So called "Nice Guy" Syndrome

[heythere1234]

On the "NiceGuy" issue, I love men who are sweet to me. I'm tired of hearing guys proclaim themselves as "Nice Guys", and saying things obviously designed to manipulate sympathy, like..."I guess Nice Guys always finish last..." (puke). First of all, isn't that a little bit of a self congratulatory thing to say? Please read on.

 

My mother and I share a theory on the whole "NICE GUY" issue. (This isn't directed to anyone of you necessarily, but you may want to keep this in mind when you do hear a guy complain that he's "Too nice..."). When a woman doesn't like a man (regardless of the reason, he's too ugly, old, fat, mean, whatever), she wants to make him go away (ASAP), but doesn't want to make him angry in case he turns into a crazy stalker. So she tries to soften the blow by saying (you guessed it!) "You're a nice guy, but...". Look, maybe the guy is really a bitter angry creep, and not a nice guy at all. But she's not going to tell him so, because of her aforementioned fear of him turning into a crazy angry bitter stalker. So, fellas, if you're one who's been told "you're nice, but..." A LOT, you should stop complaining that women don't like nice guys, because I can assure you that we in fact do! The reality is probably that you are NOT nice.

[tylercdurden2004]

On the "NiceGuy" issue, I love men who are sweet to me. I'm tired of hearing guys proclaim themselves as "Nice Guys", and saying things obviously designed to manipulate sympathy, like..."I guess Nice Guys always finish last..." (puke). First of all, isn't that a little bit of a self congratulatory thing to say? Please read on.

 

Now before I say anything I want to assure you I am not a nice guy.(Wasnt that nice of me). I find the whole nice guy thing disrespectful to say the least. Its disrespectful when "nice" guys imply other guys are a-holes when they may or may not be. Its disrespectful to society at large to assume some sort of altruistic stance over everybody else. And lastly I find it disrespectful to women because what I see is nice guys expect women to like them, because, well they are nice. I mean Jeebus-H do you choose your friends because they are "nice". No I assume you choose them because of a variety reasons. And yes occasionally I feel like puking too. Thanks for your honesty heythere.

[heythere1234]

Now before I say anything I want to assure you I am not a nice guy.(Wasnt that nice of me). I find the whole nice guy thing disrespectful to say the least. Its disrespectful when "nice" guys imply other guys are a-holes when they may or may not be. Its disrespectful to society at large to assume some sort of altruistic stance over everybody else. And lastly I find it disrespectful to women because what I see is nice guys expect women to like them, because, well they are nice. I mean Jeebus-H do you choose your friends because they are "nice". No I assume you choose them because of a variety reasons. And yes occasionally I feel like puking too. Thanks for your honesty heythere.

 

lol! THANK YOU! I completely agree with your perspectives and you added a couple of other perspectives as well. It is so true what you said about it being insulting to women, etc. Thanks, I'm glad to know not all men subscribe to this type of head-in-the-sand nonsense.

[itsallgrand]

When a guy starts on the "I guess nice guys (like me) always finish last..." routine, I immedietly think "Here is a mark if I ever saw one".

 

I don't really see it as disrespectful so much as self indulgent. Someone didn't like them for some reason, and instead of facing it, they create a justification to not change.

 

Anyone stuck in such a rut is destined to get used or hurt. It's sometimes sad, sometimes frustrating.

 

By the way, your mom and yours theory gave me a good smile. Thanks

[heythere1234]

Absolutely, itsallgrand, you're smart to see it! and yes, it's kind of sad that they're unwilling to look at what's really going on.

[tylercdurden2004]

lol! THANK YOU! I completely agree with your perspectives and you added a couple of other perspectives as well. It is so true what you said about it being insulting to women, etc. Thanks, I'm glad to know not all men subscribe to this type of head-in-the-sand nonsense.

 

Well heres a little secret, all of us men go through this stage at some point, and at some point ya get a little cluey to the feminine wyles. You mature , and for each man its different, you understand there is a difference between a NICE GUY, GENTLEMAN, and A-HOLE. In the middle is...BINGO the balancing point called being a gentleman. Maybe you have to sway like a rocking boat between the two extremes but at some point it becomes all smooth sailing...Well of course you still have to maintain, you know, keep the sails pointing in the right direction, check the direction of the boat, etc All to keep yourself on course.

[heythere1234]

"You mature , and for each man its different, you understand there is a difference between a NICE GUY, GENTLEMAN, and A-HOLE. In the middle is...BINGO the balancing point called being a gentleman."

 

You said it tyler..WELL SAID!

[tylercdurden2004]

"You mature , and for each man its different, you understand there is a difference between a NICE GUY, GENTLEMAN, and A-HOLE. In the middle is...BINGO the balancing point called being a gentleman."

 

You said it tyler..WELL SAID!

 

Now to get this dating thing perfected you have to work on the female side of the equation!

[heythere1234]

And just what is that supposed to mean??? (lol)

[monsieur]

this thread proved something to me, first off the thread starter says that the guys that women tell are nice guys, are not actually nice, but potential stalkers that the women are scared of so let down with a compliment

 

then the same thread starter ends up later saying that actual nice guys suck (not in exact words but by saying that guys that are not truly nice guys but in between aholes and nice are better)

 

so it was all a smokescreen

 

the fact remains that women don't like the nice guys, and they get what they deserve because of it

[monsieur]

I'm a nice guy. I know I am. I get crapped on all the time. I get used. I always finish last. Women find me boring. I don't wish to add a bit more ahole to my repertoire to find this stupid balancing act you speak of.

