Easter, Birthday and trip...what to do

[Demond34]

Me and my g/f/x....whatever you want to call her, have been in NC for a week.

 

Some quick info, over 5 year relationship, I'm 24 she turns 25 next week...There was a huge roadblock for 20 months of the relationship that we were to overcome.(it resulted in me having to go away in which she stuck by my side). Last year right before summer, we had a fallout(in which i contributed), in which she strung me along for a few months, i finally backed down and then we ended up getting back together....

 

We were together again for the last 6 months...she was staying over every night, got a christmas tree together, just everything was good.... We even took a trip to wash d.c., in which it was an x-mas present to me.... That was 3 weeks ago..

 

Since then the following week she started to pull away... So I backed away and was like oh boy here we go again. She stopped staying over and started to call less, I started to call less.. When we did talk, she was miserable talking about how everything is my way(which is far from the truth) it seems everything is her way but when I would bring that up, she didnt want to be bothered by it...... SO i said fine and stopped calling. She called a week later and I had known that she was at my house ealier(she has a key) to get a dvd she borrowed from her girl friend. But she didnt bother to grab any of her stuff, clothes, boots, perfume, her tv and other little stuff......

 

Anyway, we went out to eat the day she called. Everything was small talk with a little bit of the relationship intertwined. Also, about the trip shes taking to north carolina to visit her friend, she told me she doesnt know how long she'll be. She came back to my house to watch a show, in which she snuggled up to me until it was over and then she left with a hug and bite on my ear. Thats the last I've seen her and I talked to her briefly the next day. I decided to stop getting dragged along. I told myself I won't chase like a puppy, like I did last year.

 

Heres my dilemma, since shes making the choice also not to call, to go away over easter break and over her birthday, without even a second thought......Do I call to see if she made it alright first off and do I call her on easter or her birthday? Granted she never said we were over(but obviously something isn't right) Also, she quit her job as a manager and has nothing to come back too and where she is going is a place she wanted to move last year..............

 

I've debated from posting, just because its something I should deal with but maybe an outsider's view could help. I love her but know that i've been shown little respect. She seems to run away from her problems and she always paints herself as the victim in every situation(jobs, me and family).......Such a different person than I used to know......I think shes depressed.... Do I show her I still care or do I just let it go? Should note she called me yesterday morning in which I did not answer, she leaves tom.

[itsallgrand]

Hi Demond.

 

Well, what is it that you would like to see happen in the near future? What do YOU want?

 

Is she leaving and not coming back? Is there any realistic possibility for the relationship to carry on and grow?

 

I'm 26. In my opinion, the two of you need to talk talk talk.

You need to be real direct and get it out there. What you want and need from her. What you can give. And she needs to tell you these things too. If she won't - then she may never. It's sad but true. She may not know how to at this point in her life.

 

It's all up to you. Remember: it's your life and if she is disrespecting you, it is your responsibility to defend yourself.

 

Good luck.

[Demond34]

Thanks for the response

 

To answer your ?'s......I would like to see us get back.....about her leaving and not coming back, I vaguely asked her about that when we went out eat about her looking for a job and a place down there and she said she hasnt thought about it, she didnt think she would quit her job now.......can the relationship carry on and grow....I say absolutely if both parties are willing to work at it. We've been through alot together, in which she stuck by me through 2 years of my troubling times, but in the long run that has effected her and she brought that up last week, that she still thinks about the hurt of losing me and me not being there for her and she thinks she didnt heal from that......even though it was out of both of our control.

 

However, the communication is lacking on her end. She holds everything in until shes at her breaking point. Then she makes rash decisions and points the finger at someone else and takes no responsibility for her actions or that I'm supposed to accept them. I'm getting tired. I don't want to lose her but I also don't want to get played a fool

[itsallgrand]

Hey,

Ultimately only you can know and choose what you want to do.

 

But here's a few things to think about:

Possibly telling her exactly what you posted here: "I am tired. I want to be with you. However, I it is exhausting me trying to guess how you are feeling and if we are okay."

You could ask her where she is at and if she plans to be moving. A more concrete answer.

 

Then, you will have more info to make decisions with. You could choose a course of action with confidence.

 

It seems you do care for her a lot. I really do think you two just need to communicate more.

Some people are better at it than others. You'll have to decide if her faults(which may never change) are tolerable and workable in the long run.

 

Good wishes.