Why do I like being the other girl?

[aj_palm_trees]

Just wondering if anyone here was the other person and found it cool. I'm the other girl and seriously, to tell you the truth I have no remorse over it, no such regret. I mean, it'd not like I have sex with them, now that would be disgusting, scewing someone you just want to fun with and have no deep connection. It never goes further cuddling and making out. tomorrow I'm go date two of my best friends's b/f. I may be kinda wild, but at least I'm virgin.

This is the reason why I cannot be in a commited relation yet, if I was, I know very well that right away, I'll end up making out with another guy and prollie won't care that much. So, no I'mm stay single for a while, agh, don't feel like dealing with troubles. I heard there were trust issues afterwards and losing privacy, arg, too much of a headache. If I had a relation, I would tell him that if he wants to then it'll be open, if not then bye.

Often worry if it's normal feeling good about being the other person and having fun. I try doing other things, but it's no fun comparing to dating taken guys. And yes, one of my best found out once, and guess what she took him back, lol. That dude's been ignoring me since, in fact was mad at me, lol, oh well, it was fun with him until it lasted, haven't talk to my friend since and don't really care.

I feel like I have nothing more fun to do than dating the taken guys, if I ever get this out of my system, then I'll be ready for a relation, but until then, no.

I'm I shallow, self-center, etc. I'm assuming all ya gonna say those things. Guess wut, I don't care about your damn comments!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At least I got self-esteem and confidence.

[OceanEyes]

Guess wut, I don't care about your damn comments!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At least I got self-esteem and confidence.

 

Why even bother posting then?

 

If you had true self-esteem and self-confidence, you wouldn't feel the need to start topics like this.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Well . . you are a terrible friend to do that to your friends if nothing else.

 

I did all those kind of things once. It really came back to hit me in the face.

 

From experience - you are ultimately just going to hurt yourself. I really do wish you luck.

[Scotcha]

You sound like a terrible friend. You also sound like you don't have a whole lot going for you as you mention that you feel you have nothing more fun to do than date taken guys. Get a hobby. Learn some respect. Perhaps you don't have self esteem and confidence. Why else would you be compelled to go after your friends' boyfriends? To prove that you're somehow "better".

[RandomAdvisor]

At least I got self-esteem and confidence.

 

If you really had self esteem you wouldn't need to mess around with other girls BF's to try and make yourself feel better than them.

[xmrth]

If you didn't do this, you wouldn't have any self esteem at all. It doesn't GIVE people self esteem, but that's just where you're getting yours from. It's probably the only reason why you feel the need to do it.

 

What about when you are ready to settle down? What if you finally find that perfect guy, and though no, maybe they aren't worth it if they are going to cheat, but what if some girl comes along, and warps your guy's brain so badly and just has her way with him?

 

People do find these things out, and people do talk. Even if you're not having sex, you will quite possibly be branded horrible names, and nobody will know you for anything else your whole entire life. It will just come back to you. You could lose friends over it, "that's the girl who took so-and-so's boyfriend" and this and that, "they had sex, she did this" even if it didn't really go that far, or even to future lovers.

 

You could put yourself in potentially bad situations since you're just wanting the fun of it-- you're probably not paying attention to the danger signs (like if the person is nuts, so what if they have a girlfriend already) because you don't care about looking deep into someone for that kind of connection.

[bobo85]

Sorry but it sounds to me like you have a lot of growing up to do. I know girls want what they can't have, but you are going way overboard with dating your best friend's man. Would you like your best friends to do the same thing?

 

Best thing for you to do is to not worry about dating at all. Learn to love yourself and respect yourself. After that, then you can think about dating SINGLE men. And hopefully you can fall in love and start a family.

 

good luck !

[heavensent]

lol I think you are LACKING self-esteem and confidence and that's why you do these horrible things. All you are is degrading yourself. It's pretty sad actually and I feel sorry for the people who are stupid enough to get involved with you. No one deserves to be betrayed that way and you have a lot of bad karma coming your way..but I think you deserve every bit of it. It's almost funny ready your post because you are sooo pathetic but think you are so fabulous lol..you're only fooling yourself sweetheart!

[amtjrtcet]

I THINK IF I WAS YOUR BEST FRIENDS I'D GIVE YOU A GOOD A** KICKING! You will learn once you GROW UP that the way you are acting is not what constitues high self-esteem or confidence. The way you are acting will cause guys to have NO RESPECT for you b/c you have no respect for yourself, plus I don't see you having many friends for very long.

