Help, I like a married man!

[lavenderdove]

btw, feelings can't be helped, but you can not act on them... and if don't encourage your own fantasies about this man.

 

I'm sure in your fantasy, he falls in love, tells you you're the most beautiful woman in the world, leaves his wife and family, and you two live happily every after.

 

But in 99% of these cases with a middle aged man and a young girl, the guy has sex with you for a while, then drops you like a hot rock if it looks like your relationship is threatening his marriage, and your heart gets broken.

[HelloMyNameIs]

lavenderdove, I have read a lot of this issue, but your comments are the most helpful I have read. The thing is I don't want to sleep with him, I mean he's a gorgeous man, but that's not what I see in him. I also don't have a "fantasy" about this or any other man, I just like him, that’s all. Honestly though, nothing like this has happened to me before. Now, I still don't think this makes me a horrible person for feeling this way, I'm not trying to justify myself in any way, from what I have read, this happens a lot. All I mean by that is I don’t like feeling this way, but it’s not something out of this world!

Okay, and although I go out a lot, I take care of myself, and do NOT go home with guys I meet at clubs. It might be hard to believe, but I do have respect for myself. In the relationships I have been I have never cheated, and never will. I'm a Sophomore in college, I have an awesome family, loving friends, and in the end I'm a very lucky gal! Therefore, I'm going to quit my job. There's already too much s**t in the world for me to be the cause of more.

[HelloMyNameIs]

Hermes, What do you mean "how I feel about myself?" Like if I have low self esteem or something?? Because I really don't. I'm NOT trying to take anyone's man to make myself feel better about anything.

[BellaStranger]

I think it sounds like you are being very mature and doing the right thing!! I think it has taken you by surprise liking and being liked by this man because it is different to what your used to! Maybe your genuine interest in him is just symbolic of your gaining maturity and looking for something different from your relationships? Maybe you are looking for someone you connect with on a different level and this guys is the first guy you have met who does this? But he wont be the only one... I'm sure there are plenty of single guys who will spark your interest and removing yourself from this situation before anyone gets hurt is a very wise decision!

 

And men dont suddenly become less attractive when they get married... or they shouldnt do... so just being attracted to him doesnt make you wrong or bad.... its just the way you act on it and you seem to be doing okay!!

[HelloMyNameIs]

Work today was awesome!

 

I haven't quit my job.

[BellaStranger]

What made work awesome? Have you had a change of heart?

[tiffyb]

speaking from his wifes side..please dont cause her years of grief. you two will get together for 3 to 6 months, he will realize it was a mistake then let u go completely. then they will spend the next 3 yrs trying to recover from the mistakes made those few months. leave him alone & find u a single guy. from ur prospective it just cheapens u emotionally & physically, ur self esteem will be gone & u will take the next "anybody" that comes along. dont do that to yourself. the right guy is out there & hes not married. im not being mean..but my husband cheated on me. it hurts worse than u can imagine. i dont ever want u to experience that win ur married

[minou]

If you persist with this, you don't give a damn about him, just yourself. Go to therapy to find out why someone who is unavailable is the one you want. Was someone in your childhood unavailable to you? Please stick to your decision to leave this situation alone.

[HelloMyNameIs]

No, no, hahaha. That last post was so vague. It was "awesome" because I'm cool with everything, and am NOT pushing anything! I am fine with the way things are now. I haven't quit my job because I don't feel the need to you know?

 

I have had much time to reflect on myself, and my life in general.

I'm definitely NOT trying to be with this man, or have an affair by any means! I'm better than that. Someone said to listen in the beginning, because once you're in, it's going to be hell getting out! Hell, I'm listening!

 

As for my life, I think my childhood was great in the sense that I had my mom by our side the entire time... but not our dad. Learning begins when you understand. And I understood then and now what it meant not having him. I know perfectly fine, what I had and did not have. My dad not being there didn't seem to have much of an impact on me, I mean I love my mom with all my heart and she was always there, but we all react differently. Anyways. I'm off. Just clearing things up. Good night all

[Staple]

Don't ruin his marriage. Stop this nonsense.

[YtheSADface]

Well, here we are, 5 years later. To give an update, no, I did not have any semblance of an affair with this man. We did not work for the same company,but,in the same building. Since then, he has moved out of town and back. We talk on occasion for business purposes and yes, the temptation is still there. At the time I wrote this I was 16, and I've come to realize that the reason nothing came of our interactions was mainly due to the legalities of it all. I am not ashamed for lusting after this man nor do I apologize for knowing that I could have him if I wanted. I am a very selfish person who doesn't believe in the sanctity of marriage, though I've never cheated on my partners (past or present). 1 out of every 3 couples have admitted to infidelity within their marriage. "Admitted" being the key word. I did have a fling with another married man and it strengthened their broken marriage. I wanted him only for sex and they were separated, nearing divorce. When she found out about the affair she decided to make the marriage work. A bit ironic if you ask me, but thank God because the husband was starting to get too attached for my liking. They are like children; they're nice to play with but better when they're not your own and at the end of the day you can send them home. I will, however, apologize to anyone I may have offended. That was never my intention. I actually come from a family who adopted the bastard child of a cheating father, so I also know what it's like on the other side of the fence. Ladies, we need to take care of our men. Food for thought. Good night.

[Moontiger]

Or we need to leave asshats who cheat on us. I would rather have self respect then a happy man. But to each their own I guess.

[lavenderdove]

>>They are like children; they're nice to play with but better when they're not your own and at the end of the day you can send them home. .

 

Wow, that is really kind of sad, when that 'playing' can have all kinds of unintended side effects like breaking up families, breaking the hearts of innocent wives and children, bringing financial devastation of a divorce. You've being extremely cavalier about the impact of your behavior on other people's lives. I'm sure you would feel very differently if it were your own home, yourself, and your children being affected by your husband 'playing' with other women.

 

And women can take extremely good care of their men, but the men who cheat do it because they are selfish and have no character, not because their wives didn't 'take care of them'.

 

Your attitude really reeks of not taking responsbility for your own behavior, and as if fooling with other people's hearts and husbands were a game. You don't offend me, you sadden me because you obviously have no clue how deeply such behavior can harm other innocent people involved and wreck people's lives. It's worse than playing with fire.