need advice for tonight!

[NewPhillyGuy]

So there's this girl I met online and we've been talking for a week about, and out of nowhere she asked ME out tonight. thought wow ok, this is cool. I suggested that we go to a cafe. She seemed cool with that, but also said she wants to go somewhere with alcohol because she wants to get drunk. She said "as long as I can walk home...I'm fine."

 

Not that I'm not cool with drinking, but I personally wouldn't not choose to get drunk, especially on a first date. I jokingly told her ok, but make a good impression it's the first date. She comes back and is like "I don't care what people think about me...I am what I am..."

 

I didn't say anything for a few minutes, and then she asked me why I didn't say anything. I then said, "ok, lets go out and have a good time. we'll figure something out."

 

I'm kinda wondering if I should even bother with this girl. We agreed to meet in the city around 8, but now I'm wondering if maybe I should just cancel.

 

I have to drive 40 minutes to get home, so I am definitely not overdoing it. I'm also thinking what kind of person would want to send this kind of impression on a first date, you know? She also seemed to have a bit of an attitude when she said "I am who I am" when I was clearly joking with her about making a good impression.

 

No offense - but I hate wasting time on these retarded girls who still haven't "graduated" from college and the drinking thing. It's like grow up already. Go to a frat party if you want stupid guys to ogle over how drunk you are and try to screw you..

[hosswhispra]

How old is she?

[DN]

I would be careful with this girl. Sounds like she wants someone to pay for her alcohol consumption. Perhaps she was joking so you may want to give her a chance but if you are not comfortable with women who get drunk on a first date then I would give it a pass.

[NewPhillyGuy]

I would be careful with this girl. Sounds like she wants someone to pay for her alcohol consumption. Perhaps she was joking so you may want to give her a chance but if you are not comfortable with women who get drunk on a first date then I would give it a pass.

She's 23. I was thinking the same thing, DN. I don't want to pay for her getting retarded you know. I'm not sure what to do. It's not that I mind being around drunk people. Were we a few dates into it, I wouldn't really care. I just know I sure as hell would not do that on a first date, nor would I ever even suggest that for the first few dates. I would be concerned the girl would think this guy is some drunk loser.

[hosswhispra]

She sounds a little bit gruff to me. It's up to you to go out and meet her tonight. I would be turned off of someone if they said they wanted to go get drunk, especially on a first date. That's when one would think that you'd want to put your best foot forward.....and not trip over it on your face

[DN]

She's 23. I was thinking the same thing, DN. I don't want to pay for her getting retarded you know. I'm not sure what to do. It's not that I mind being around drunk people. Were we a few dates into it, I wouldn't really care. I just know I sure as hell would not do that on a first date, nor would I ever even suggest that for the first few dates. I would be concerned the girl would think this guy is some drunk loser.

 

Well, there's no law that says you can't cancel the date. I would be concerned about being with someone whose only interest on a date is getting drunk. Apart from the general distaste for someone like that, you don't know enough about her to trust that she won't do something stupid when drunk and get herself into trouble and you along with her.

[NewPhillyGuy]

Well, there's no law that says you can't cancel the date. I would be concerned about being with someone whose only interest on a date is getting drunk. Apart from the general distaste for someone like that, you don't know enough about her to trust that she won't do something stupid when drunk and get herself into trouble and you along with her.

 

I just sent her a note saying I'm down for dinner, dessert, whatever, but if she wants to go out drinking tonight, enjoy and let's plan for another time.

[DN]

I just sent her a note saying I'm down for dinner, dessert, whatever, but if she wants to go out drinking tonight, enjoy and let's plan for another time.

 

Wise decision. Be interesting to see what she says in reply.

[NewPhillyGuy]

Wise decision. Be interesting to see what she says in reply.

 

Me too dude.

[hosswhispra]

I just sent her a note saying I'm down for dinner, dessert, whatever, but if she wants to go out drinking tonight, enjoy and let's plan for another time.

 

Sounds like a solid plan, good luck!

[annie24]

that's a good plan.

 

are you sure she wasn't maybe joking about getting drunk? (ok, probably not, but just a possibility.)

 

Or, if you two decided to go out for drinks, have one or two, and if she is turning you off by wanting more to drink, just go home.

 

Alcohol abuse isn't cool.

[NewPhillyGuy]

that's a good plan.

