Lost

[Lost828]

Hi all,

 

I recently broke up with my girlfriend. Its a long'ish story so I hope it won't bore you guys. Our relationship started about 10 months ago and lasted about 9 months. In those short 9 months I can say I have been the happiest but also the most hurt I have been in my whole life. I can say the first three months was really good and I was really happy to find someone like her, it was great But just after christmas my heart was shattered I found out that she was going to lie to me and go out with her ex and spend a day together. To make it worse she didn't tell me her ex was a guy that we had played badminton with a few weeks back, she said he wanted to see if i was good guy or not. I confronted her and asked her why she lied to me about these things, she said it was to make hm stop calling her because he was still very interested in her. Stupidly I believed her and forgave her, on the condition that she would not contact him again. But a lot of trust had been lost at this point Valentines came and went and this was proberly the happiest day I can remember. I bought her a mobile phone and later found that she had contacted him, we had a big argument and she told me that it was just to tell him to stop bothering her. Again I believed her Every thing was fine, we where happy and I had regained some trust in her. But again I find out he had email'ed her a simple internet quiz, I didn't tell her I knew but did ask her if he had been bothering her. Her answer was no he had not contacted her. Even tho she had lied to me again I made excuses like "she just didn't want to upset me", but a few days later I find out she had completed his quiz and also wrote one just for him. One question in the the quiz she sent him really really hurt. The question was (to him), "What is my sweetest memory?". The answer was "When her and him went to Thailand together". She was still thinking of him even a month back I wanted to break up but she cried a lot and said she felt nothing for him. Guess what?, I forgave her again . By this time I was doubting the future of our relationship, but the thing that really did break our relationship was a text msg I found. It basically proved she lied to me and that in this msg she said she still cared for him and hope they could stay in contact, even tho she promised me that there would be no contact what so ever. I didn't break up with her straight away as I really did love her and just couldn't understand the situation. We had a really nice day at the beach on her birthday and a few days I broke up with her, basically I said I couldn't trust her and didn't want to be with her anymore. Even still now I don't understand, feel really sad and lost. Why? why? why? I tried my best with her and her ex cheated on her, why would she hurt me like this for him?. Did she ever love me?. I still love her and miss her a lot. I just wanted to tell my story and maybe see what you guys/gals think?. I just need someone to talk to. My friends and family have talked to me but I didn't want to break down and cry in front of them again.

 

Lost828

[nancy_9535]

You should be able to trust your girlfriend... no matter what you two should be honest with each other... I do believe, however, that a few times...even though i despise people who lie... that she lied so she wouldn't upset you... it makes a girl feel special when two guys are fighting over her... she feels worth something i suppose... if it ever comes up again... as in you and her thinking about giving it another shot... I suggest you first find out why she lied... if she claims she never lied... even though it may hurt... you may want to gently break to her a few clues that you found... tell her that if you two can't be honest with each other, then you simply don't want to be together (if thats how you feel)

 

We're still unsure if she wants to get back with her ex... she may just want to still be friends with him... and just friends... but lying about contacting him isn't a good sign... but this may be ... because you told her to break all ties with him. I suggest you not tell her who to talk to and who not to talk to... I know it seems rude... but when people tell me not talk to talk to so and so just because they have something against them... it makes me think that ... its a problem between THOSE two... and it shouldn't concern me. If she can regain your trust... by telling the truth, then I say all's well that ends well and ya'llz should give it another shot

[Lost828]

Hi Nancy,

 

I only asked her not to contact him after she lied to me about going out with this guy to another city for a day out. She promised me that she would not contact him ever again if I forgave her. Her promises mean nothing now Can you trust someone that continually lies to you?.

 

Lost828.

[cobro]

I'm sorry that happened to you man.... I came here about 2 months ago with the same problem, girl going back to ex, who cheated on her before. There were lies also. Basically the exact same situation. I can tell you, it gets easier. You don't need a girl like that in your life, she sounds just as confused as my ex. Cut all ties, TRUST ME, it is will hurt for a few weeks, but it will get better. I waited until last week to cut ties completely, she kept calling me (while with her new guy). By not cutting ties right away I seriously prolonged my healing process. So, listen to me, I was in the exact same dilemma. I'm sorry again, it sucks, but it's life and some girls are like that. There are good ones out there.

 

cobro

[Lost828]

Hi Cobra,

 

I know it will get better, its just at the moment it really sucks. Its been a month now and I have cut all ties. Its just that its hard for me to forget all the good times in the last 9 months with her. I also remember all the bad times too. Thanks for the advice Cobra.

 

Lost828.

[bad girl]

are you fine now? i just read your email and honestly speaking i got jelous to the girl, its very rare that there is a guy like.. i think you should give yourself a space and try to be little bit far from her and try think your life you loved her soo much that you forgot to check yourself.. trust is very important in a relationship.. without two of you can't go on... give her space maybe she could feel her lost if she didn't see you for a while

[melrich]

Really what right do you have to demand she cuts ties with someone she still cares for? She lies to you because you have put her in an awkward situation. It seems obvious from what you have written that she enjoyed contact with her ex and from what you say it all seemed very harmless, why would that be a problem for you? I think your insecurities would have broken the relationship down anyway and really that is what you should be focussing on..how to deal with your feelings of jealousy. Ex's are usually just that...ex...many people have very good platonic relationships with their ex's and that is a perfectly natural and reasonable result. If someone told me not to see a friend I wouldn't bother lying about it, I would just leave that person immediately.

[4EverNight]

It's hard to let someone you love go even though she may have hurt you. We sometimes make excuses for their actions so that we feel better about dealing with the lies. It's not that you are weak, you just care for her too much and would do anything to keep her even it means getting hurt. Just being able to be with that one person that makes your heart beat faster and having her smile and hold on to you as if you were the only one for her is a real high. We do things that we may not normally do. I for one have rationalized the things that a woman I loved had done to me which hurt just so I could feel better about myself. You may never know if she still has feelings for her ex and you might have to accept it and go on. If she does go back to him and you leave her for good, I'm willing to bet that she will try to stay in contact with you. It's up to you what you do but maybe you should let her go and see what happens. It can't get any worse hopefully.

[cOnfUsEdbAbYgUrl]

Hi there! it seems you have had a pretty painful relationship and i am so0o sorry but cee it realli is hard to let sumone go when you think of the person in the back of ur head focus on a new gurl i mean sumone that will treat you right ..Dont think your the only one who cant let go of a ex she played with ur mind and u should be mad i would be ... but you knoe she probably did love you @ one ponit in that 9 months... her ex was trying so0 hard i cee to get her back... that must have hurt bad.... find a new woman good luck with it.. oh ya you cant stay sprung on one person forver.. jux leave her alone.. shes not worth it shes a lier... and a cheat