is this normal

[clear skiew]

hi everyone. Im a newbie and think that this is a great website. Reading some of these posts have been alot of help. My situation is a little different though. Im the dumper. I was with my ex for, on and off about 3 yrs. Im 25 yrs old. and she is 22. Very INTENSE relationship. We fought all the time. I never trusted her and she probably never trusted me. She did admit from the beginning that she had trouble trusting men because of her father who left when she was young. She is a beautiful person....I know that even though she has done some mean things, I really think that she is a good person. So Im going to try not to bash her, which is hard because lately ive found myself growing more and more bitter. We fell hard for each other right from the start but I think that we were young, immature, and most of all insecure. She ALWAYS had men coming in and out of her life. Helping her with this an that. "They were friends".....I hated that sht! So I began to do the same, actually just once, I became friends with a girl and went to eat twice. Nothing happened but she found out about the lunch and thats when the rel went way down hill! I learned my lesson and I know that that was immature. Anyways we never REALLY REALLY gained eached others trust after that. We began to fight about everything! Stayed together for about another year. She still had the guy friend bullsht coming in and out of her life so I decided to end. Breakup #10,000. But to me it was breakup#1 the only one, no turning back. We have been broken up for about 5 months. But have only been in no contact for about 3 weeks. Longest we had gone no contact was for about 5 days. Well she didnt take the breakup well at all. Went a little crazy. Funny thing is that she began to grow bitter and resentful towards me because I wouldn't take her back! I mean bitter to the point that she told me she hated me and that she is sleeping with someone else! * * *k! Then she would say that she only did it because "she wanted to see if I still cared" WHAT!!!!!!!!!!! It was stressful times. So I began to grow bitter towars her and in turn I would say that I hated her. Never told her that I was with another woman though. So of course I carry alot of guilt because of the breakup but I felt like we had no other choice. Now, there were times when things were perfect. We wanted to marry each other. We were so in love. But when trust issues came up, everything went out the window. The reason Im posting on here is because the past couple of days have been REALLY hard. I mean, I wake up thinking about her, watch tv and think about her, go to sleep thinking about her. I miss her alot! But I know that if we were to get back together, It wouldn't last 2 weeks. I changed jobs and Im know bartending at a downtown bar here. Lots of beautiful women walk thorugh the door. Im not interested right know because Im not REALLY over the ex, but my job requires me to flirt, alot. I know that if we were to get back, she wouldn't trust me at all. I KNOW she would be there looking over my back 24/7 and that would just make me feel uncomfortable. We would probably fight alot and things would only get worst. Why am I feeling this way. I see TONS of beautiful women EVERY weekend, and all I can think about is my ex. Thing that drives me crazy is that not one them compares to her....physical atraction wise. I do meet alot of nice girls though. Why am I missing her when Im the one who broke up? Is this normal? Anyone been in a similar situation? Its driving me nuts!

[indespair]

When you broke up, were you guys fighting? Or, how exactly did you break up with her? Firmly and definitely? Was she crying when you did it? Or was it left hanging? It sounds to me like she might have had self-esteem issues by having these "friends" hanging around, and if she's attractive and nice, well then, it's only natural. But if she was encouraging them (subtly sexual), then that's not cool to you. In fact, very disrespectful. It sounds like you really loved her, but when there's trust issues on the table, it makes it WAY harder to figure out. If you were to come clean and be ABSOLUTELY honest with her, tell her your feelings toward her, tell her your fears and ask her to do the same, and drop all pretense, you might have a bit of a chance. I'm a little curious though; did you REALLY think it was the end when you broke up if you are now so despondent over losing her? The reason I ask is that my b/f just did the same to me, and I am soooo upset and sad about it. I am hoping that he has second thoughts...(like you). Anyways, it sounds like you guys had a pretty good friendship too, so maybe there's a chance...