Couldn't do anything to stop her!

[becallamjr]

We all get depressed from time to time in our lives. Some people live with it all the time. Unfortunately, I'm one who lives with it constantly and when bad things in life happen it only makes it worse.

 

This past weekend, two of my best friends ended their relationship of 3 years together. They broke their engagement and everything just went into a downhill spiral. My friend drank himself to sleep for the last few days and will probably continue for the rest of the week if not longer. I don't blame him, if I were in his position I would do the same.

 

She called me the night it happened and told me she couldn't live without him and that she was gonna kill herself. What do you do when someone dear to you tells you this? I tried to calm her down, but she wouldn't listen to reason. She hung up on me and turned off her phone so I called the police. I got a phone call about 15 minutes later from the police telling me that they didn't have probable cause, so they couldn't do anything because she told them that she was fine. What the * * * *, that pissed me off so much and when I got to her place to check on her not 10 minutes later it was too late. I couldn't do anything. My best friend blames himself and he also blames me. I know deep down, he knows that it's not his fault and most definitely it isn't mine, but he needs to place the blame somewhere for now and I understand. She slit her wrists, took a lot of strong prescription sleeping pills with a lot of alcohol. I found her in the bath tub. I have gotten compliments and constructive critism from people on this forum, what good is my advice? It doesn't matter, none of it. I'm so numb inside anymore that her death really doesn't bother me. I feel bad, but I don't feel like I'm feeling as bad as I should, if that makes any sense. I have not shed a tear for her or him and I just can't seem to. These diseases that us "lucky" ones get to carry with us; the pain, the feelings of emptiness, the suicidal thoughts, it numbs us, robs us of our lives. I should be able to mourn the loss of a friend, but yet I cannot. I couldn't save her, I couldn't do anything!!!

[annie24]

I am so sorry. I don't know what to say. (((HUGS))))

[WildChild]

I am so, so sorry Don't berate yourself for not shedding any tears. Grief comes in many facets. I almost wonder if you are still in shock as well. You know you did what you could do to try and prevent this. As horrible as this sounds, you are right that your friend is probably blaming you because it seems when something sudden and tragic happens someone "is to blame" for not preventing it, whether it is blaming themselves or someone else. I truly am sorry all the way around for this tragedy. God bless.

[Relationship Coach]

We can't save everyone, even those close to us. We often think we have all of the answers but to some people, their answers trump ours. I'm sorry for what happened and the police turned a blind eye for what may have been prevented. Don't beat yourself up, use your talents to help your friend who needs you right now. We are all here to help you.

 

RC

[Dako]

Bill

I'm so damn sorry. You did what you could, but like most severe ailments. not everyone makes it.

 

I was telling my brother about you Sunday night. He went off his meds and was trying to choose the right caliber from his collection to do it.

I told him about you as an example of a bipolar person who does good things for fellow sufferers. You really are effective.

The ones who do it are more shocking than those who manage to avoid it each day, one day at a time. Those are the ones who can get by with the help of insight and no-nonsense assistance only someone like you can dish out.

I've told you how I appreciate you. I'm sure many others agree.

[Bethany]

Oh my God, that's terrible. I'm so sorry.

 

You're probably still in shock which happens when someone dies. It gives us time to deal with the problems, the arrangements etc but it does wear off and grief does set in, so be prepared for that to happen.

When someone dies, whatever the circumstances, we look for a reason and then we look for blame. It's a natural reaction. Don't lay any blame onto yourself over this and it is unfair of him to blame you, so please don't accept it. It's not your fault. You did everything right and did everything you could.

 

You know where I am honey, if you need me.

 

Beth.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I am so, so sorry to hear that. You really couldn't have stopped her though, and you really care/d.

 

Again, my sympathies.

[Meow18]

Oh gosh, that's really depressing becallamjr. I'm sorry this happened.

 

You did nothing to make this happen. It is not your fault in any way. You even tried to do something. You are right, your best friend is just looking for answers, and someone to blame. But that's not you. It's also not him.

 

Your advice on this forum is more appreciated than you realize. Some people don't want to listen. Some people can't. And when you can't get through to them, it's hard, but there's nothing more you can do.

 

But you have helped so many people on this site. We are all in control of ourselves. So maybe in the end, the advice we give makes no difference because when someone really feels a certain way, nothing you say or do will change that. But sometimes when you can just open a person's eyes, it's worth it.

 

It's normal for you to be feeling the way you do. It's the normal grieving process.

[robowarrior]

You did everything that you could humanly possibly do. That what lies out of our reach we cannot and should not blame ourselves for. I mean two things, you represented yourself as a friend should have and at least you did call the police which is something a lot of people wouldn't even have bothered to do for someone else to begin with.

 

When someone kills themselves over another, then that person has given their lives into a place where it doesn't belong to begin with. As hard as it sounds every person has to show they have a life of their own to live, partner or no partner. One has to take their lives into their own hands. You can't go into a relationship expecting things to work out just because it concerns your case, for a partner can pack their bags and leave everyday. Thats exactly the reason why we need to show we have a life of our own.

 

This of course is all aftertalk, by now i can only offer you my sincere condoleances.

 

I can only tell you this, a person who commits suicide doesn't do it to hurt others. They are self consumed and don't know what immense hurt they cause on their loved ones. I can only hope you can forgive her for her act of dispair.

[NJRon]

Bill,

 

Sorry you had to get caught up in that. It's truly a shame when you are unable to do something for someone you care about. But, in the end, it's out of our control and we are just left with a reminder of how tragic it is when someone decides to end their life.

 

Hang in there and keep sharing your wisdom.

[becallamjr]

Last night wasn't any better, went to check on my friend only to get screamed at and ended up getting into a physical alteration. Oh well. I haven't seen a dead body up close like that in a long time. It's really sad that she took her own life when she had so much going for herself. Life goes on and I'm still here, in a way I kind of envy her. Thanks everyone for the support.

[WildChild]

Man I am so sorry, I can't even begin to tell you. You know you did everything you could...I hope you believe that. Her decision may have been a rash and hasty one, and sadly a permanent one.

[Dako]

It's unfair.

Among all involved, you tried.