[heythere1234]

"the fact remains that women don't like the nice guys, and they get what they deserve because of it"

 

No, that's not true, you are grasping at straws, to remain in your rut. Tyler's comment was pretty general. I agree a lot of women don't like when a guy is phoney-nice or phsycho-clingy nice, but once again, I assure you nice is a GOOD thing.

[tylercdurden2004]

Someone didn't like them for some reason, and instead of facing it, they create a justification to not change.

 

 

Well you see this is the female side of it. Instead of lying to a guy be honest, we can take it much better than you think. When you dump say "cause i dont think you are good looking", "your too small", "you smell like smelly french cheese", instead of saying your too nice for me or your nice but...... Good luck girls I think you are gonna need it.

[Heretic]

Well I agree with you to some extent it's not really true.

 

Nice guys don't finish last (I'm an example of that) but what has to be understood is it's not the fact they are or aren't nice it's their outlook on life and their disposition.

 

Honestly who wants to be around someone CONSTANTLY judging themselves. A little self-confidence goes a long way. You'll have trouble convincing someone to like you if you don't even like yourself. Think about it.

 

What's really important is for a nice guy to have a good attitude. Even a mean guy needs that. If your outlook is positive people can tell you don't need to tell people how big of a stud you are if you really feel like it (No I'm not a stud, don't need to be neither).

 

Optimism is an aphrodisiac. Remember that.

[heythere1234]

I'm a nice guy. I know I am. I get crapped on all the time. I get used. I always finish last. Women find me boring. I don't wish to add a bit more ahole to my repertoire to find this stupid balancing act you speak of.

 

No you should not add a hole! If I agreed to that then I hearby take it back!! OK?? Stay nice, just maybe have more a centered sense of self(?) I don't know you, so I can't say. But DON'T go to 'self-centered'-get it? I DO NOT like guys who give me that act, I will lose interest and respect in them real quick! If they like me they should act like it. Sorry I know that may be confusing, but you have to work it out!

[itsallgrand]

Tyler, would you explain your post for me please?

 

I get the feeling I am receiving emotion that is not really for me. Because you don't know how I as a person deal with things.

[tylercdurden2004]

"the fact remains that women don't like the nice guys, and they get what they deserve because of it"

 

No, that's not true, you are grasping at straws, to remain in your rut. Tyler's comment was pretty general. I agree a lot of women don't like when a guy is phoney-nice or phsycho-clingy nice, but once again, I assure you nice is a GOOD thing.

 

Okay I am going to end this right here before it turns in to another endless cirle debate as other threads. Monsieur what you consider nice is actually seen as spineless by women whether they admit it or not. You suckhole around and feel sorry for yourself and instead of being a man and admitting maybe you are wrong you deny deny deny to keep grip of the little bit of power you have to tell people they are bad and people should feel sorry for you.

 

Heythere the niceness you refer to is nice as in a nice day", "I think ice cream is nice", "boy that movie was nice". Even all these "nices" sound bland.

 

As for Balance its up to you.

[heythere1234]

Heretic is on to something, too. It all depends on the person. Some girls like outgoing guys, some like quieter guys, just be you, but yes niceness is a good thing.

[itsallgrand]

Just to 'balance' things up:

'Nice girls' exist too.

It's not different.

 

All things go both ways.

[neolithic]

i don't tell a guy he's nice if i think he's going to be a creepy stalker guy, it's just that ANY guy can turn into that. and you want to be nice about breaking it off.. no one wants to just be flat-out mean and say "you know what, you're just too friggin ugly."

 

and she never said nice guys suck, she said those guys who claim "oh, i'm just too nice and girls all want jerks, that's why i can't get a girl!" suck!! and they do!

[heythere1234]

Also I'll add something else: I've known soooo many guys who try to impress me with how "NICE" they are: they're nice to the checker girl, nice to the waitress, nice to the neighbor, etc. But I mean like Overly-nice, you know? Going way out of the way to do favors leave huge tips, etc. I don't like that c rap either. It's so phoney. I want a guy who's nice *TO ME* (not that he has to be rude to others..) Don't know who said it but "A Friend to All Is a Friend to None."

[neolithic]

also, women don't want jerks! but if a guy comes on too strong, then she will be turned off, no matter what.

 

here's an example of that. i met this guy, and was floored that he'd even speak to me. he seemed soo aloof and so james-dean-esque that i went crazy for him. however, he insisted on getting my number and started texting me like a madman later that night. he then proceeded to search out all of my internet things, such as facebook (when he didn't even have one) and livejournal, etc. i didn't think he was a "nice guy," i thought he was coming on way too strong!

 

so once i pulled away and i didn't hear from him.. i went crazy over him again, haha. we just need balance. i don't want to feel like i'm a man's pitiful and single prospect!!

[tylercdurden2004]

Heretic is on to something, too. It all depends on the person. Some girls like outgoing guys, some like quieter guys, just be you, but yes niceness is a good thing.

 

Again before this thread goes into the tank like other ones. The term "NICE" has to be defined. People are talking about two different things when they refer to nice.

 

Quiet does not equal NICE

Outgoing does not equal NICE

 

Personality aside the NICE that nice guys refer to is not anything to do with helping old ladies accross the road, picking up something when someone drops it. Its something different its an easy cover for a mans attempt at manipulation.

[heythere1234]

lol, you're right, yes they do! neolithic!

[heythere1234]

"Monsieur what you consider nice is actually seen as spineless by women whether they admit it or not. You suckhole around and feel sorry for yourself and instead of being a man and admitting maybe you are wrong you deny deny deny to keep grip of the little bit of power you have to tell people they are bad and people should feel sorry for you."

 

Yep it so true tyler. (sorry monsuer but you will be better off if you face it.)