them to break up in the first place, but then she decided she did want to be with him afterall (after she moved). She moved back.

 

So, it depends on the situation, and the reasons for the initial breakup.

[NewPhillyGuy]

I just want to say good for you dude. Sounds like that girl layed you to waste, and you went out, did your thing, and you are focused on your school work. Way to go, bro! Seems to me like she's really immature, to be honest with you. All of a sudden she's not afraid of committment anymore? I don't think so...I'm thinking she just misses having someone around, but what's the point if she's not going to commit? I bet if you let her hang for a while, you'd see her true colors and she'd jump at the next guy who gives her attention.

 

You sound like you really have your ish together, man. Don't waste your time on girls like this. Go out there and find somebody, honest, mature, who's actually deserving of you. Believe it or not - there are PLENTY of girls out there who don't act 12 like this one.

[RandomAdvisor]

However, some people have had good experiences with getting back together. DN for example.

 

Isn't Hope75 another one?

 

Yeah, it does depend on the circumstances. As for the OP, he'd know his ex better than anyone posting here would. But from what he's said, she doesn't sound like a keeper.

[annie24]

Yup, hope and her ex also got back together. They definitely talked through their issues and talked about what caused them to break up in the first place...

[DN]

I read "I don't deserve anything" as recognition of the fact that she hurt you by breaking up with you not a confession of a self-esteem issue. If that is so I think she is to be commended for realising that she hurt you and that she doesn't have the right to expect you to take her back but that she just hopes you will.

 

Although seeing you with other women may have made her jealous it may have been that the jealousy was the catalyst that made her realise that she made a mistake. Jealousy can be a positve emotion in cases like this as much as a negative one.

 

Another success story of someone whose ex came back and things worked out for them is Mentor.

 

As Annie asked - do you want her back?

[bobo85]

Think about it...is 2 months really a long enough time for your ex to realize what she REALLY wants. Women tend to act with their emotions. Jealousy plus missing you made her come running back to you...but for how long until she gets scared again and break your heart again?

 

Be sure that the reward is worth the risk? Often time....it is but it really depends if you want to take that risk.

[heloladies21]

You've handled everything great so far and now everything is in your control. Take your time and think it over though, because if she'll just get up and leave you like she did, there's always the possibility that she'll do it again.

[zara]

i totally agree with DN. she doesnt have self esteem issues from that statement she just knows she made a mistake and is telling u. she is literally putting the ball in ur court because she cares. now it really is up to you. if u feel u can put the past behind u and totallly forgive her and yourself for mistakes u made in the past and give it another shot, then GO for it. and it can really work. but if u r not sure or u dont think u can care that much, then dont jump into anything. becaus im sure this time she would put more effort and thought into ur relationship and its not fair to make someone hope and care for a future with u if u arent in it for sure.

 

u need time to think, and reflect. and FOCUS on ur exams. from a fellow exam taker of course. who is utterly distracted at the moment by this forum. hehe

[GottaLetItBurn]

From reading your post I think your a real smart guy. I wish I had as much under control as you.

 

Sounds like you have her under your thumb, now use all five fingers.