venus777 Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 How long do you all think people should be dating before becoming exclusive? Link to comment
fishrrshortae Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 I'd say at least a month or two, minimum, just so you're not rushing into anything... Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 I agree with fishrrshortae, a month to two months is a good time frame, although not longer than two months. I like to know within a month to 6 weeks whether or not the guy is serious about dating me and not looking elsewhere. But then I tend to be the insecure type and worry about someone walking out of my life, esp when I am starting to really develop an interest for the guy. My ex wanted to be exclusive within a month of dating me, which was ok. I wonder how other guys think of this question? Link to comment
Massari Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 that was the question I was wondering myself till recently.. we became exclusive... the 3rd week we have been seeing eachother and now we are very much in love.. she is my first. I always though it should be atleast 1- 2 moths.. I am not sure how this happened between us. I feels like I know her for such a long time and definatelt doesn't feel like 3 weeks and 5 days Link to comment
RayKay Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 Understand this is an individual response and only reflects MY feelings, but I think that depending on the time you have spent together 1-3 months. For example if you have only seen each other 4 times (once a week) in the first month it may be too soon, meanwhile if you are seeing each other 4-5 days a week 3 months may be too long. Really, when both people feel ready. I do think that you should agree to exclusivity before sleeping together IF you want exclusivity however. My boyfriend and I became exclusive a couple weeks in, but it felt right for us as we both had no interest in dating others at that point and wanted to give it a try together Link to comment
crvers Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 Personally think how quickly things are moving along. If per say your going on a date a week for 1-2 months...then the time it takes to become exclusive is longer. If u start to see that person every other day...then maybe a month...who really knows. It should be based on feeling and not a time frame. Link to comment
AntiLove_SuperStar Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 Oh...In every relationship Ive been in, from the moment we kiss I see anything with anyone else as cheating...and they have always shared that viewpoint too. Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 How long do you all think people should be dating before becoming exclusive? When both parties involved feel they are ready and not a moment before. That's what I think Link to comment
Luke Skywalker Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 My personal policy is that these matters should be communicated to the other party, and soul-searching should be done as to what you want to do. Obvioulsy, you wouldn't be seeking an exclusive dating relationship if your goals are just to mix around and get comfortable with the dating scene in general, right? How many people have you been with before? Maybe you would want to mix around more anyway? Or, maybe you are really tired and want to settle down with someone, and you are pretty much all together and watn a relationship with soemone. These are all soul-searching questions that have to be asked before you go there. It is also important to find out what type of girl you are going out with. Is she also looking for someone to settle down with and have a family, or is looking for company to have a good time with? As long as you CAN communicate these issues and get FEEDBACK from them from the other party, than that is ultimately what counts, because if you dont have enough rapport to even discuss these issues - you have nothing to worry about. Theoretically, for argument, if you communicated with someone to date exclusively after the first date or before meeting, and they agreed, then that's cool. Usually, if you have enough rapport to ask, then you should ask about these things. Link to comment
venus777 Posted April 5, 2006 Author Share Posted April 5, 2006 hmmm... i know i shouldn't have done it but i wrote this guy i've been dating ~6 wks and said we shouldn't have sex anymore because it isn't good for me to have sex outside of a relationship. i expressed concerns about him possibly dating other people and the potential of getting an std and just that i also want to be special to the person i'm with. he wrote me back a one line email: ok thats it. no name, no nothing. i think i must have insulted him. but anyway, it really hurts, i guess maybe i wanted him to say: i really like you, i just want you, i'm not seeing anyone else. but i'm such an idiot. Link to comment
Goodfun88 Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 Wow, I hate to say it, but I think you went about that in a totally wrong way. You pretty much said what you have with him isn't special (or at least you don't think your special to him), and that you think he sleeps around and might give you an std. If I were a guy I'd be so insulted. I don't know, it might be to late, but maybe you can retract your statement and say that you were really wondering if he was interested in being exclusive with you but that you went about it the wrong way. Good luck! Link to comment
