Woman I Dated 7 Years Ago Contacts Me For The 1st Time In Years!!! Why Now???

[preppyusa]

Okay, so this woman that I dated back in 1999, I haven't spoken with her in at least 5 years. I am 24, she is 25. We didn't really part on bad terms, we just ended up stopped talking. We were friends after we dated for a little bit, but then we kind of just went our separate ways. So now, she is married right now with a kid. So she calls me on my cell on Monday and leaves a voice message saying, "Hi, how are you..blah blah". Well I didn't call her back, and she called me Tuesday, but left no message. I was even surprised she had my number still. And then I get an e-mail from her this morning (again, she still has my e-mail address?). The e-mail said this:

 

I have not talked to you in ages and thought that I would just see how things were with you and what you have been up to.

 

Becky said that you had a child now, congratulations. I have a 3 year old daughter, and she keeps my very busy.

 

I have missed talking to you and just wanted to see how you have been and what you are doing now.

 

I still have my account with AOL, and this is my work e-mailI hope to hear from you I am interested in seeing how you have been.

Hope to talk to you later

 

I would really like a woman's opinion on this more than anything. To me, I think this is odd. Why would she do this now? I don't have anything against her, but she is kind of a weird person. I have not even contacted her back yet, so should I or no? Should I e-mail her back or just call her? Why all of a sudden is she doing this now after 5 years? Does she want me back in her life? Help me!

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

She probably dropped you a line because your mutual friend Becky mentioned you to her and told her that you had a child. And so did she. And because you guys did not end on bad terms, she probably felt comfortable enough to drop a line a say hello. Now you both have something in common...you are both parents.

 

It is up to you if you want to contact her. I do not think she wants you back. She is just being friendly and saying hello. At least that is the impression I am getting from her email.

[Beyondthesea]

Personally I think she is just trying to be friendly. You have a child, so does she. You didn't part on bad terms, so she still thinks it would be alright to be friendly to one another.

 

If it's not ok with you, just let her know. She doesn't mean anything by it but to gesture towards friendship.

[italianstalian]

its been 7 years............. i think its OK to contact her..

[coollady1957]

THe email does not sound like anything more to me than a friendly " hello, how are ya" type thing.

 

Maybe she is just wanting to touch base and see how things are. Based solely on that email it does not sound like she is trying to start anything.

 

If you wanted to send a short email back it surely seems like it would be ok.

[BellaDonna]

Wow...that is quite strange. My thoughts on this differ from the others.

 

Ask yourself this question:

 

Do you think her husband knows she sent you that e-mail?

 

If you think the answer to that is "no", then I don't think you should respond.

 

I hate to be a pessimist, but I find her behavior to be quite strange. My best guess is that she is not emotionally fulfilled in life and is trying to reach out for the prospect of some kind of friendship/attention/emotional support. However, since 5 years have gone by and you both have moved on, I think it's inappropriate for her to contact you and expect to play catch-up now.

 

If I were you, I'd leave it alone.

 

 

I have missed talking to you

 

Major no no. The word "missed" implies emotion and also thinking about someone....

 

 

I hope to hear from you I am interested in seeing how you have been.

Hope to talk to you later

 

"Hope" is mentioned 2 times in a row..... which shows she's banking on you contacting her for some reason.

 

I don't think you should contact her, if she is married. In my opinion this is not normal "wife" behavior.

 

 

BellaDonna

[DN]

I agree with Belladonna - people rarely do things without a motive. She may be fooling herself into thinking it's innocent catching up but I bet she is having problems in her marriage.

 

What about your s/o if you have one - how would she feel about you responding to the ex?

[teacup]

as a woman......it doesn't seem like a big deal for her to contact you even after this long.

 

i think men don't understand women very well at all.

 

i get urges to contact exes sometimes. it's like a compulsion that lingers from time to time.

 

usually i feel like contacting them because:

 

1. to find out what they are up to (curiosity, do they have a better life now?)

2. to find out if they are married or dating

3. to find out if they are sorry about any of the things they did or any of the crap that happened

4. to just say hi and talk briefly....almost like an acknowledgement that this person still exists in this world

 

i have even wanted to contact abusive exes. ppl who treated me really rotten, just to ask them....why did they do it?

 

but i wouldn't want to continue or maintain contact with these men. i wouldn't want them back in my life. i wouldn't want to date them again. i think there's a lot better out there and i know their not there for me.

 

but sometimes....there is just that urge to reconnect to the past. as a woman, i think it's very natural for me to feel that way. women are more emotionally connected.........but it doesnt automatically mean she wants you back! that's where men get it wrong in making that assumption i think.

[becallamjr]

I would contact her and see what she wants. ????? marks in the mind suck.

[DN]

women are more emotionally connected

 

I have know men who are very emotionally connected - a poet like Robert Browning for example. Conversely I have known women who would make a tree look over-emotional.

 

The reasons some men don't understand some women very well are are exactly the same reasons as why some women don't understand some men - either someone isn't explaining themselves properly or someone isn't listening properly.

 

It is not usually wise to assume that other people will act or react in a given situation the same way that you will even if they are of the same gender.

 

Why do so many people have to see every question on here in terms of gender differences? Usually the assumptions they make are erroneous or irrelevant.

[DN]

I would contact her and see what she wants. ????? marks in the mind suck.

 

True - but it could also a Pandora' Box

[Boricua7]

I think it could go both ways. I, personally, see what Belladonna and DN see. It seems she may be having problems in her marriage and may be reaching out for an escape. Does her husband know she is writing you? Probably not. The fact that you have a past together really makes me wonder about her intentions.