 

Grow up honey.

[Cyberchick]

You think it's cool to be the other woman now, but trust me, you will feel bad about yourself somewhere down the line. I was the other woman at one point and at the time, it was exciting. But I was also in alot of pain. I regret it now becuause a) it has totally messed up my idea of healthy intimacy, which has an effect on my current relationship and b) if the OTHER woman ever found out, I'm sure it would destroy her. I can't take what I did back but I have made the choice to NEVER do that again. And if I knew how to contact the other woman, I would sincerely apologize to her.

 

It is a horrible thing you are doing ( though the bf is just as bad, if not worse, since he's the one with the committment to your friend ). Maybe you think it's cool because the media tends to glamourize affairs.

 

You should stop this.

[theantibarbie23]

Engaging in this behavior and thinking you have self-esteem and confidence is totally off base. As a matter of fact, I've never met ANYONE who engaged in this sort of behavior who's self-esteem wasn't in the toilet. Anyone with integrity and self-respect doesn't feel the need to prove themselves an attractive or worthwhile woman by acting out sexually with other people's boyfriends.

 

You try to play this off as though you are doing something empowering. The sad truth is that this is as far from empowering as you can get. You are degrading yourself in one of the worst ways possible. I really hope you turn your life around soon because every day that you continue on like this, you are only dragging yourself down further.

[doyathink]

Well, it seems as though you have already planned out your future. WHAT COMES AROUND, GOES AROUND!!! Hope you are very happy now cause your future will be full of this coming back at ya. Wait till your so in love with a man and he finds your best friend so exciting that he can't resist her.LOL

[yeawutever]

Not to be mean, but some day you will fall in love, they're humans. And don't think you would appreciate your man being taken in another girl's arm, it would hurt you. It is true, "what goes around comes around". Hope you don't get hurt in the process because it does seem to happen to people who lack maturity.

[RayKay]

You know, just because you are a virgin and not sleeping with them does not make it "alright" or make you a good person for engaging in these behaviours.

 

It is still sneaky, disrespectful and yes as others have pointed out it indicates a LACK of self esteem and confidence. Your self esteem is artificial - hinging on how you can hurt others.

 

What goes around comes around though, things get out even if you hide them. What happens when one day you DO fall for someone, and another girl comes around with your present attitude and "takes him". What happens when he finds out this is your past - and is immediately turned off by it and not interested? Trust issues are not inherent in a relationship, but they certainly can be caused by the actions of a partner.

 

I agree with antibarbie - you are coming off as thinking that this is empowering behaviour, but it is the exact opposite. It's degrading to yourself and others.

[madahari]

Ive been the other girl before, and I am again. You may not feel bad now, but it really does screw with your ability to form relationships. It gets easier every time, and thats when u lose that "self-esteem" and realize its not worth it to date someone who has no intentions of making u theirs. Casual dating is great, but when you want to settle down, you will begin to see "the other girl" in every female around your man. You will lose your sense of faith in others, because you would be heartbroken if someone took your man out. I have no room to condem, Im just tellin you the way things progress. It hurts, and you may not even know you are the other girl after a while. You stop looking for signs. I have dated a married man, and didnt know it. I have dated guys that were in "commited" relationships and not noticed hair clips and female sanitary items in the cabinets. I let myself believe that they were single because I never saw the girl. Then it blew up, everytime. Its not worth it. And dont try to form a relationship with the one you stole, they will cheat on you too, and you will have no room to complain or condem because thats how you got them. I wish I could break out of the cycle, but its hard, when you find one that is "perfect" for you. If nothing else, and I know this advice will be looked down upon by everyone, but dont touch your friends men. There are levels of off-limits, and that catagory will hurt everyone and cost you more than you can imagine WHEN, not IF, you get caught.

[Hope75]

It's really sad that you think that getting used by a guy who has a girlfriend and doesn't think you are worth commiting to gives you self esteem and confidence.

 

Most girls that I know would never settle for being second best or a trick on the side to some guy when after they use you they go home to their girlfriends. Most girls I know wouldn't mess with losers who think it's OK to cheat on their girlfriends, especially when their girlfriends are supposed to be your best friend.

 

But then- you are NOT a friend to the girl who's boyfriend you are messing with.