venus777 Posted April 5, 2006 Author Share Posted April 5, 2006 yah, i know i went about it the wrong way, and i told him that's a real concern for me. sigh. i'm an idiot, but at this point i don't even want to check my email to see what if he's written me anything, the flow of my biochemicals in my body have put me totally on edge. i just didn't want to be too vulnerable, too open with him about how i feel so i just did something stupid. i mean, i sent one email and it was nice and then, i said never mind, that was stupid, i don't think we should have sex anymore. ugh, email is terrible, whenever i email i make a total duface out of myself. Link to comment
Goodfun88 Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 Haha, yeah, email is never good for serious discussion topics! Well maybe he can look past this and it will all work out for you. I know it can be nervewrecking when you like someone and want more. I know with my bf we were "dating" for about 4 months, when I blurted out drunkly "Are you gonna be my boyfriend or what??" Luckly he took that in stride and we've been together ever since (4 months). We all make mistakes and do stupid things when it comes to dating, if its really meant to be, he'll look past it! Good luck! Link to comment
RayKay Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 Heck my boyfriend became my boyfriend because he lost a bet on that there was a left turn up ahead to get to the restaurant we were trying to get too (he said no, I said yes, he said what do you bet...I say "that we will officially call ourselves gf/bf" (this was two weeks after we stopped dating others mind you) ). He lost, we both won. We all say stupid things sometimes....unfortunately. And sometimes we don't go about things the right way. I would put a retraction in on that email, and explain that what you are really saying is you want to be exclusive other people, and want to know if he is on the same page. At worse he says no - but then you know where you stand and can stop sleeping with him and move on. The way it is now, it does seem you are accusing him of not being faithful, and also showing maybe you aren't... For the record, in the future back away from the computer, and talk about these things in person! And wait to sleep together until you know you are together Link to comment
venus777 Posted April 5, 2006 Author Share Posted April 5, 2006 oh, he just sent an email saying "it's all peace" but he is too busy for a back and forth and we should just be friends. ouch. now, what to do? never write or call him again.... Link to comment
Mavh25 Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 Whats this exclusivity? as soon as we say "im dating someone" here, that means we are bf/gf ..... lol Link to comment
Goodfun88 Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 I'd say forget about him, unless you think it'd be possible for you to be friends. Move on and find someone worth you time! Good luck, I'm sure you'll be fine! Link to comment
RayKay Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 oh, he just sent an email saying "it's all peace" but he is too busy for a back and forth and we should just be friends. ouch. now, what to do? never write or call him again.... I would take that as a "don't pursue it" and "he does not want that extra level of exclusivity". Maybe it was good this happened so you knew this now though. Link to comment
venus777 Posted April 5, 2006 Author Share Posted April 5, 2006 i deleted him from my friends list and told him so and he said "wow". i don't see why men don't get that's a complete insult. Link to comment
Goodfun88 Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 Please stop talking to him. He doesn't care. You shouldn't feel the need to notify him that you are deleting him as a friend. Just cut him out of your life, and move on. I know it hurts, because you like him, but its obvious that he doesn't feel the same way. It won't hurt him to delete him from your friends list. You should be doing that for yourself so that you can move on! Good luck! Link to comment
venus777 Posted April 5, 2006 Author Share Posted April 5, 2006 i plan on stopping contact with him, that's the plan. the hard part is, i just introduced him to a good friend of mine that own a center and he wants to work there, so i'll be seeing him around. he obviously is a jerk though cause he didn't even care enough to just be upfront with me earlier on... Link to comment
StarSteel Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 I agree with Luke, you gotta be up front about it. I would say that's a question you could bring up on a first date. Ask him (or whoever) what his policy on exclusivity is. You wanna be VERY clear on that issue. I've been reading a few of your posts. Venus, you need to learn to cut ties. You've got all these heartstrings all over the place, and people are walking all over them because they're everywhere. Strangers, friends, sex partners, whoever - they're just trampling down your spirit. I think you need to reclaim it... reclaim your soul as your own, and stop giving it away to the next dude that comes along. Save it. Wait. If you end up with a guy like this that gives one word answers (to shut you up, by the way) then you should know to be emotionally distant enough to just cut off all your emotional ties to him. It shouldn't be hard. Link to comment
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