Thoughts on a former girlfriend.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

As some of you may know, Im not doing too good right now, and a lot of thoughts from my past are churning around in my head, and I feel so guilty for a lot of things.

 

Ive been very good friends with a girl Ill call Kay since I was 14. Last year, I had a manic phase and went through a lot of relationships, some of which were very weird/unhealthy. Anyway, at the time, Kay was realising slowly that she is pretty much, well, gay. (usually goes for girls 80% of the time, over guys).

 

Im bisexual and am comfortable in this.

 

We went on a couple of dates and made out casually a few times (Yes, the strange world of me), she said she'd always found me hot, etc. I wasnt really thinking straight at the time.

 

Even before all this, Id stay over at her house once a week or so, sleeping on the floor in her room. But a couple of times Id end up in her bed ((fill in details here, I dont think I need to explain them)), and her mom would come in in the morning and Id be completely blase about it. Her mom is homophobic but hadnt considered that Kay would be gay.

 

After a time, she had a talk to Kay and said she'd prefer it if I slept on the floor in future. I just keep thinking...how could I have been so sickeningly disrespectful to her mother?

 

Im also annoyed at her mother I guess for other issues, once I dropped out of college (although I started over elsewhere) and got a radical haircut, she wasnt sure how much of a good infulence I was anymore (she used to hold me in very high regard).

 

Feeling guilty, feeling guilty, feeling guilty..Kay and I are great friends again now and its all fine (again..strange world of me..) with her, but I cant believe some of the incredibly jerkish stuff I did just a few months ago..thats just the tip of the metaphorical iceberg..urgh.

 

 

[Süsser Tod]

Hmmm, you are having a depressive episode, with guilt, sadness and the whole thing! I'm kinda maniac right now, heading straight to a depressive episode, ETA for depression, 3-4 days, hopefully, aint it fun??

 

I really can't tell you anything to make you feel better, other than the fact that I don't think it was something to really worry about.

 

You know, she may forgive you, and that is, if she ever suspected anything, but you won't feel better unless you forgive yourself. Didn't you ever sneaked into your house to have sex with your bf/gf? I think all of us have done it, at one point or another, and it is pretty much normal and kinda expected by the parents.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Ive never sneaked around to have sex, I feel slightly better about myself knowing I havnt done that!

 

thanks for reply.

[Süsser Tod]

LOL! I always thought all of us had done it, but you are making me have second thoughts!

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I make many people have second thoughts..heh.