 

are you sure she wasn't maybe joking about getting drunk? (ok, probably not, but just a possibility.)

 

Or, if you two decided to go out for drinks, have one or two, and if she is turning you off by wanting more to drink, just go home.

 

Alcohol abuse isn't cool.

It didn't come accross that way...

 

We were talkign about whether to do cafe or dinner and she says, "As long as we wind up some place where there's alcohol..."

 

Then she says, "I won't get drunk where I can't walk home." That's when I say jokingly, "yeah, make a good impression...it's the first date."

 

Then, she says, "I'm telling you now I'm getting drunk...not sick drunk...I'll just be able to walk home."

 

That's pretty much verbatim because it was over IMer. I told her to call me in the note, so we'll see. I got plenty of other stuff I would love to do tonight anyway if she bails out. It's gorgeous here 65F!!

[DN]

She sounds determined to get drunk. Not something I would find as an attractive character trait. Has she appeared to be like that before when talking to her online? Kind of overly assertive about stuff like that?

[annie24]

uh.... she sounds like she's pretty immature or has no common sense. It just isn't a good idea to decide in advance that you're getting drunk with a guy you just met off the internet. Now, maybe if you two really click, and you get a sense he's a cool guy, that's another thing. But, deciding you're going to get drunk like that is as smart as sticking your arm in the lion cage.

 

I would cancel the date if I were in your shoes. It sounds like she just wants to get drunk, and only invited you so you can pay for her alcohol. blah. double blah.

 

I'd cancel.

 

Plus, I've dated enough alcoholics and recovering alcoholics that now hearing about people getting excited about getting drunk off their butt makes me feel very uneasy. Now, I like to drink once in a while, but alcoholism and alcohol abuse are seriously NOT COOL!

[kellbell]

Hi there Phily,

 

This girl sounds like a little rough around the edges. Red flags right there. If your boundries include no alcohol or very little of it in the beginning of dating or getting to know a person, then I would cancel this rendez-vous. Trust your gut. Good luck with everything and let us know how everything turns out.

[NewPhillyGuy]

She sounds determined to get drunk. Not something I would find as an attractive character trait. Has she appeared to be like that before when talking to her online? Kind of overly assertive about stuff like that?

That's the weird thing...no not at all. She never came accross that way, so her being so forward about drinking today was unusual. Then again, it's not like I know this girl too well.

 

I've gone out with girls I've liked before and gotten drunk, but they didn't make it seem like their mission you know? I just thought it was so strange. Also, a bar is not my choice setting for a date.

 

People keep saying she probably just wanted me to pay for her alcohol...ugh. I hate people who try to take advantage like that...what toolbags

[enigmaz_Barbie]

I agree with kellbell! Redflags are up! If your not feeling right about this, it could be a sign. Listen to your gut feelings!

[keenan]

NewPhillyGuy, are you sure she's interested in you romantically? I can't imagine acting like that before a date, no matter how rambunctious I'm feeling. If she's had a rough week and views you mostly as a guy to hang out and vent with, then maaaybe. It's still odd, though, considering that you've never met.

[ComputerGuy]

She sounds like one of those go out get drunk/one night stand/party all night/dont care about anything/etc type party girls that think everything in life is a game and if people dont like it get * * * * *y towards them.

 

OK I may be stereotyping here, but that is the impression I get from all this. And before anyone cries sexcist, yes I know guys are exactly the same too - but this is about a girl so that's irrelevant.

[p3r4m3r]

My friend what's the worst that could happen.....You go with this girl to the bar get drunk and have some fun. You have plenty of time to get serious. Rmember its only the first date. Maybe she's just a really fun person. Do you really want some stuck up snobby girl. I think not, and after you've gone on a few dates ,you can really see what type of a person she is. If its someone you cant deal with, then just cut her off. Take it slo and don't over analyze things.

 

Also remember the old saying "In vino veritas" its latin for "In wine there's truth".

[NewPhillyGuy]

Ok got an update and very confused. This is gonna be a long one...sorry all. Could use some help figuring this girl out though.

