19 but immature in love

[Skyfoot]

Hi, I'm a 19 year old guy, who had his head in the clouds and in the books all my teenagehood and now starting to "wake up". As all other girls of my age seem more "experienced" than me, I somehow think that at a level of "love maturity" I'm still at the beginning, meaning: the way I behave and expect love to be is like that of a guy who started all this when he was 13/14. I somehow expect that there can be nothing serious between me and another girl of my age.

So, I thought "Back to the books, nerdy!", but I opened my eyes even wider and noticed that other girls are literally trying to eat me. And somehow I find that sweet and - if it were not for social conventions - I would go for it.

The problem is: most of these girls are 13-14 years old, and it seems to me they're looking for lot of new "experiences".

Personally, I wouldn't even mind - since I'm also still "immature" in love and relationships and may take the opportunity to learn.

But I'm not sure. Maybe I should think twice... you know... me 19 (in my country, 19 means being an adult), and those girls 13-14... that's almost 6 years difference.

I mean: apart from the question whether it is actually "okay" to go for some experience with them, is it "moral/legal" to do so?

That would be a contra.

But I feel that there's another "pro" in this. Whenever I speak to younger girls, I, too, feel younger It's nice, very nice! But it isn't anything wrong right? It's nothing illegal, immoral, etc.?

And I somehow also foresee that my friends will make a fool of me lol, but people have to start becoming independent from what others think.... or not?

[becallamjr]

Yea, if there is grass on the field play ball? I hope you're not serious. Get away from the school kids and find yourself a grown woman. What you are talking about is just plain sick. Thats pedophile * * * *.

[RayKay]

Um, the laws are different everywhere, but in most places this would definitely be illegal and you could land yourself in jail.

 

And personally, it is pretty gross, at 13/14 they are still children. If I ever found out a man I was dating/interested in dated 13/14 year olds and was sexual with them when he was 19, I would be walking, no running, away. That would just be creepy honestly, and make me really question his...um..maturity. Even if was not illegal, it does not make it right....

 

It would be different if you were 30 and they were 24 or 25, because they are then adults, and can make those decisions (oh, and it would be legal) and you have far more in common and are in similar places, but 19 and 13/14 earns a big NO way in my books.

[yeawutever]

Yea, try going out with a woman your age. You can get in serious trouble for dating minors. You don't wanna end up as a child molester don't you?

[wlfpack81]

Deleted by user

[justpaisley]

Yes, it's immoral. Yes, it's illegal in most countries. Don't be offended, but it's also kind of disgusting. A 13-14-year-old is a CHILD.

 

Do you really want to be responsible for getting a 13-year-old pregnant?

 

You need to start hanging out with people your own age, and leave the kids on the playground alone. Of course you can't expect anything serious from girls your own age... so what exactly do you expect from a 13-year-old? Loving commitment? How do you face the father of the child you're "dating?"

 

Don't do it, man. Stay far, far away. This is so inappropriate I'm starting to wonder if you're for real.

[calgaryguy]

ya 13/14! man thats crazy just thinking about it. Thats not right man. Those are children.

[Skyfoot]

Oooooooopppss....

 

I actually expected the opposite, but apparently it was good for me to ask here.

 

 

Yes, maybe I was somehow inspired by the fact that there are many "adults" with larger age gaps (like 20 and 35 etc.), but hey, as I said, I am indeed very immature in questions like love and these things and don't know much rules in human society since I'm mostly into physics, astrophysics, math, biotechnology etc. the whole time of the day (hobbies? THEY are my hobbies!

 

Well, girls of my age... they all abhor me as a nerd, bookworm, "inexperienced", careerist, "head in the clouds" etc. that usual stereotypized stuff. And it annoys me "a priori". No, I can't have success with girls of my age...

 

Well then, back to the books nerdy!

[PocoDiablo]

You know what? Most people around here say *I* am harsh but I personally think the way many of these people have replied to you is downright offensive.

