Could someone tell me what to do, I want my ex back

[Belgian girl]

still didn't appear anywhere, got him blocked and I didn't log in at the forum (but looked at his new messages (at one forum none (that doesn't happen often!) and at the other (he's moderator there and this week he also has to take over the role of two other moderators who are away) about two and all the time the messages were focussed on 'I'(that's how they started), so towards me it seems like he feels lonely and/or the need to defend himself (and perhaps he feels a little weak, I guess). The disadvantage of this NC that I've started following is perhaps that I can't create a place where he can find real love like a kind of I made when I posted at one of those forums (he always directly read what my new messages are)

Any advice or opinion is still welcome.. thank you

[Belgian girl]

Also today he do logged in at the forum but didn't post anything. Maybe b/c he's waiting until I make any b/c he's feeling confused about it. I really hope I can find weekendwork for this weekend so I don't have to be at the same bus by travelling home. I feel very heartbroken last two days, since my mother called (I guess when I was just awake) and I was very open and breakable and when I didn't expect it she repeated 'It's over!' (I really can't stand that. I mean, if I want to chose for it to feel love for someone, then it's MY choice, and I already tried to reduce those feelings but it makes me feel bad and I was doing fine and didn't hurt anyone just by keeping the good memories and real-love-feeling. It's about something like that is ruining everything I built up with him and she can't know he I will be and feel if I stop feeling like that! I would even have paid some ten euros for not losing this feeling)

[Belgian girl]

He posted one message (just in a game (couple-game (matching two names))) at the forum, maybe just b/c he wanted to log-in (perhaps to check if there is mail). So, good news, I must say.

[Belgian girl]

Today I posted something at the forum (b/c I have to be in the same bus this weekend so NC isn't possible at this moment) but he didn't post anything at that forum today (he logged in like the other days and was there for about 5 minutes). At the other forum (where he's Mod.) he posted just one message like about the rest of the week.

[Belgian girl]

This night he and the girl (he invited to become member at the forum where he's Mod.) placed several messages. At the other he didn't placed anything again. I feel confused b/c I'm almost sure he's feeling lonely and bad about things and it's like he's playing a role again by doing flirty and (TOO) happy. Don't think the girl is interested though

[Thunderforce]

For how long are you going to stay busy with this guy. Isn't it time to start focussing on yourself instead of someone who doesn't make any attempt to be with you? Don't want to sound cruel but I really do think it's time for you to move on.

[shoebaby1]

of all the people who should be giving advice, I also think you should let go. You have been going through this for too long.

[Belgian girl]

this night he will sleep at her studio (he was sitting behind me at the bus) but think she especially wants friendship (hope!)

this weekend I sent him a message (sms) I still had in memory and afterwards that I sent it by clicking at the wrong concept (that I was sending with a friend)

[Belgian girl]

ah I just read the messages

but I love him with whole my heart

maybe he just isn't ready for it

I don't find myself able to have for example sex with somebody else b/c I wanted it so much and was more than ready for it but didn't do it.. can't forgive myself this and other things

[arwen]

Girl, no one says that leaving the ex alone implies having sex with random other guys. But what you are doing now seems to be turning into an obsession. The thread started out with you and him in the bus. I still believe that NC can work wonders in these kind of painful situations, so I will repeat what I said the first time: change your transport. Go by bike, take an earlier bus and spend the time you have left to treat yourself to a coffee before you go to class/work, etc.

 

Your focus is still on HIS life. Even if you were in a relationship with him, focussing on him alone would be risking losing your own life and goals. I think it's time for you to start with a clean slate. Every day is a new day, open to new possibilities. You are giving him way too much power by letting his life influence yours this much.

 

He organized some club to blackmouth you? And you are nothing but a bad memory for him? Why on earth do you want to be with a man who tells you this? It seems he does literally anything to make clear that there is no future for you two-- so let go!

 

Ilse

[Belgian girl]

thnx for the reaction, didn't read it earlier

as you can see in my later topics, I prefer another boy (who seems even harder to get)

perhaps I would even make a chance on my ex, last time he asked to sit next to me in the bus, there was a lot of other place in the bus so it confused me and he was very friendly. Now I indeed don't take that bus that much anymore, I stay here in the weekends more often. Guess he doesn't really love his gf

[Belgian girl]

guess.. he tried to get me back but I didn't act interested and think I really am not interested anymore

thnx for reacting you all, it was a very hard time for me and at the moment I developed an auto-immumity disorder (sorry for the spellingerror) called alopecea areata

[thelonelydoll]

Sorry about your auto-immune disorder - but I am happy that eventually you moved on and made it through such a hard time!

[Belgian girl]

Thank you! No need to feel sorry, I don't think it's embarrassing or something and I'm wearing 'synthetic hair'. Guess my own will stop falling out around the end of next summer or something.

Just started loving myself more than before and realised how much I'm worth and how much respect I deserve and that there are a lot of interesting people and maybe I find myself to young to start a serious relationship.

[thelonelydoll]

That's the spirit!

 

I lost my hair from chemotherapy a few years ago - it all fell out very quickly, in maybe two days - but I actually loved being bald. And of course, some important style icons have also had alopecea - Princess Caroline being the most glamorous example.

 

Whatever age we are, we have to love ourselves above all!

[Belgian girl]

Oh I didn't know that about her. I don't know anyone who has it.

I hope your health is fine now. My aunt has had chemotherapy as well and some other near people. My hair felt out in about two months, I think.

Bald could be beautiful as well, I think like you do. Especially when the shape of the head is nice. But my hair now usually has a difference in height depending from place to place so I prefer to wait until there are no active places anymore, I guess end of this summer. Now I'm having three different kind of haircuts (and colors and lengths also different) that I can wear .