 

I didn't get any response from her, so around 9:30 I was like screw it and I just decided to chill back at my place for the night. I popped online and she comes back and IMs me saying, "sorry I'm late I fell asleep...so where are we going?" I said sorry you gotta give me more notice than that. Then, she says, "you could have at least called me and said you were doing something else..." I said look I dropped you an IM and left it in your court, and when you got back to me hour and a half late, I assumed it was off. I also came right out and said I assumed you were mad or something because I didn't want to go drinking. I was totally upfront and said drinking is NOT my idea of a good first date, and if that's your big deal, we're not gonna get along. She said she didn't do alot of partying in college, so likes to do it sometimes but she's not an alcoholic or anything. Moving on...

 

We just start talking about other stuff like music, movies, our ideas of good dates, etc. It was about 10:30 and she said "I was looking forward to meeting you today. I think we have good conversations and we would get along well. You also don't seem like the type who's looking for just a hookup." This is true. She then asked me if I thought a movie at her place would be a good first date, and I said that would be kinda awkward but I would be down for it. I said most times I suggested that to a girl early on she thought I was trying to get into her pants, so I was surprised she brought that up for a first date esp. I told her I would be OK with it I guess, and then asked me if I would come over tonight. I told her it was too late and I would probably be dead tired afterwards. Movie + whatever + 40 minutes up and back would make for a late night. THEN, she says well I do have a 2nd bedroom. I was really surprised she went there...seemed very desperate and I thought maybe slutty? She did say earlier she liked me because she knew I wasn't looking for a hookup, which I made clear early on. I thought it was kinda trashy at first. Anyway, I told her there will be other days and I would call her. She said she works on weekends sometimes, but would find out her schedule tomorrow and let me know. I asked her if she was working tomorrow, and she said no. I said so how about we get together tomorrow for something to eat and a movie at her place, and she liked that idea. I told her I would call her tomorrow and that was that.

 

What do you all think of this girl?

[ComputerGuy]

I have to disagree. There is a huge difference between a person who isn't stuck up/snobby and a person who thinks getting drunk is the only way to have fun. A first date is about first impressions - if you go into it with the attitude of "Yeah let's get wasted thats all I wanna do, I dont care what anyone else thinks" then what does that say about their intentions.

 

As I said, just because someone doesn't get drunk and wasted reguarly does not mean they are stuck up snobby. Hell I've gone out and had lots of fun in the last 12 months, and not once has it involved clubs or alcohol.

 

Edit: Gah you got in before me After reading that she sounds all over the shop. That does sound a little better however it's still a little on the suspect side. I say go with her new plan and see what happens but if she starts trying anything or pushing you for stuff you don't want, then don't be afraid to say no. Good on you for being upfront about things to her as well, took a lot of guts.

[keenan]

ComputerGuy, what does "all over the shop" mean? Sorry to derail the thread...I'm interested in dialects and jargon, etc. Is it a common Australian phrase? I'm guessing it's the same as the US "all over the place."

 

Philly, I don't know what to tell you wrt this girl. I'm not cut from the same cloth as her, so I can't tell whether she's just a lighthearted party girl or a bit more desperate. I mean...I think I'm pretty laid back, but first date invitations of (a) getting drunk or (b) spending the night at her place sound pretty...out there. I don't want to be too hasty, but I'm getting a 'seriously needy, potential trouble' vibe.

 

I bet guys with experience with this will have some thoughts...

 

Edited to add that part of my concern comes from my sense that she's pleasantly surprised that you're NOT looking for a hookup--as though that's her norm.

[ComputerGuy]

Keenan, Im getting a similar vibe but the new option sounds a little less - extreme and may be worth giving a shot (albeit minus the staying at her place).

 

All over the shop means like, random, all over the place, one minute one thing, next minute something else. Basically just means that they just go from one thing to another on spur of the moment and change attitudes/ideas like crazy and can't stick to one thing...almost like unstable. And yeah, pretty common in Australia (well when I was growing up anyway) and is the same as the US phrase all over the place pretty much.

[NewPhillyGuy]

Keenan, Im getting a similar vibe but the new option sounds a little less - extreme and may be worth giving a shot (albeit minus the staying at her place).

 

All over the shop means like, random, all over the place, one minute one thing, next minute something else. Basically just means that they just go from one thing to another on spur of the moment and change attitudes/ideas like crazy and can't stick to one thing...almost like unstable. And yeah, pretty common in Australia (well when I was growing up anyway) and is the same as the US phrase all over the place pretty much.

 

I've heard this one lady at work say, "oh she really seems out to lunch"