 

YES, dating a younger girl is a bad idea, but no one here has taken a second to give you any useful information, and for that I say "shame on them."

 

First off, you really have hit the issue on the head, in my opinion. You do have immature social skills, and you do need to work on them. This is something I am very glad that you recognize because I have seen men in their 30's who don't and wonder why they have problems. I congratulate you for taking the initiative to "hit the books" and learn what you can do, although I wonder what books you are reading. Moreso, it is probably a LOT more important for you to start hanging out with other guys your age or OLDER who have demonstrated success meeting and dating women your age.

 

You need a role model, a mentor, someone who can show you what to do.

 

Books can help to some extent, but nothing like actually going out and watching other guys socialize and interact with women, and then forcing yourself to try the things they did, fail, and learn from your mistakes.

 

So you're not good with women your age because they see you as a nerd? Well, what have you done to counter that impression? How about get a few nice shirts, get a cool hair cut, get some new colgone (I'm loving my new Polo Black), and maybe a new pair of nice shoes. Start with something visible that will help you build your self confidence. Then, go to some clubs where you (1) won't meet anyone you know and (2) can meet women. Then watch the crowd. Find some guys who seem to be trying to meet women, both with and without success. Go up to them, tell them you've seen what they are doing and are looking for tips on how to learn to be more social. See what they can offer. Listen to what they have to say and filter out the macho BS crap and focus on the mature, respectful, confident stuff.

 

I can tell you right now that you need to stand up straight, look people in the eyes, and when you see someone you want to talk to you need to do it within 3 seconds - before you can even think (talk) yourself out of it. Talk to the waitress. Learn to flirt, joke, be funny, and poke fun at folks. Don't be a kiss up.

 

There are way too many things to talk about in here, but bottom line is get out of the house and start trying things. And, once you get out of high school, things will change drastically.

 

But this is like any other skill - like learning to ride a bike - unless you practice, fall down a lot, get back up and try again ... you won't learn. So go start making some mistakes and learn what works and what does not work.

 

Remember one thing - your supposed lack of social maturity is forcing you to pick on the weakest prey you can find. Do yourself a favor and raise the standards. Older women are much more fun, more sexual, more interesting, and a LOT more legal.

[wlfpack81]

Deleted by user

[Skyfoot]

Really, folks, thanks for your replies

 

I don't think that I have a problem with looks.

 

I am a person who likes discussion, talking about interesting things in the world - on a scientific basis - and not about which actor married which singer or other things, though I respect anyone who prefers choosing that kind of information.

I like to talk about astrophysics, comets, evolution, neurones, brain implants, technology, nature etc. and - as far as I have personally experienced, there are nearly no girls at all who are willing to engage in a conversation dealing with such topics.

Typically a girl of my age will talk with me in a flattering, seducing way in the first maximum 2 days she knows me and scroll on to her next target.

I also go to clubs, etc. with friends, but always bring a book or a scientific journal with myself or I'll die out of boredom. Sometimes I even write poetry while my friends are on the dancefloor (I like to play concentration games with all the loud music).

 

When I said "back to the books, nerdy" I meant what happens almost always in the club or at parties when a nice girl approaches me. We start introducing ourselves, she does some showing off, talks about this and that and clearly shows that she does it without much passion, fluffs two or three st*pid jokes that I have heard for the N-th time in my life, sometimes pushes a bit forward (but I'm not a fan of one-night-stands), but in most cases leaves for the next friend or the next table, and I go back to reading the books (which are often more interesting than that kind of "experienced" girls, HONESTLY!).

Probably, out of "experience", they avoid "immature" guys like me because they don't immediately obtain what they want?

 

As I said, I'd be stimulated only by something serious. A person who knows to passionately listen to you, and does not just pay you 100 compliments just to get you into bed, and thereafter forgets everything she told you.

A person with whom I wouldn't have to act.

A woman who knows how to discuss, debate, shows no fear to be herself and has more interests than just sex, love and reputation (I said, not ONLY them).

