Ex-boyfriend back in my life, now I am confused.

[Kpuppy]

I recently ran into my ex-boyfriend, who I broke up with years ago. Since then, I have met a guy who I am deeply in love with, and have been dating for two years. Actually, in less than a month, I am moving to the same town as he is in to go to school.

Well, now I ran into this ex of mine, and the relationship ended badly, however, I have never held a grudge against him. When we ran into one another, he was very, very pleased to see me, and was upset to learn that I was moving soon. He told me that he misses me a lot, and is very sorry for the way things ended between us. We have hung out together since then, and we had a great time. As a matter of fact, it is very easy for me to see why I got together with him in the first place. He is just so easy to be around, and so funny.

The problem is that I love my current boyfriend, and to be honest, I would be a fool to end things with him to pursue things with my ex, but for some reason, I keep thinking about the past.

My current boyfriend is successful, kind and funny...I love being around him. We have a great time together and for the past two and a half years, I have not doubted for a second that I should be with him. My ex, on the other hand, is also very kind and funny, but while we were going out, he would have bouts of anger (never directed towards me, but anger just the same) that were extremely disconcerting. He is also really in a dead-end job, and exactly in the same place as he was 3 and a half years ago when we broke up.

The problem isn't whether I should pursue things with my ex or not, because that is a no-brainer. I wouldn't jeopardize my current happy relationship for a questionable one, and I really, really love my current boyfriend way too much to leave him.

So, the problem is this: why do I feel so guilty just hanging out with my ex? I do want to hang out with him, because I like him as a person, but I feel like such a louse. It is obvious that he still has feelings for me, so in order to salvage his feelings, I have refrained from informing him of my current relationship. This makes me feel absolutely horrid. Of course, I have also not told my boyfriend that I have been spending time with my ex...I just feel that he would worry unnecessarily and be jealous for no reason.

Just to answer a question that may have arisen while reading this post: NO, I have no plans to romantically involve myself with my ex as a "fling" before I move. I would never, ever cheat.

So, should I cease the newfound friendship in order to salvage everyone else's feelings? I want to be friends with my ex, but because of his romantic feelings towards me, I don't want to hurt him again, because I also hurt him in the past. Also, I can't continue lying to my boyfriend, but I don't want to hurt him either!!! Help!

[cobro]

Hi Kpuppy,

 

I understand where you are coming from, except I was the guy on the otherside, like your current boyfriend. My then girlfriend started talking to her ex again after 4 years of no contact. Their relationship ended badly. We had been together 2 years. I loved her, she loved me. But she started talking to her ex again and developed feelings for him, she kicked me to the curb to be with him. Now they are happily dating and he wants to marry her just after 2 months. He also has a dead end job and is in the same place he was 4 years ago, no future, no stability. I on the other hand have bright future ahead of me because I have goals and a good job, he does not. But nonetheless, she chose him over me because, like you, remembered all the good times they had together. She seemed to forget the fact that he cheated on her. I already see her being hurt by him. Anyways, be careful in whatever you do. If you want to hurt your current boyfriend, do it now. Do not drag it out. Don't tell him 3 months from now that you have been hanging out with your ex. That is not cool. I think I was lucky, my ex let me know right away, supposedly. I still have doubts about that. If you develop feelings for your ex, it is over with your current boyfriend, so be careful. My advice, of course, is biased because of what happened to me. Hopefully someone else will chime in. Hope this helps somewhat.

 

cobro

[mk]

I could suggested that you keep a minimum contact with your ex. You like the relationship now and don't destroy it. Don't call your ex and stay low interest with your ex if he called.

 

Please treasure the one that you have.

 

 

 

 

[Lost828]

Kpuppy,

 

You have to be honest with yourself, its sounds a little like you are remembering the good times you have had with him. If you really do love your current bf that much you should stop any contact with your ex. Think of it on the other shoe, how would you feel if your current bf and his ex was hanging out and just being friends?. No matter how much trust you have for a person you would still feel unhappy with the situation, because when it comes to love everyone is selfish and doesn't want a potential rival to be talking or hanging out with the one they love. Another point is he is still attracted to you, its not a good idea to continue hanging out with him as this can lead him to think he has a chance. Is your bf ok with you hanging out and just being friends?, and does he know your ex is still interested in you?. I think i'm biased in this because i have a painful past with a recent gf and her ex.

 

Lost828.