Why do I read so much into things he says?!

[nygirl79]

OK so my boyfriend and I were having a discussion about how I want to become an interior designer. It was just a casual discussion about the future and where I can go with it. He said something like "you could move to ny and get a job at one of the big interior design firms....THAT would be cool." (NYC, cuz he knows I love it there, we both do)........while he was right, it would be amazing, why am I so upset that he said it? Maybe its because he said "you" and not "we" could move to ny? UGH. We have only been together not even 6 months so why am I freaking out that he's not making these big assumptions that we will be together and stuff. And it was just a little casual conversation, nothing to do with our relationship. So why am I reading so far into it???!! I hate when I do this!!!! Any advice? Maybe from a guy's perspective? Thanks in advance!!

[RayKay]

With a name like nygirl and a location that SAYS New York, I would of thought you were already there!

 

Perhaps he says that as he KNOWS it's a dream of yours to be there, and he does not want to hold you back from following those dreams?

 

I think you read more into it because you care and have a natural desire to want to know where things are going.

 

So for you "you" came out as "without me" for him, "you" was to mean it would be awesome to pursue your goals and I like being with you but it's still to early to say 'we' yet and I want to just see how things go.

[amtjrtcet]

I agree, don't get upset by what he said. Sounds like he supports you and wants you to follow your dreams. Its only been 6 months-his positive reaction to you following your dreams is a good start to a healthy relationship. The last thing you want is someone to try and hold you back.

[amtjrtcet]

Oh, and as to "WHY" you read so much into what he says...its b/c you're a woman. I don't know a woman that doesn't do it!

[nygirl79]

Thanks everyone. That helps a lot. I am sure that when he said it he was not thinking that deeply into it like I was and he was truly just supporting me because he knows I love the city. Just to see how he'd respond (in typical girl nature) I replied (this was an IM conversation) with "yeah maybe my firm can design [i named the company he is starting w/ his 2 buddies] the park avenue office suite" He hasn't replied yet because he's at work and had to leave his office, but that was attempt at lightening it up because for some reason that comment made me freak out! LOL. I'm working on not reading into things and drawing negative conclusions from it. I am sure I worry for no reason most the time!!!

[Scout]

And maybe he was testing you to see if you'd come back with, "WE could move there." You never know...

[friscodj]

I am sure that when he said it he was not thinking that deeply into it like I was..

 

You know, while it may seem trite, don't ignore it. I've found the truest things are said when we don't think about what we are saying (i.e., the things that "slip out").

 

Now, there are two things here:

 

1) This made you feel bad. Are there other indicators that suggest you are more into this relationship than he is? Different goals? Different directions? It is still early but things to ponder perhaps. And just because he isn't talking about "us" now doesn't mean he won't later as things develop and solidify more...

 

2) You say you "hate it when you do this". So you read into things a lot then? In what other situations do you do this? Why do you do this?

[Diggitydave]

There is a simple solution to the problem. DONT over analyze and read too deeply into things. It is one thing to question motives and wonder about the future but do not worry too heavily. Worrying can do nothing for you and only work against you and cause you to do things which will intensify the worrying such as sneaking little hints about the topic on your mind to try to get him to answer them. Meanwhile he is probably thinking nothing of what you were even questioning in your head. Don't ask too many people about what they think his motives are, you will get 15 different answers and become even more confused.

 

Don't be alarmed if he didn't say "WE". It means nothing. It doesn't mean he doesn't want to have these big plans with you merely because he didn't state it in that sentence.

 

You have insufficient knowledge to make any assumptions about his motives and the more you worry about it, the more it will drive you nuts. Then you'll try to do sneaky things to discover his motives only making you look weird and insecure. Don't worry about it.

 

Why do i say all this, because I was just like that not too long ago and constant worrying and over analyzing led to a lot of trouble in my life. Don't worry about it.

 

DONT WORRY ABOUT IT

DONT WORRY ABOUT IT

DONT WORRY ABOUT IT

 

P.S.

If you were to bring it up and say "why didn't you say 'we' and assume big plans for US'?" His reaction would most likely be like this

 

"Uuuuhhhhhh, what?"

 

Then you would feel stupid.

[DN]

When you were talking about the future - were you just talking about yours? Maybe he was wondering where he fits in to your plans.

[tylercdurden2004]

Maybe the fact it wsa "his" suggestion and not your own. Maybe you felt like hey I can make my own decisions.

[Momene]

I'm a bloke who over-analyses, so it's just not a female trait. I keep thinking of reasons why my wife would want to leave, yet we've just got to our 17th wedding anniversary.

 

Yes, when you've been with someone long enough to be really into them and not long enough to know whether you're likely to stay together or not, it's hard.