 

The younger girls, in search for new experience, "immature" like me... they simply gave me the impression that they would accept me for who I am...

And they would learn from me, with passion. They would learn from me as if I was a point of reference to them. As you said, as if I was their "mentor", their idol, their role model.

I was their first experience (or among their firsts)... wouldn't I be able to make a change to the world's eternal stereotypical "hot chicks don't become scientists/hot, blonde chicks are always stupid" (which is sadly also true as I told you from my discotheque experiences)

That's what I hoped for.

 

Ok, 13/14 is young, I'll discard them... but there are even 15 and 16 year old girls without much "experience".

[justpaisley]

If you want someone that'll be able to talk to you about all the nerdy things you listed, why not seek out girls your age who ARE interested in those things? You're not going to find them in clubs or parties - those are for dancing and having a good time, not Stephen Hawking discussions. How about girls in your classes? You can bet that the best place to find girls interested in the same subjects you're interested in is in a class you share.

 

You definitely don't want to pursue something with girls that are much younger than you for this reason alone. Younger teenagers will probably have little to no interest in this stuff. Why not go the exact opposite direction - seek some women who are older than you? You may have better luck.

 

Also, maybe work on your conversational skills. I understand that you enjoy speaking to people on a scientific level, but that's not all there is to life. Trust me, my husband is King of the Nerds. I am quite the opposite. We've been happily married for 5 years. We have nerdy discussions (most often when we're watching Mythbusters on The Discovery Channel), but that's not all we talk about because, quite frankly, I'm not interested. It's not that we don't have intellectually stimulating discussions with one another, it's that we don't always talk about physics.

[iceberg21]

It sounds to me like rather than actively seeking out women with similar interests you are just waiting for her to come along. While that may happen, its not the best way to approach what you seek. You may need to try and find other things that are interesting to you, and be a little bit flexible. As the above poster said, odds are VERY slim that you will find a 15 year old girl who will ever be interested in physics and that sort of thing. Best of luck in your search tho.

[YankeeGirl02]

I can't really offer much advice because I'm in a 6 year age gap situation too. I think girls around 13/14 are kind of young and immature. While you're at college age, they may just be starting high school. I'm pretty sure in most places it would be considered illegal for anything sexual to happen, as for dating..well, you would have to go by your own judgement.

 

Like someone else said on here, you aren't going to go to jail for dating them, or hanging out with them. Just be careful. Maybe you haven't had luck with girls your age that you know of--try going out to different places, or get friends to hook you up. You may find someone closer to your age that you really connect with.

 

Ultimately I guess the choice is yours, just be aware it could land you in a heap of trouble.

[ryanbrasier]

do what u want jus know the risks i mean be carefull its not the best idea but it could be worse

[ryanbrasier]

ps good luck

[Aleadragonhawk]

Just a quick thing I've noticed. Being younger may put them at the same level of social development as you, but it doesn't put them anywhere near the same level of mental development. It's not logical to seek social development with someone six years younger than you. Part of this is because you really are at different points in your life, regardless of the level of emotional experience. They're busy with what, middle school? I really have trouble seeing where you would relate to these children.

 

Also, I think that you need to consider the potentially harmful effects dating you could have on these young girls. You are the adult in this situation, and you need to act like one. Nineteen is an adult - a man. Like it or not. And you have absolutely no right whatsoever to be anywhere near these children. What disturbs me is that in your posts you seem to be actively seeking someone in this young age range, rather than someone that you can relate to.

 

I assure you, it is not rare to have not had a date by nineteen. My fiancee is somewhat similar to you in his interests - he's an electrical engineering major and seems to find physics to be fun. He writes code with visible twitches of pleasure. And he was twenty-two - yes, twenty-two - before he ever even kissed a girl. But never did he think that it was appropriate to get involved with someone much younger than him because he was inexperienced. Instead, he concentrated on finding someone _in his age range_ who was suitable.