Has anyone sat their partner down and ASKED

[Skippy]

Has anyone sat their partner down and ASKED,

 

"Do you see me as your life partner?"

 

 

if so at what time should this question be asked?

The reason i am asking is because of a previous post.

 

Why dont people end it when they know they are not in love.

 

I'm thinking it this way, i would rather know earlier then later that they have lost the spark for me.

I dont want to hear that they dont want to hurt me OR they dont want to lose the friendship. So better to ask early.

 

Or is this an insecurity thing? and does it sound NEEdY??

[RayKay]

I don't think I have sat down and "asked" directly, but I HAVE had these discussions with partners in terms of us discussing our goals for the relationship and where we saw it heading.

 

These discussions can take place at various times depending on the people involved and the relationship. For example in some, probably we did not discuss it for a year, or two, but in my current relationship we talk about the future and our plans together fairly regularly, from pretty early on. I still save a text from my partner after one of our discussions where he says "I do know you are the one for me".

 

The problem is though sometimes things change, and having these dicussions during the "honeymoon stage" may be a bit early - it's when you have gone past that, and really are knowing each other, when you are usually a little more able to answer that question. And sometimes it is not until a few months, or longer, down the road someone feels they don't see the potential there anymore.

 

If you ask early, it can be rather pressuring, and not allowing things to progress. I honestly could not tell someone whether they could be my life partner only a few weeks in. I could say I HOPE so, but it's also still the time where you are both "high on each other"...and still learning about the real person and the dynamic you have together. It can take a while to figure that out!

[bobo85]

honestly, most partners just dont know. I'm sure when two people are in love, they say they are gonna get married and have kids, buy a house and live happily ever after..and thats great if it happens. But realitiy is that things can happen. One person can fall out of love...or another person just doesnt want to get married or have kids. Usually there are obstacles in the way of finding true love. And to your question...you shouldn't ask "do you see me as your life partner?".

 

"Will you marry me?"..and he or she says yes......thats the same question as above.

 

But instead of popping the question...you can drop a few hints such as talk about the future...or ask him where do you see yourself in 5 or 10 years.

 

good luck and i hope i was helpful.

[xblondyx]

I've only asked that once, about 1 and 1/2 years ago. I was just joking around since we wer so very young and i was just winding him up. Ended in a huge argument and we broke up!

 

If it's someone you really love, ask them. If they love you back they won't be scared away (like my ex lol) and will give you an honest answer.

[AwdreeHpburn]

I don't get it. I don't see the two topics as related. Granted, I'm not very bright but the two points you brought up sound like two different conversations for two separate and very different points of a relationship.

 

Have we asked "Do you see me as your life partner?" and when.

 

I have w/ my current husband and we started talking like that within just a few months of dating.

 

But the, "Why dont people end it when they know they are not in love" is a much different question and situation all together. Don't ya think?

 

I mean, yes, my husband and I said while we were dating and when we took our vows, that we would be together for life, but sometimes that isn't quite how things turn out. I hope too, as you said, that if that time comes he WILL end it or at least give the courtesy of honesty.

 

But as for when does one approach the subject of becoming "life partners," how about asking when you feel like you want to know.

[friscodj]

I think "Can you see me as your life partner" and "Will you be my life partner" are two different questions. And I think the purpose of dating is to answer those 2 questions, for some people, it depends. It depends what people want out of the relationship (and a relationship in general) and where they are in life. Plus, relationships ebb and flow so I think it is best to have a solid basis in the relationship and know each other really well before asking such questions. You might stir up some thoughts in the other person, make them think about the relationship too much, start overthinking things, I've seen that happen...

 

So a better question to ask would be, "Could you ever see us getting married someday?" That might be a little easier for the other person to swallow I think and still give you a feel of the other person's intentions before you invest more of yourself into a relationship with them. And as far as when and in what context you ask, feel the situation out and trust your best judgment...

[BurningInside]

Meh I never asked the question, I told my girlfriend that I want to spend the rest of my life with her. She said the same thing back. If you say it to them, they'll either say the same thing back or shy away.

[tylercdurden2004]

I think you ask this question at the point when you feel your relationship has "hit the wall". Realtionships need to progress and grow and if you feel you're in a rut then maybe thats the time to ask. Its uncomfortable to ask and realtionships are not about comfort. Yes a realtionship should be comfortable to a dregree but being in a relationship for comfort is as I see it a recipe for disaster. Asking early on when things are progressing is probably not a good idea.

[friscodj]

I think you ask this question at the point when you feel your relationship has "hit the wall". Realtionships need to progress and grow and if you feel you're in a rut then maybe thats the time to ask. Its uncomfortable to ask and realtionships are not about comfort. Yes a realtionship should be comfortable to a dregree but being in a relationship for comfort is as I see it a recipe for disaster. Asking early on when things are progressing is probably not a good idea.

 

Good advice!

[Momene]

If they asked honestly, many would say "don't know". Sometimes thay won't be honest, as they aren't honest with themselves, or they have soem otehr motive. I think it takes from a few weeks to a year to really know anyway.

 

I think if you're dating and no longer in love, you should split. It's different if you're married and got kids. If you're still fond of each other, even if you no longer have the "spark", I don't think you should go off chasing dreams and abandon your children but many people these days argue otherwise. Personally, my marriage isn't "bad" but certainly lacks the passion of the early days but what really would be the point of splitting? ... and I know who it would really hurt the most.

[freedom]

Split because you are not IN love or split because you do not love??

i think there is a difference right? or isn't it??

[Momene]

Split because you are not IN love or split because you do not love??

i think there is a difference right? or isn't it??

Can be. I don't think may people honestly stay "in love" for ever. I lasted nearly 15 years and since it's gone off, I feel quite bad.