Hardest Person to Forgive

[Diggitydave]

I woke up this morning feeling like crap. I felt terrible about how I had acted toward the end of my relationship. I felt terrible about how i tried to change myself so i could get my ex back andhow fake it really was. I acted so immaturely and tried so hard to perform and show my ex how worthy I was of her love for 4 months after we had broken up. Whatever problem she had with me I immediately tried to fix. The truth is if she had a problem with me it wasn't MY problem but hers. She never had a problem with me in actuality, I had a problem with myself. I created ways to try and fix myself to impress her and get her back. I manifested reasons inmy head as to why things went wrong (she must have left because ofthis or that or the other thing) andthen I would try to fix those things. All I did was torture myself for 4 months almost to the point where I was suicidal and completely emotionally drained.

She didn't do anything wrong, I was beating myself up the whole time because I felt I wasn't good enough.

 

 

My advice to people who are newly broken up. PLease just walk away and don't try to fix things or yourself. You are YOU. Be yourself and stay yourself, do not try to improve to either impress your ex or "work" yourself out. If you had problems that were blatantly obvious that caused the breakup for sure, then fine, go ahead. But take time to analyze what happened but don't over analyze it. Realize that there is a possibility it wasn't your fault completely. Be the best YOU that you can be and don't try to change yourself. I made this mistake of trying to change myself after the break up so that my ex would be impressed and want me back. This was a grave mistake and almost cost me my life because of 4 months of failure. You cannot succeed in changing who you are but only in how you react to circumstances in your life. You can change how you approach things and your composure but not WHO YOU ARE.

 

So this morning i finally realized that i had made a mistake. That my relationship was finally over and i could no longer keep trying to do different things that would end up in failure. I would always end up calling my ex and crying and babbling on about how things are sucking anyway.

 

I forgave myself, I realized I have my entire life ahead of me. I am only 27. I can no longer base my life on what she or other people think of me. I had done terrible damage to myself for 4 long and grueling months.

 

If you do not forgive someone then God doesn't forgive you. Someone, includes you. You have to forgive yourself and stop punishing yourself for being stupid. It is mind boggling what I did and how stupid I could have been. I at one point thought my ex was better than me and I was worthless without her, how silly.

 

Please forgive yourselves and move on. Do not let the thought of your ex's disapproval of your actions motivate your life. It will destroy you and set you back as it did with me for many months.

 

Anyway, my advice to people who just broke up. Do not let what doesn't need to go on, go on any longer. If you are broken up, move forward and take the time to feel the pain and heal. Do not prolong the process. I made the mistake of trying to hold on for way too long and it nearly destroyed my entire life. Please move on, do not contact your ex unless absolutely necessary (kids etc.). Let me tell you from experience, that it is unwise and unhealthy. You can only drive a broken car for so long and as one of my friends always says "you can't polish a turd".

[Mrocza]

Great post Dave, I think it'll really speak to a lot of people on here going through the same thing. Break-ups are really hard and sometimes you lose yourself in the process of trying to get back what you knew as "yourself" with an ex.

 

It's important to realize though, that alone or with someone, you are not the half of a whole, incomplete or subject to change unless you yourself want to. People tend to lose a self of control, self-control in relationships and especially in break-ups.

 

Relationships do not make or break you.

[NR498E]

I have my entire life ahead of me.

 

So simple and so true.Good post Dave.

[chai714]

Dave,

 

Those guilty emotions you've experienced are very normal post-breakup. We often times blame ourselves when things don't work out. While sometimes we should blame ourselves (only in the case of cheating, abuse, or other similar circumstance), most of the time relationships don't work out because something both people did led tot he demise.

 

Good post by the way.

 

Best of luck.

[Dako]

Dave,

 

You're almost through the worst of it. I can feel my own recent feelings through your words and want you to know you'll be stronger and even find peace with yourself sooner than you may believe.

Stop being hard on your buddy Dave. He did what he could so protect something dear to him. He's only human.

 

BTW, after wallowing in guilt, I now feel inclined to invite the world to kiss my bony little butt. It's just a happy phase.

[Skippy]

well done DAve!!!

[Diggitydave]

I was watching Joyce Meyer, a Christian evangelist and she said the hardest thing in the world to do is to not speak about your problems and speak positively in times of trial. She is so right. She also said, you can either go through the pain of change which temporary or the pain of staying in bondage which will run your life forever.

 

Forgive yourself and others that may have hurt you. Go through the pain and move forward.

[lgirl]

excellent post Dave (apart from the christian element). forgiving ourselves seems tp be the hardest thing - it seems easier to distort things in our minds and make the ex the better person even when they have behaved appallingly. you're right, if yr ex had a problem with you, it was her problem not yours. you can't change yourself,only how you react. that really resonated with me and more.

 

here's to the rest of your life!

[Rainz]

Very good, very good post.

 

Very inspiring for those of us on here recovering and healing from a break up.

 

 

Thanks for the Joyce Meyer input as well, she is very uplifting.

[Demond34]

Good post Dave

[deejay74]

great post dave, for a while there i was getting worried about your progress. it seems like you've definitely turned a major corner in your recovery.

 

good job, keep it up!

[Nathalie1970]

Dave,

 

You're so right. The only person that has to be happy with you is you. If your ex gf wanted to be with you, she would be, no matter what. She would accept you for who you are and try to work out your problems in the relationship together.

 

Good job on your breakthrough. Keep up the positive thoughts