 

Then again, this could be innocent. I know of many happily married women (my mother, for example) who contact their old friends with whom they haven't spoken to for awhile. You did say that you were friends before you went your separate ways, right?

 

Be wary of the situation. I say find out what she wants. If you don't like what she has to say or feel uncomfortable, end contact with her then and there. You have control of the situation thus far.

[Boricua7]

True - but it could also a Pandora' Box

 

What in the world is Pandora's Box? I've heard the expression "open up a Pandora's box" before but what does it mean?

[orgasmictofu]

Why do so many people have to see every question on here in terms of gender differences? Usually the assumptions they make are erroneous or irrelevant.

 

DN, I love that you said this. Thank you.

[NJRon]

Pandora's Box:

 

link removed

[NJRon]

I think all humans are messed up.. I'm proud to be a pidgeon.

 

However, from my bird's eye view, I find it suspiscious whenever a married individual reaches out to a past fling... but hey, maybe that's just me. I know it didn't help *my* marriage any.

[Boricua7]

Thanks NJRon! That helps make what DN said make a lot more sense! And I agree with you, DN. He could be opening up Pandora's Box by contacting her but he might not. He has the option of avoiding all contact with her if he finds out her intentions are not good. E-mail address change, phone number change...etc. Also, have you (preppyusa) told your significant other of this e-mail? I don't think it would look good on your part if your significant other found out about this on her own as opposed to you informing her about your situation.

[DN]

The modern version of Pandora's Box is 'opening a can of worms' or 'curiosity killed the cat'.

 

Some things are best left alone.

[preppyusa]

Also, have you (preppyusa) told your significant other of this e-mail?

 

I do not have anyone serious right now. I'm single as they come. But I'm very suspicious of her calling me and e-mailing me in the last few days. It's just too weird and it draws a red flag in my opinion. I don't know if she still is married, but she did get married a while back. On one hand, if I call her, she might just act innocent and say hello, but on the other hand, she might want a rebound or a fling depending on how her marriage is going. But the whole problem here is over 5 YEARS?!? Not a word spoken to each other in 5 years, and all of a sudden, this woman is texting me, calling my cell phone, and e-mailing me constantly in a span of 2 days. It just seems too bizarre. I appreciate everyone's input on this, and would like more as well. I'm not dwelling too hard on this, but I also don't want to look like a jerk to her. I am though leaning more to if I do call her, I think I will be opening a can of worms, and I don't think I want to go down that route, but at the same time, I don't want to be rude and ignore her and not call her. I've messed with a married woman before, and I regret it to this day. Anymore advice would be helpful though.

[NJRon]

I have to say, I have contacted an ex after 3 years... but only as a friend because my mom kept in touch with her. We were both single and we chit chat every now and then. However, I wouldn't even think to try to contact her repeatedly in such a short time. I sent her an emal... she replied a couple weeks later... our communications are baout every couple months.. nothing big. So yeah, I think it's a big red flag.

[cingularity83]

The only thing I can advise you to do if you choose to reply to her is answer only specific questons that she asked in her e-mail....she said she wanted to see how you are doing...you can reply by simply saying...I'm doing very well....to her question about your child....you can say yes..I do have a beautiful son/daughter....ignore the I missed talking to you part....and answer the other part...tell her I've been doing this, that, and the third.....without giving too much detail...reply to her, but never initiate contact....

[Boricua7]

I agree with the7mcs, answer her questions and leave it at that. If she has bad intentions, chances are she will pry. If her intentions are innocent, she will just respond with how she is doing, wish you well and leave it at that. I can see how you'd be hesitant to respond due to wanting to avoid a bad situation but I don't see any harm with a short and simple response. That way, you don't seem like a jerk but you're not being inviting.

[keenan]

preppyusa,

 

Since there seem to be many varied opinions about this woman's motive in contacting you...perhaps you should simply consider whether you WANT to talk to her again. Take away all the weirdness and the potential guilt, and just think about what's left. Does talking with her sound like fun? Are you interested in anything she might have to say? If not, do both of you a favor and just let it go. She'll get over it.

[BellaDonna]

The only thing I can advise you to do if you choose to reply to her is answer only specific questons that she asked in her e-mail....she said she wanted to see how you are doing...you can reply by simply saying...I'm doing very well....to her question about your child....you can say yes..I do have a beautiful son/daughter....ignore the I missed talking to you part....and answer the other part...tell her I've been doing this, that, and the third.....without giving too much detail...reply to her, but never initiate contact....

 

I agree. I don't even think you should respond- but if you feel you must- then do it via e-mail.

 

Just say you are doing fine. Make the focus talking about your child- which is a neutral topic. Then I would say something like "congratulations on your kids- tell your husband I said congratulations too"

 

End the e-mail with

 

I hope life brings you the best,

 

or some other salutation which implies that you expect the contact the END once you reply. Should she call or e-mail you again after that- ignore it.

 

 

BellaDonna

[kellbell]

Oh so now more of the truth comes out.

 

"But I'm very suspicious of her calling me and e-mailing me in the last few days. It's just too weird and it draws a red flag in my opinion. I don't know if she still is married, but she did get married a while back. On one hand, if I call her, she might just act innocent and say hello, but on the other hand, she might want a rebound or a fling depending on how her marriage is going. But the whole problem here is over 5 YEARS?!? Not a word spoken to each other in 5 years, and all of a sudden, this woman is texting me, calling my cell phone, and e-mailing me constantly in a span of 2 days."

 

None of this was mentioned in the original post. Well with the new information, I would not contact her. It sounds like she is "sniffing" around. Trust your gut...do not contact her.